Is a Wedding Worth the Money?

@Firstoneat56 made a great point: How much are things worth to you? A $4 coffee at Starbucks is a lot but when you are meeting a friend, then it is worth it. I, myself, am really tired of seeing my relatives only at funerals (4 in the last year) so I am totally on board with hosting a happy event!

@Natalie made a good point too: Whatever is financially comfortable for you. It is FH's first wedding so I want him to have all he wants. Luckily our visions match up on what we want to spend and what we don't want to spend on, so it is all good.

Edited to add: I feel for the folks in this forum who have everyone and Mom giving unwanted advice, telling couples you need this or you don't want to do that. I had that the first time and it took away a lot of joy. This time? It about what we want and can choose to afford, within reason.

I tried convincing FH to elope when we first started talking about marriage. He wasn't interested. We started planning a wedding and we almost cancelled on several occasions because it just isn't worth it. But we are in too much money at this point. But we could have used this money for work that needs to be done on our house, an amazing honeymoon overseas exploring somewhere we've never been, or an awesome family vacation. Instead we spent money on one day. A day that is supposed to be about FH, our son, and I becoming a family. And with everyone's inputs and demands it hasn't been about that at all. I'm no longer a fan of weddings at all just in general. FH and I are already talking about renewing our vows on our 5 or 10 year anniversary but it will be just us and our children. It will be simple and to the point.

It's a fine balance, between being prudent and frugal, and also never enjoying life because you are afraid to spend any of your money. I have worked hard to get to the point where I could afford the wedding I want (pretty much, of course I made some compromises like everyone else) and I wouldn't trade one penny that I spent on it to have my mortgage paid down a little further, or anything else. Those memories are priceless. I don't think I'll be saying on my death bed that I'd rather have a little more real estate than that precious memory.

Totally understand you! We chose to have our reception at an extravagant venue, but to keep the guest list to a strict number so we could afford it (for us that's 110 people). However, we have budgeted more tightly for other things such as photographer, flowers etc. We found a photographer for under $1000 whereas some people spend around $5000 on a photographer for the day. You figure out what's important to you and what is not and you choose to spend more in some areas than others depending on your budget. Now here's what I think-you should do what YOU want for YOUR wedding. People will tell you that certain things are rude or tacky or not etiquette, just IGNORE them! This is YOUR day. There are no rules for YOUR wedding, you should make it your own and according to your own rules. Your wedding is a celebration of the fact that you and your FH have chosen to spend the rest of your lives together. People hear the word "wedding" and lose sight of what the celebration is really about because the only words that pop into their minds are "party" "free" "food" and "drinks." Family and friends will all lose sight of what the true celebration is about at some point or another during your wedding and that's okay. They will ALL, at some point or another, have an opinion about YOUR wedding, even complete strangers. The thing is, it's all okay because for their wedding they can do whatever it is that THEY want or if they already had a wedding, then I can bet you that they did it the way THEY wanted. So just keep in mind this you and your FH's day. You both should do what you want, however you want to do it. Ignore the other people who like to insert their opinion and lean on each other for support and love. In my case, I preferred an expensive venue and limited my guest list which has caused a lot of issues (certain people wondering why they haven't been invited, friends wondering why their sisters/brothers/parents not invited, etc.) There's always some issue with a choice I have made for my wedding and I have started to realize that it doesn't matter. What they say doesn't matter, it's not their wedding and you get this ONCE in a lifetime opportunity to do it the way you like. If it's important for you to have your whole family there and it requires only a cocktail style event or disposable plates then DO IT and own it and I hope you have an AMAZING time!

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Why can't we "like" comments on this thing?! I LOVE this

I've had the same thoughts, I wouldn't spend $20,000+ on a wedding because we want to invest that kind of money into a house and some land. We are trying to stay as close to 5,000 as we can, so we can also save for land and a home.

We put the focus on our guests. We really wanted to give them an amazing day or weekend being treated to the best music, food, alcohol, accommodations, etc. For some people, this may be the last time you see all your loved ones in the same room. My mom passed away last year before my wedding so I know this too well. Cherish your loved ones and use your money to make their experience amazing.

