Inviting coworkers...

I dont think its tacky at all. very reasonable in my opinion because the day is about you, nobody else and its not a social party for your coworkers. i would say "unfortunately we are well over our budget AND guest list so its definitely okay that you bring them bc we can squeeze them in but since i have finalized a guest count (you should say you have even if you havent to give a valid explanation), id like it if you could take care of your own drink bill. i dont think thats rude at all. i would simply just tell them that youve finalized a guest count estimation for the bar and any guest amount above that will have to be paid for out of the attendee's pocket. you could even include something like "let me know if that works. it would really help me out. otherwise we'll have to figure something else out". best of luck to you!!!

I disagree to an extent - I don’t think it’s nice saying ‘you can come but...’ - zero issues with wishing Wells (we will be having one) but I don’t know if telling people that they need to pay for booze is nice.
In saying this I think only those who are married or engaged should get a plus one.

It's usually common courtesy to give a guest a plus one if they are in a relationship, especially married. If cost is an issue I would say don't invite any coworkers and explain to them that you want a small wedding for financial reasons.

This whole thing is tacky. You absolutely shouldn't invite someone to just a fraction of your event. Not only is that incredibly rude, but I highly doubt that your venue and caterers will be okay with this. If you choose to follow through with this plan, which I would highly suggest reconsidering, you need to allow your guests to bring their significant others and they absolutely shouldn't have to pay for them. This is an event that you decided to host and you decided to invite them to, they shouldn't have to open their wallets to pay for anything. It doesn't sound like you can afford to invite them in the first place, so maybe you just shouldn't.

View Quoted Comment Yea, im definitely not inviting them to whole event, and both my venue and caterers said many people do the same, they had no issue at all.
What im thinking of doing at this point is just including a plus 1 to those who actually live with their significant others, and the rest no plus 1.
I have about 5 coworkers who I actually want to invite. The rest im inviting to just not seem like an a-hole for excluding them. So im not about to drop an extra grand for people i dont really care about. Nope. Not doing it.

Do you have to invite them if you don’t like them?


I agree with others saying it’s rude. How will your caterer/bartender know who has to pay for their own drinks?

I don’t understand. Why invite them to the reception and not the ceremony? The ceremony doesn’t cost any money. I would’ve initially just advised you not to invite them at all. Just because someone asks to be invited doesn’t mean you have to say yes. However, since you did invite them, telling them they can only come to the reception is rude, plus illogical since you aren’t saving any money by having fewer people at the ceremony.


As for them bringing guests, you need to put your foot down. You shouldn’t have invited these people to begin with, but you did. But you can draw the line now. No, they cannot bring guests. Theoretically you should invite everyone’s spouses, but it sounds like you can’t afford it, and if they’re coming in a group of 15 other coworkers, they should be fine just hanging out with each other. If you are able to afford JUST the people who are married to bring their spouses, maybe do that. However I think saying “you can bring a guest but I’m not paying for their drinks” is way ruder than just saying “I’m sorry we don’t have the space or budget to accommodate another person, but I hope you’ll still be able to make it.”

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She's saving money because she's not providing her coworkers with a meal. They're only permitted to come after her actual wedding guests have finished eating.

I would invite just the 5 (with spouse/bf) and not all of them. Or if you’re concerned about hurting feelings then don’t invite any and let them know you are having a small wedding and the guest list is full. Just because you work with them, doesn’t mean you have to invite them. It’s your wedding so you get to control the guest list.


I’d also keep in mind whether you think you would be friends with them if you quit your job. Since you only hang out with 1 outside of work I’d question inviting others at all.

View Quoted Comment OH I missed that part. So... they’re not REALLY invited then...

