is any one else having the "hyphen" argument

It sounds like you and your FH might benefit from discussing further with each other what it would mean to each of you for you to take his name, hyphenate, or adopt one of the other options (e.g., keep your maiden name as a middle name). Perhaps the problem lies not in any of the options but in the options symbolizing different things to each of you. If he gets that you are keeping your name because that is all of you and who you have been and that you want to join that to his name (symbolizing getting to join in family, bring who you have been into who are you becoming with him, expressing pride in his family, etc....), maybe the argument about the meaning of the name can be resolved---a hyphenated option may actually symbolize greater family pride!

Ultimately, I agree, it's your name. It should be what most authentically represents you and fits what you feel the names stand for/indicate.

I wanted to hyphenate because I have a daughter from my previous marriage and I didn't want it to be hard on her not having the same last name as me any more. But FH had a fit when I brought it up because it is my ex's last name and not my maiden so under the rug it went and I will take his name.

All those arguing about children with different last names- my children have a different last name then I do, and it's never been an issue. I'm still their mommy! Occassionally, I get addressed as Ms. L (their last name, at school especially)- but it's never been a problem. My kids have even corrected their teacher a few times saying "Mommy's name is Ms. B- but she's still my mommy!" They are very respectful and not rude about it, but it's just funny.

You can be a parent and not share the name. FH had the discussion about what if I had kept that name and stuff- and he said it would have really bothered him. It was like I was clinging to that family instead of being who I am. To FH, MY name (that I was born with) is who I am. My old married name is NOT. I am joining him, not clinging to an ex. He said if I had kept my married name, it would have been a slap in the face to whatever man I eventually married and made a life with. Just thought I would share a guy's perspective

The only people's whose opinions matter are you and your FH. Personally, I would NOT be happy if NiseyyD wasn't taking my name fully (no hyphen) and it would be a major argument, but we are both more traditional when it comes to that and we don't have any reason for argument.

I have been waiting my whole life to not be at the end of the alphabet but a friend of mine combined thier last names (macdonald and ramous) they are now the McRamous their reasoning is that she wasnt just joining his family he was joinning hers and together they were starting their own. I think it was kind of cute.

Glenn- I'm traditional, too. But I have to ask you- if Niseyy had spent years in an industry where her reputation (based on her name) meant alot, would you ask her to give that up? I can see being upset if she didn't use your name csually.

But for someone like me- changing my name professionally would be like starting over in my career. I've worked too long and too hard to just give all that up and start over. Would you be willing to start over and lose your name and your reputation? Why does she have to give that up?

But I'm hyphenating for ease of use reasons. I changed it all with my first marriage, and forgot to change one bank account. It was a pain in the butt trying to access it when I finally tried to! With my hyphenated name on my license, I wouldn't have had that problem.

Meghan B. has a great response. Does your father have any sons to carry on his family name? Mine does not. I considered the hyphenation for a while, (Kelly Gossett-King, for professional reasons, since our company is our family name) but I really like the alliteration of just Kelly King. My sister also used hyphenation in the beginning of her marriage as she is a well-known insurance agent. It can be a good transition, something you can use temporarily. Maybe if it is only for the first few years, they could compromise.

Meghan, I would say 100000% that I would be mad. I have seen many women in many different industries that built up a maiden name and then were able to successfully and frankly rather easily make the transition to the married name. The fact is if you are good, people will adjust to your new name.

BTW, the name switch that I have seen the most is actually the divorcee's that change from their married name back to their maiden name without issue.

Nope, not an argument. I'm doing it and that's the end of it. If I do decide to have children, their names won't be hyphenated.

I hyphenated mine as everyone knows my maiden name and my daughter has it also. I say my DH's last name and even sign it all the time except on legal documents. Some people are confused as to what to call me. Either last name will work or just call me "Susan".

What made me decide to take my FH's last name is that I decided I wanted to have the same last name as our kids and I don't want them to have to hyphenate their last name. (I want people to know that they're mine!) Don't just think about yourself when you make this decision if you want to have kids someday!

Glenn- I agree- that can happen, in time. However, right after the wedding I will be actively interviewing for new positions. In my industry, reputation means alot- and they want to verify certian awards, all of which were recieved for me, in my maiden name. Also, my military benefits are in my maiden name. All my financial assets/house/car, etc are in my maiden name.

FH knows that we are forming a family, and what we call it makes no difference. I'll certainly be using his name socially, but professionally and financially- I'm keeping the name I've been building those up with for years.

I am keeping my name exactly as it is. I suggest that if your FIL's bring up the topic again, throw them off, tell them you are considering the options.

LOL @Stacy thats exactly what it was a disasterriage. Thats why I don't recommend getting married too young. Takes time to know yourself and what you want in a mate. If I was the person then that I am now. I would not have even stopped to say hello to my X. But on another note. I'd like to continue to share my kids last name. My daughter has my maiden name and my son has my xhusbands name and my maiden name hyphenated. So I will definitely be hyphenating my maiden name with my FH. I would like to keep our family name in unison. When you hyphenate your name you really get to choose which one you go by. The truth is if you are known at work by your maiden name you can continue to use it. Even when you change your social security card, id and etc. I've been there and done that and its perfectly acceptable and legal. If the name is hyphenated both names are legal. Some people don't even change their social security cards and etc