Inviting mom's friends to my wedding

She's paying, so she gets a say. If you don't want to invite her friends, then don't take the money.

Your wedding is not for a year. Give her money back. Give her no friends. Save up for other stuff.

I agree that if she's paying, she has a say...however, 30 friends is a little excessive. It is still YOUR wedding. Try talking to her and give her a max number of friends she can invite. If she can't compromise, decline her money.

$15k is a lot of money, even in wedding land. How much does it come out to per person? If the friends of hers you have invited work out to more than she's giving you, I would explain that and be firm on no more coworkers being invited. If the cost per person is less than the $15k, she really should be allowed to invite more people. So I would think that you should either give the money back or cover whatever it costs you want to cover yourself

I have to agree, the person who pays has a say. $15,000 is a lot of money - what is your per person cost? Your mom has $15,000 towards that if that is where she feels the money would best be spent. I suggest you decline her money, that way she would not have a say.

Your mom is contributing financially to the cost of your wedding. She gets a say, and this includes a say in the guest list. If you want to accept her $15k, you're going to have to sit down and find an agreeable compromise with her, which will involve including some of her friends.

@Jennifer. -- GMTA!

Yep, the money you accepted comes with strings. She gets a total say in who's invited. If you want to call the shots, decline the money and plan the wedding you can afford.

I'll invite 50 of your mom's friends to my wedding if I could get a check for 15k....

Although she is contributing, in my opinion, it is selfish and rude of her to lord it over your head manipulating you so she can get her way. With that said, let her know that with the additional guests, you will need more money from her to cover the cost.

LusineK, unless I missed something, I did not see the per person cost. It may be that the mom wants more invites the the inlaws, who are contributing more. It is not clear to me if the cousins on the moms side are in addition to the 50, whether the 50 includes spouses, fiances, etc. That is why I think OP needs to tell her mom to take her 15,000 and she gets no invites. The mom is going to be a pain in the neck.

ETA -- right now, she is saying count at 220, cost 27,000, but not certain how that is broken down? Not certain if they can even add more people. But out of 220, mom's friends 50 is excessive.

Wow 15 grand.. I felt uncomfortable when my mom gave me $500 to put towards my wedding dress. That is a lot of money, she should get to invite who she wants.. or give her money back and take the friends off the guest list.

No. You have to put your foot down. I love my moms friends and invited 15 or so to the wedding that I've known a long time. Inviting 45 friends is over the top. I disagree that her money allows for that many people. She needs to pick the most important and be done with it.

This is an over estimate because I don't know how much to take out of the $27k for the flat venue rental, but assuming it was all towards the pp cost for the original 220 guests, that's $123 pp.

$123 x 30 = $3690 to add the extra 30 guests.

$45,000 - $30,690 = $14,310 left in your budget, assuming you and FH aren't also contributing.

And remember, I grossly overestimated your pp cost because I divided the $27k by your original guest count before subtracting your venue rental fee, so really, you'd have more left in your budget. By all means, talk to your mom about a compromise on the number of friends she invites if you want to try to negotiate the number of strangers down. But know that her $15k is not a small amount and will more than cover a few extra guests and things like photography and a cake. I don't think it would be appropriate to tell your mom the $15k she's generously offered you is not enough to cover the extra guests she'd like to invite and in order to accommodate any of her friends, she needs to fork over more money.

Blue Hen, it is not clear to me if in addition to the 70 friends, there are mom's relatives. I would be fed up with this. The mom will never stop with demands. OP should tell mom take her money and no guests. If OP has not given final count to venue, she can cut size.

My parents gave us a good bit of money for the wedding, and they're inviting over 40 friends (of our 228 total invited guests.) If they're paying, you need to let them invite their friends.

If she's giving you $15k, it's only right to allow her to have some friends. Maybe sit down and come to a compromise.

Laura, 40/228 =/= 70/220.

I had a talk with this about my parents when they offered to help. Both sides of my family (my parents are divorced) are contributing substantially but are also large family-wise. FH and I are introverts and want something more intimate. May just need to chat with your mom about the tradeoffs.

This is what can happen when other people are paying for your wedding; they get to dictate how their money is spent.

If you want to invite your own friends and still get the cake, photographer, etc. that you want without compromising, it's going to have to come out of your own wallet.

Have invites to the 250 person wedding gone out yet?