I’m a teacher and all my coworkers know I’m getting married. However, I’m not inviting all 20+ staff to the wedding; only those who I’m closest to and see outside of work will be invited (about 7). There is no reason to invite the entire office. However, since you have, I really would suggest you invite them to the entire wedding. I would be so offended to find out I was only allowed to come to the reception after all the other “preferred” guests had been fed and have seen the ceremony. I’d feel like you were just looking for a gift out of me. And while I do believe ANYONE in a relationship should have their SO invited, regardless of how serious you deem their relationship, I can understand a blanket statement of no coworker SOs due to cost (coworker did this last summer and while it was against etiquette, we were fine).

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This! Everything this!

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Exactly this, OP. Put yourself in their shoes. If I was "invited" to your wedding, I would be horrified if I showed up only to find that the ceremony and reception dinner were over and I was only there for the last part of the evening. If I brought you a gift, I would quickly retrieve it, leave immediately, and that would be the last of me speaking to you again except for necessary work communication.

Either invite you coworkers to the whole thing, or don't invite them at all.

View Quoted Comment I told them all from the beginning that i was trying to have a smaller budgeted wedding, and because i was newer to the company, am not very close CV to any of them, and we have a larger group, if i did invite them at them it would only be to the after party for drinking and dancing. They all seemed fine with it. Plus many of them work until 7pm anyway, so im inviting them to join us at 8pm. I also have not formally invited anyone. All i have done thus far is verbally tell them i would invite them to come for the after party.
Ivalso explained my venue is smaller, and i dont have room to accommodate 30 extra sitting people, but im imagining some of my older family wont stay very late after dinner, so as they clear out.. coworkers can come party.
Another girl at my work is getting married in August, a month after me, she has sent out invites already, and she isnt letting anyone bring a significant other, but we are invited to the whole event. Granted she has worked there quite longer than me.

I actually do feel like this conversation has helped me, so even though most are horrified at my plans... im now thinking.
After party invites, no plus one, and maybe something like "your presence at our party is present enough, dont worry about what to buy, we have pleanty of stuff"
Also the invites for my coworkers will be different from those coming to the ceremony & dinner. They will clearly state "after party for drinks and dancing" 8pm

If you are already that far over budget I say don't invite the extra co workers. Why go out of your way to pay for someone to attend a special day in your life when you don't even speak to that person outside of work. As far as couples go if I was invited to a wedding and my Husband was not included on the invitation or guest list in general and the bride or groom knew I was married I would probably not go to that wedding.

Seriously ladies... I'm glad I came here, because it's really helping me process.
Every response gets me closer to something I feel better about.
My new thought is, I will just include a plus 1 for all, probably not all will come anyway as many work that night, and early the next morning. And yes it will put me more over budget, but not insanely ($250 more for their dates drinks), it's the right thing to do. I have been very excited about my wedding, and cant shut up about it, so they do have interest in coming. Unfortunately there is no way for me to invite 30 extra people to dinner. I dont have the room, or the funds, and I've said that to them since day 1. My job is mostly young girls in their early 20s who like to dance and party. They will have fun, and i doubt they will be offended by not being invited to the whole thing because we arent close, and they have known that was the plan on my end all along from when they first asked to come.
Invite will say something like this:
Please JoinNicole & Johnfor theirAfter Wedding Celebration (Drinks & Dancing)July 2020 8pmOpen barNo presents, just your presence! --------------------------------
We will have cake for them as well, and probably order pizzas later on in the night for the party animals that stay late.

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As long as they know ahead of time what to expect, and they're ok with it, it sounds like you have a good plan going. Congrats!

I didn't invite any coworkers to my wedding. I had been there for a year at that time (full-time) and honestly, as much as I love some of them, I didn't want to put the obligation on them, nor did I want to hear anything about invitations. The coworkers at the job I left before this one were texting me weekly, I didn't invite them, either. We wanted to keep it as small as possible.

You need to do what's right for you. Don't go broke paying for your wedding.

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I second this. Husbands are not dates. If you can't afford to invite them, don't. You 100% do not need to invite your co-workers. It's rude of them to assume they are invited!