Yes and no. I think if your budget is equal to the amount you could save up in 1-2 years, and it doesn't equal a solid house down payment, totally worth it.

Can you do a small elopement/wedding (5-15 people) and then throw an inexpensive local reception for the big family--like a brunch? You might have some gifted money left for a down payment. We LOVED our 15-person destination wedding. We hosted a local reception a few months later. Didn't break the bank.

At least elope! Amazing experience with your honey-bunny.

For me, no, it would absolutely not be worth it. It’s probably the last way I’d ever want to spend my money. But that’s why I’m eloping! I’ve never been one to dream of a wedding even when I was a little girl. So I think it’s absolutely subjective I think if a big wedding is what you want, that’s great and then would be worth it!!! (unless you’re going into debt to have it of course)

Have a small wedding, use the rest of the money on your honeymoon or your future home.

H and I talk about this often, how we regret we didn't have a smaller wedding - we had 320 guests! Though 40 of them RSVPd, they never showed or called. We could have saved more money if we had a smaller wedding with just the people we knew were going to be there. Now that we're buying a home, we wish we had that money to use.

My FI and K have never been to a family wedding, ever. Only recently we have been to three weddings as a couple for our friends nuptials. His parents had a courthouse ceremony and my parents had 125 guests. He more than I wanted this, he had listened to his mom regret their choice for the past 20+ years and didn’t want to live with it himself.

If I could do it over I would invite all to a destination wedding and pay for rooms of those who came. Maybe just invite 25 VIPs? Then invite everyone and their mother to a kick ass cocktail reception upon our return that starts at 8pm. I think I have talked a dear friend into this as she has listened to my woes hahaha. Here we are spending about $60k and it is what it is.

View Quoted Comment They got rid of it with the updates

For us, it was. We will never have all our closest friends and family together like that again. Family we hadn't seen in years, and won't see again for years since we moved away, were there. It was so special to have everyone together like that to celebrate and support you.

We have the rest of our lives to make more money. We had one chance to have a wedding.

Weddings are kind of like a family reunion that centers around the bride. I think they are worth it because it's the only time some of these people will ever meet. Might as well make it the best party of ur life!

Personally I think it is a waste of money. Now that said I also highly believe in the statistics that the more a wedding costs the more likely you are to get a divorce.

My FH and I had originally wanted just to elope. I told my mother about that and she through a fit stating that I'd regret it like she had (mind you she's been married 3 times and has had multiple chances to have her dream wedding). I ended up deciding to have a small wedding and reception which has morphed into something bigger than I ever wanted. I have already started paying for it all so while I'm unhappy with it, it's what we're doing.

If it's important to you and your spouse that's all that matters. Don't let people tell you it's a waste of money and let it get to your head. How you want to make your marriage official is solely yalls decision and no one has the right to make you or tell you otherwise. If they think that way then they don't need to be there. And if they are contributing I would decline their offering and pay what you could on your own. I think it's ugly how people think they can voice an opinion like that to the couple when it's supposed to be a life changing event!

I felt very similar. I was really stressed looking around, trying to find items in budget that I also enjoyed. I worried about how others would feel and I definitely asked DH multiple times if we could just elope. But we went through with it and had it this past Saturday. It was 100% worth all the anxiety, stress, and money. It was the. Most amazing experience to share this day with our family and friends and I have absolutely no regrets.

I dooo think it’s a waste of money. We had a wedding, and I loved my wedding. But our wedding budget was a gift from our parents a combined budget of 7k. But we did not have 150 guests, we did not have a traditional venue, we did not have a dj and we did not have a honeymoon. We had a consumption bar which we saved money on, awesome food by having it at a restaurant off the beach and a wonderful afterparty. I did not rent a ballroom. My dress was less than 100 dollars. I don’t regret our wedding it was one of the happiest days of my life. But you cannot have the $20,000 party for 5000. 20000+ is too much money. If you scale back what it is you want- you can have a lovely event and not feel guilty for spending a down payment on a house on one party.


You can have a lovely wedding with a budget- but you need to have reasonable expectations.

I think it's worth it, but not if you have to go into debt doing so. Your life together is more important And starting out with debt isn't a good step.

Thank you, everyone! I appreciate the support and advice