Is it selfish to still have a wedding reception during the pandemic?

I’ve already postponed and don’t plan to move my wedding (August) again. I’ve noticed the same thing from weddingbee about people claiming it’s the most selfish thing ever, just postpone 1-2 years, etc, etc- but I’ve also noticed almost all of those people are ALREADY married so this doesn’t apply to them AT ALL and clearly they have nothing better to do that sit on wedding forums all day long.

I think if you are paying for your wedding and are okay with VIP family members choosing to not attend, then you are not selfish. However, if your parents are paying and they are not comfortable with going, then that makes you a little bit selfish.

If you require masks when not actively eating or drinking, I support you. If not, I think you are selfish. If you don't give a hoot about guests bringing things home to their friends and family, think of the people working to make your wedding possible. If you are only keeping tables 6-8 feet apart, Every staff, and any guest on the move, is regularly well below social distancing, at 3-4 feet. Masks are called for, unless tables are 14' apart or more, which they will not likely be.

View Quoted Comment I can’t force people what to do. Even then, people wear masks or can being them but who is to say they don’t take it off after coming in?

Also, so do I just lose out on thousands of dollars? I can’t cancel due to being out of the contract date to do so unless paying an additional large fee.

View Quoted Comment You shouldn't have to lose anything. Your guests should act like adults, and, responsibly protect themselves and other people, including the staff or workers. Their willingess to let others get sick or die more easily, so they can feel mask free, is like drinkers who get $160 from an ATM before going to a bar, but make no provision for getting home safe. Like their freedom is at stake. Instead of thinking of the other people out on the road that their drunk selves hit.
You should not have to act like the mask police. They should take responsibility themselves.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I know that it’s up to them to be responsible but you mention if I don’t make the mask a requirement that it’s selfish. My response is that I can put on there it’s a requirement but not everyone’s going to listen and there isn’t anything I can do about it. If I still have my wedding, it’s hard to cancel right now because I would lose out on money. Not everyone can afford to.

View Quoted Comment I am thinking of buying a couple disposable masks in case but I don’t think I can force it. All I can do right now is reduce my guest count, try to sear social circles together, and social distance when not seated (the wedding coordinator and staff will be enforcing it while wearing masks themselves. Sanitizer will be available throughout the room.

Thank you so much for this post, reading here has been encouraging. My wedding is two weeks from today, and we’ve done pretty well where I live but cases have been rising as we’ve reopened (of course). It’s nothing out of hand yet but a lot can change in two weeks and I’ve been LITERALLY nauseous from anxiety over it. We have cut the guest list down to 50 (only 16 different households, quite a few families) and our county guidelines allow for 100 outside so it’s half that. We will have spaced tables, offer masks, and everyone is local. I literally feel like there’s nothing else I can do. Everyone has told me not to feel guilty, it’s people’s choice to attend or not. But I have a pretty anxious personality and it’s just killing me.

We're also an October wedding couple. And we aren't postponing- we're even in NY! Our vendors have said that if we cancel/postpone (when not required by NYS regulations) then we will not receive a refund of our deposits.

Sorry, but my venue deposit alone was $2k- and then I'd have all the other deposits we've dished out. No thanks, not really into losing all that cash to then just have to dish it back out again for a new date.

Our wedding will be proceeding as originally scheduled unless, and until, NYS issues new guidance where we'd HAVE to cancel or postpone.

No it’s not shellfish I’m going fosses with mine as well and taking the same precautions, what else can you do we can’t postpone ours either so you can come or not

View Quoted Comment It helps so much when you have others going through the same that understands!

View Quoted Comment Right. What if the virus is still around next year? Postpone waiting to celebrate for two year? Lol

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I am also feeling a lot of guilt right now, but I have a similar motivation for moving forward. I have a few reasons to keep our date: our county has only 2 active cases, we are expecting fewer than 40 guests, the ceremony is outdoors, etc. But ultimately, I feel like there is no guarantee that next year will be better for us... not just in terms of Covid, but my family's health.

Within a week of my getting engaged, my dad found out he had cancer. I started to wonder if I should move the wedding date closer. One week later, we found out it was stage 4. Two weeks after that, he died. All of this to say, life is short and unpredictable. I have a few family members with health concerns, and when I called to check on them and they said they were excited and eager to celebrate. I have already lost one person who should have been at the wedding, and as long as my VIP guests are comfortable I am not going to wait any longer than necessary. I would rather keep the tables further apart, buy an extra tent, change to a plated dinner, and take other precautions than wait too long to have a wedding.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry to hear about your dad . I agree, take precaution...we don’t know what next year will be like.

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I'm so sorry. What happened to your dad, is also my fear for my dad. We are even making plans to have our marriage ceremony earlier if his health declines at a fast pace. I'm hoping to get our marriage license squared away this week if we need it before our wedding date.

People are going to do what they want. Just be prepared to hear the news that Grandma attended your wedding and died from the virus alone in the hospital.

No its not and dont let anyone tell you on here that it is. Sometimes it comes down to money, and some venues are putting a hold on postponements now because they dont want to do them anymore? And can everyone afford to just cancel a wedding? No! So whoever doesnt want to go shouldnt go. Seriously starting to piss me off seeing people (usually ones who are already married and weddings have passed) judge other peoples decisions

View Quoted Comment All of our grandparents passed away already.

View Quoted Comment Ha, yes. It seems most of the hate is coming from women who have been married already or have the time to wait or isn’t losing thousands. I don’t need more shaming and guilt than I’ve already been feeling. I have done what I can. Cut down the list, assigning families or social circles at tables while sectioning off parts of the room (his side to the left, my side right, friends at back), hand sanitizer everywhere, masks are required, social distancing enforced. If anyone has a problem, please send me $4,000+ to postpone my wedding. Thank you.