Is it just me?

No, people are not required to provide you an explanation as to why they are not attending your wedding. They are just supposed to RSVP by the deadline.

I’ve never heard of needing to explain why or sending a card. I mean, if I couldn’t attend a good friend or close family member’s wedding, I’d probably send a gift, but extended family/acquaintances/co-workers, I would just send the RSVP back.

I agree with PP's. Etiquette only requires that people RSVP, whether it be a "yes" or a "no". Even then, not everyone RSVP's unfortunately. We didn't have any declines followed by an explanation, nor did we expect one.

I agree with the PP. Could be they have something going on that day or maybe it date and time is a conflict. Also, truthfully I would not send a card or wedding gift if I am not attending the event. I would not let this be a stress for you as you will have enough to worry about in regards to your wedding so do not let guest numbers impact your feelings. You will have a great day either way.

I just RSVPed no to a wedding but yes to the bridal shower where I gave her a gift. We did not provide our reason for not attending, though it was wildly known that it was because this wedding is in a rather expensive area in the Florida Keys and a lot of people cannot afford it. You won’t get explanations from people as to why they aren’t going and they may or may not send you a card, but it’s not required of them to do either.

I agree with PPs. As long as they RSVP on time, they don’t need to send an explanation. Does it really matter why? The RVSP is to count how many guests you’ll have. While it would be nice to understand why, and I completely agree with that because I am usually a curious person too, they weren’t impolite by not explaining why.

I don’t think people need to provide an explanation but I personally would

Nope. No one is required to explain their declination. They may choose to depending on how close they are to you but it's their choice. Same with sending a card or gift after they've declined to attend. 100% their choice.

Now if it was someone who is in your wedding party, I would expect at least some sort of explanation to be given. One of my FH's GM had to bow out due to unexpected family and financial obligations that mean he won't have the time or money to attend our wedding, even as just a guest. He let FH know about it before he sent his RSVP back.

No one is required to give you an explanation.

Definitely not an expectation or the norm; and frankly, probably not something you even WANT to hear. Better not knowing. We had a couple people give reasons, particularly if they were gushing about being sad to miss like “so sorry to miss it but I’ll be out of the country for work” or my cousin who didn’t say anything on her rsvp but came to my shower and talked about how she was moving her son into college that weekend.... but we had other people not and I’m glad bc I know some people just didn’t want to make the effort. If everyone had to give their true excuse we would’ve gotten at least one “I don’t feel close enough to you to make the trip” one “with my husband away I feel like it would be awkward to come alone” a “you are not a priority for us” and another which apparently turned out to be “in a bit of a bad way mentally so am socially isolating myself”


The last wedding *I* declined, my real reason was “I don’t want to spend all the money that my attendance would require on this” — it wasn’t worth it to me for personal reasons. I’m glad I didn’t have to get into that. It was still someone I care about, but the money was not an inconsequential amount.

I would just be happy that they responded. Why someone chooses not to attend your wedding is personal and no business of yours. IMO a definitive "no" is better than no answer and having to chase someone down for an RSVP.

I wouldn't expect an explanation or a card from someone not attending. Some might send a card but its unlikely. I wouldn't take offense to it.

Our RSVP cards had a blank white back so a lot of people wrote things like "Congratulations! I'm sorry we can't make it." or something but not everyone. Some of them "no" responses sent gifts as the wedding got closer, but again, not all. I personally would never RSVP no to a wedding and not send a gift and a card, but that's not the case for everyone.

View Quoted Comment I feel the same way! I’m glad someone agrees with me!

View Quoted Comment

I wouldn't take it offensively if someone just says "no" though. That's WAY better than them not replying at all.

People have busy lives. I wouldn't stress about that. I would have never written something. If they are a close friend, I would have told them via text or phone call.

View Quoted Comment I mean I’ve sent a gift for some weddings I’ve declined (depending on circumstances), but if I do that I send the gift around wedding time, not rsvp time.

Standard etiquette is that there is no reason or justification needed for declining an invitation when first issued. Details of her guests choices, be it finances, going to an event she prefers, or doing nothing, are none of the host's business. Hosts must graciously assume the best of people That no one would turn down her invitation, except to keep a previous engagement, or attend to some urgent business. But never ask. On the other hand, if you get an RSVP yes, and at the very last moment an emergency cancellation, that requires an explanation of what was so urgent to make a change after everything was all set, from food to seating. Basically, people have their own way of conducting their life, and their choices, without justifying things to friends or family in social activities. The same etiquette applies with budgets. If someone tells you, I can only afford to spend $50 on our weekend trip, or I cannot pay $200 for a dress, or bachelorette party, that is it. It is not up to anyone else to say, well you had $100 for concert tickets, and you are working a lot of overtime to take a vacation, why won't you save up for what I ask? People make their own choices about money. It is not up to you to say your wedding or party is more important than a place need concert or vacation. But, if someone tells you, I want services of a hairdresser, 3 months before the wedding, and gives you half the cost for a deposit, if she changes her mind at the last minute, she still owes the rest of the money. Because she had a choice, close enough to the event to plan around, and saying yes and putting down money incurred an expense you have to pay if she doesn't. And if she can't, she owes you a very good, real reason, like her house burned down, or she used the money to pay bail. It is really saying when it comes to your private life, spouse or immediate family, you need to talk about things. But not in the social arena. There, there is a formalized process, offers made, are accepted or not, no reasons given. Adults are independent beings, who order their own lives as they choose, until they draw another person in and leave that other person stuck. Then the curtain on their prices act is pulled aside, and the why of things is expected.

No reason or explanation is required nor are they required to send you a card/gift. They just need to provide a Yes/No by your deadline.

Chiming in with all of those who say that there is no etiquette expectation to provide a reason, just that a response should be given by the deadline. In fact, it's usually better not to give an excuse/reason/justification, because the reason might not be deemed good enough and could cause unintended hurt. We have definitely had lots of posts here from brides unhappy about the reason people declined their invitations.