Is it OK to ask to see the best man speech before reception?

I think that would be pretty disrespectful. You shouldn't of asked him to do one if you didn't trust him.

I'm not sure of the etiquette on this but you don't have to have speeches either

We still want to do speeches, but we have a few groomsmen who are known for being very personable and good writers, so I think it would be OK if we frame it as if the groomsmen was interested in helping him. (They genuinely are interested in helping him and have even asked themselves to help the BM out - because they know how he is, too). He's all over the place, lol. So I think it would be nice for us to be able to breathe. I know it's not the most courteous to not entirely trust him, but I think taking control on any wildness he may interject could be good for everyone's sake of their nerves.

Not okay.

@carrie - he is my fiance's younger brother and he really wanted him to be the BM. he is not taking any responsibility of being the BM, though, besides the speech. all of the groomsmen are planning the bach party, organizing everything, etc. Our BM also threw a hissy-fit before my fiance asked him because he thought he wasn't going to be asked. (There's a lot going on there...and the family babys him- I know (sigh)).

You're not reading what everyones writing?

I would. I've had *readers* at the ceremony that wrote such horrifying, inappropriate stuff that I have stopped letting anyone say anything without me seeing it.

Thank you, Celia!!

No, that's not your place. If he is giving a speech he gets to do it himself--you can't tell him what to say or not say.

And frankly, if he wants to say something inappropriate he will regardless of how you try to edit his draft. He is the one talking, so he will just say it whether it is on the "approved" paper in front of him or not.

Umm guys!!! LOL I am NOT the one reviewing his speech - we would have a groomsmen do that.

We are not having the MOH or BM give a speech, however they are my children and tend to be uncomfortable in those situations.

Just remind him that you expect his speech to be in good taste and brief. I am sure he is trustworthy but sometimes booze," bro" hood and party spirit do things to people.

I'm on both sides of this. My FH was seriously basing his decision of his best man (between two people of their small group) on what they would say in their speech. Really, the only reason why he wouldn't choose this one in particular is because he's a "loose cannon." I don't know the guy and only met him once so, if he was chosen, we were debating either omitting the speeches (which I'm fine with) or place my FMIL front and center because the FH said that she's the only one that friend wouldn't want to offend/disappoint.

BUT when I was MOH, the bride asked me to include the story of how they met because she thought it would be funny. Problem was, I never knew either of them when they met and it really wasn't that funny of a story. The BM was the groom's brother (who was there when they met) but she wanted me to do it. I thought it was weird and super awkward for me to tell the not-funny story, especially since I had mine written out and she laid this on me two days before the wedding. I would have rather her not have a say in how I did my speech.

My thoughts are if he is that immature you should have reconsidered your best man. Even if you have someone read it, there is a possibility he is still going to say whatever he wants. Good luck.

@Asta, totally agree! We plan on doing that as well. Thank you so much!

Definitely have your FH talk to him, if your worried I don't see any harm in your FH or groomsmen offering to help him. It's all about how it's put him. Don't tell him you want them to help, let them offer the help to him. I dropped so many hints about my concerns over our BM speech that emailed it to me of his own accord ( I said nothing to him) asking me if it was ok and if he had included all the necessary thankyous. ( I'm not sure about in the US but in Ireland the BM has to complement the bridesmaids, thank and mention all the foreign guests (we had a lot), others who need thanking and helped out. I think he was worried he'd leave someone out.

How old is he? Asking to read/approve his speech, it could offend him. If your FH can bring up the subject, organically, in a conversation it may work.

Our Best Man is my future son in law. He's 12. My FH will more than likely provide guidelines for what he should say during his toast/speech. He's been looking forward to giving his speech since he found out we were getting engaged - there's no way we would skip it.