Is it rude to only invite some people's children?

I think it would probably best to leave all the kids off. His cousins would probably be annoyed they had to find a babysitter when your cousins didn't. If you're inviting your siblings kids and not inviting cousins kids it's fine, but inviting some cousins kids and not others isn't IMO.

I always start by saying it's your wedding do what you want. However in my opinion you have to invite all or none. Some people are already upset when you say no kids in general. I think you would have a lot of people hurt and offended. My FH and I are only having the kids from the bridal party at the reception and my best friends kids who I call my niece and nephew have roles in the wedding so they are also invited. I would say for your family members that have to bring kids with them get a few babysitters that can watch all the kids for the wedding.

It's fine to invite some kids and not others, but it should be consistent. It's also okay for the sides to be uneven if one person has a larger family than the other, if both of you are comfortable with that.

I agree with PPs. You have to be consistent. If some people are told that they can't bring their kids then they see kids at your wedding they might take it personally.

We invited kids from my side and not his. But, my entire family and group of friends were traveling from California to Pennsylvania and literally everyone they knew who they trusted to watch their kids for a week was also coming to our wedding so there was little choice. And we are talking about 3 children (4 including my niece who was the flower girl). I think it really depends. How far are they traveling? How long do they plan on staying in town? Do they have another alternative as far as child care?

ETA: and we talked to his cousins about it before hand as I am good friends with most of them. I told them I was trying to get a rough count for the guest list and I asked if they had any interest in bringing their kids to the wedding and every single one of them said that they could think of nothing worse than looking after their kids at our wedding. lol

There should be a clear cut rule that you use to include children so that people aren't offended. Like children of immediate family members only or children in the bridal party only or only children over a certain age. It's ultimately your wedding, but people get offended so easily. And just because you have a clear cut rule, doesn't mean people won't be offended or won't reject your invitation because their kids aren't invited. I only had one family member reject my invitation because their three kids weren't invited. Everyone else is actually excited to get a day to themselves to be adults and not have their toddlers glued to them.

I'm also from a big family and he is not. If I invited all my cousins kids I would have 30 extra guests all under the age of 12 so we're doing an adult only reception. For his side his niece and nephew will be there and my MOH's kid she's pregnant with now. Those will be the only kids. I would say to keep it somewhat consistent. Honestly since I'm from a big family, we all understand our family is huge and not every single person will probably be able to be invited to things like this. If any of them are married on his side they know the struggle lol When I see kids at an adult only reception I usually assume those people ignored the no kids rule and brought them anyways. If anybody throws a fit just say that they were coming from far away so the kids needed to come too.

You're talking about the holy grail -- people's children. You are certainly entitled to have your own children and/or nieces/nephews at an adult only wedding, but that's about it.

You wanna see a bunch of people start to think like those Toddlers and Tiaras pageant moms act? Just invite some family kids and not others.

They are travelling from Kentucky, Texas and Mississippi. I don't think they would feel comfortable having somebody they don't know watch their kids while they are here in Minnesota so I'm kind of at a loss. It would likely only end up being 5 that actually come, a couple of my cousins in Texas are 99% sure they won't and that's 5 of the kids. The other 4 are in the wedding.

Also, I should add that it was his parents who did not want to invite their family's children. Not sure if this changes anything. They are also all in Minnesota and have no problem finding babysitters.

Correct me if I'm wrong but kids in the wedding do not count.

Yes, either everyone's kids or no kids at all.

I disagree. You can invite some kids and not others. It's the same as inviting some family and not other family.

I agree with PP. Stay consistent. Most people dont want to bring their kids to a wedding if they have someone they trust to watch them. I would be pretty upset to get to a wedding I was told kids werent invited to... and then see kids.

And everyone commenting on the even sides - I'm totally fine with uneven sides (I have a much smaller circle of friends in addition to his larger family so I planned on inviting way less than him), I just don't want us to go over our max guest count and if they invite all their kid then the count will go up by 30-40. They would rather invite no kids and all his cousins, whereas I would rather they invite only the cousins he is close to and their children.

It's either all or none. People travelling will either not come or find a way around it. If you don't invite kids, be prepared for a lot of declines. If you do invite kids, you need to invite them all or you are going to look like the horrible new in-law and people will take it personal. My suggestion is, cut the guest list in other places and invite all of the kids or leave the kids out all together.

Maybe I'll talk to my cousin who live in MN about what they are doing for their kids (I know they don't want to bring them) and have whoever is watching their kids watch my out of town cousins as well....

A lot of this comes down to my mom wanting kids there and his family not wanting kids there. All of them are helping to pay for the wedding so they all get a say.

I say either invite them all or invite none. You don't want to start any drama within the family.

Our original plan for our wedding we very restrictive on numbers, mostly because it was on a river boat. As a result, we were only going to allow our immediate family members and our WP to allow their kids, if they wanted. Otherwise, I was setting up my kids old day care for the parents, since most of the kids involved were out of town (really out of state) guests who wouldn't know anybody to watch their kids. I was going to supply dinner for the kids and the workers, they already had cribs and cots for kids, and stuff for them to do, so it was a win win.

All or none, yeah. Sorry.

How do I get them to cut their guest list in order to allow us to invite everyone's children (at least of the families)? I don't think they are going to budge.