Is it okay for the wedding party to help?

I honestly don't think it's bad! i did that. all of our bridal and grooms party helped us set up and tear down the ceremony. however i think there's certain things to not ask for like they aren't your personal servants, so being respectful in asking if they're ok with helping and stuff rather than being super bossy and stuff is something to be mindful about. because at the end of the day they are there to help you.

I wondered about this too and I think it really all depends on your family. I asked my fiancé and he told me how he and his whole family helped with setting up and stuff when his sister got married, they would not mind one bit. However if I were to ask my parents they would consider this very unusual and my mom even said I shouldn't rely any of my bridesmaids to help me set up and that it would be a disaster. This is just a cultural thing, I would recommend you try approaching your siblings and family to see how they react. I think especially if you're tight on money they can't blame you for asking.

Your wedding party is your wedding party because they love and cherish you and the groom and you likewise them. I'm sure if it was any other party, they would help you, so this is no exception. Ask!

I've already had a bunch of family and friends volunteering to help set up, tear down, maintain the buffet, e.t.c...I think it's really dependent on your group. For us and our family and friends it's normal. I'm sure "proper" etiquette would say otherwise, but those rules and traditions were decided a long time ago and not all of them are relevant for everyone.

I 100% think it’s okay to ask for help. My family and my FHs family practically begged to be involved in setup.

Are they offering to help? If they’re offering to help, definitely take them up on it if you need the extra hands!


You can also ask if they could help you with a few things (especially if they know you’re on a tight budget and assuming you’re very close to them). However, I don’t think you should delegate tasks to them without asking first if they’re willing to help.

Personally, I have never been a part of a wedding where I was delegated with setup/tear down tasks. I had been assigned/asked to do small things for the bride like carry her makeup touch up kit or help bustle her. Or help make sure older family members find their seats, but I’ve never had to do physical labor.
My husband and I went into planning our wedding wanting to HOST ALL our guests including our wedding party and to us that meant making sure they didn’t have to stress about anything or be inconvenienced. That they can just have fun and relax as much as possible.

There’s sometimes a lot of negativity on here for that. But my family and friends were dying to help. I asked my bridesmaid and bridesman to light candles, my mom dropped off the borrowed cake stand the morning after so we could get to the airport, and others volunteered and insisted to help decorate and I couldn’t convince them otherwise. My bridesmaid wrote a couple signs I bought bc she had gorgeous handwriting and offered. My stepbrother is getting married in October pending Covid issues and I’m playing violin for them happily and fully expect to help with anything they need. When my moh got married she had a planner but there were still things that needed to be done and I was happy to help and wish I could have done more.

My mom originally said she'd help set up everything without me asking. It was normal for her to do that. My FMIL would not think that this is normal though. I do think it's a cultural difference there. Honestly like everyone said above, just ask and talk to them. Get their opinion on whether they'd be okay with helping. You know your family better than anyone on these forums and as long as you're not bossing people and being rude I don't see the problem.

I would help any of my friends as much as they needed, same with my family. I love them dearly and would want them to have the best day ever, knowing they wouldn't ask me to do anything unreasonable.

I have helped at every wedding where I have been a part of the bridal party. I have also helped with setup and take down at almost every other family wedding I have been to for that matter. I personally enjoyed being able to spend that extra time with the bride and groom and help them get things ready for their big day. Until I started planning my own wedding it had never even crossed my mind that some people may consider it improper etiquette, I was always thrilled to be included and to be able to help out!

In addition to the standard groomsmen and bridesmaids, I have hostesses and ushers who were asked to help with these things. They are a part of the bridal party, but they understand that they will be assisting with some of these things.

View Quoted Comment So what do you think of a surveymonkey-type thing asking people if they would like to help and in what capacity?

You said in your last post that your bridal party (siblings) don’t want to help. If someone offers, of course you can take them up on it, but you shouldn’t expect them to help when they’ve already told you no.

View Quoted Comment They haven’t actually said no, they just haven’t offered help and I don’t see them offering?

I do not think it is bad to ask but if I were you I would ask someone to be your “person if the day” This person would be the person you would sit and tell your plan in detail so they understand what you want/need. From there I would have the person of the day get a group together to assist them on the day. This way on your big day no one is coming up to you asking hey did you want this? Or does this need to go here? They can ask the “person of the day” and get the directions they need. Once you have your person of the day and a small group of helpers everything should go smoothly.

View Quoted Comment

I think that's a little impersonal, I'd call them directly or ask by text. How many tasks do you need help with? I would still keep it to asking close family/friends or anyone that has asked if they could help.

View Quoted Comment Okay, that sounds good. Thanks

With our wedding, we are having some family members with small tasks throughout the wedding day bc I’m not hiring DOC. Plus they are willing to help. So there’s nothing wrong with delegating tasks.

I don’t think it’s bad to “ask” but just make it clear that they have the option to say no without feeling bad about it. You don’t want them to feel pressured or obligated to help or like you’ll be upset with them if they don’t. But there’s no harm in asking.

When I was a bridesmaid, we helped finished decorating the venue before we had the rehearsal. It was really fun to help out with getting stuff ready. She helping to decorate optional but of course most of us went to help if we could!

Basically they're the people that you want closest to you at the wedding (like they'er with you when you're putting everything together, they're standing up beside you and partying all night). If you need particular people to be point people then you can certainly ask them, most people don't mind picking up some of eh bits and pieces (helping assemble decor, handling some stuff like invitations )