Invites and where to draw the line? I'm going to pull my hair out soon.

“Jane” mentions cousin “Lou’s” recent wedding, and how she was invited but none of the other cousins were and “Lou’s” excuse was lame, but I responded, “Well, I don’t care. I didn’t have the money to fly to CA anyway”. To which she said, “Well I care!” To which I thought, well then you are really going to be angry come June! So I’ve been thinking of inviting her and her branch of the fam, who I admit I'm closer with than most of the other cousins, and it’s only 6 people, of which maybe 3 or 4 will come, but she may be angry that I didn’t invite “Lou” and his branch, or the other branch of cousins. Neither “Lou” nor his brother invited me to their weddings, so I’m not worried about that, and at least “Jane” and her siblings will be invited, and it already takes my guest list over, but I’ll just hope some other guests will cancel. Do I invite “Jane” and her branch even tho I’m not inviting the other 2 branches of cousins, or do I not invite any of them and maybe miss out a bit?

Wow, this is definetly the "draw the line" issue hard at work. I hate the draw the line specifically for this reason! FH has 2nd cousins he sees regularly and I have first cousins I've never met, why shouldn't you invite someone you see regularly, but skip over the people that don't even know what state you are in or that you are of legal age to marry? I don't think you can worry about if guests will be aggravated by people that weren't invited, do what feels right to you. I like the idea of inviting that "branch".

We are not inviting cousins either (not even 1st). Our aunts and uncles have expressed unhappiness about this, so I get where you're coming from. We feel bad, but we can't afford to basically double our guest list. If we were particularly close to just a few of them, we would consider inviting them, and hope that the rest understand the reasoning. But with that said, ever since my father passed away, we don't speak to that side of the family. 2 of my uncles on that side have remained cordial (sent Christmas cards, send a foward text every once in a while, one even sent gifts when our son was born), and the rest I have not spoken a word to since the funeral. I considered inviting those two, but in the end decided against it to avoid the drama of not inviting the rest. BUT we are not close enough that they know about the event, so they will be none the wiser. If they were in our lives enough to know, or for sure would find out, I would think alot harder about it.

We invited uncles, aunts, cousins and it has gotten way out of hand! We have people inviting other family members because our wedding is a free for all or something!?! So I would say DONT DO IT!!! Just invite the people you really want to be there and if the others throw a fit about it just tell them that your venue has a limit and its been reached! I kinda regret inviting all the extended family members....

Thanks Sami, for liking my branch idea. I just commented on your post too. Alli, I'm so sorry you lost your father and lost touch with his family. That must be hard. I lost my mother 3 years and 3 days ago. It was exactly a week after I found out I was pregnant. Lucky for me (kind of) this is actually her family that I'm obsessing over. My dad doesn't spend much time with his 2nd cousins, so it's not really an issue, and he only had 1 brother. My mom was 1 of 4, and her mom was 1 of 5, and I knew all but 1 of them, and all of their kids, and kids kids, and kids kids kids, and now kids kids kids kids! God, I feel old. It's nice to know where you come from tho.

LOL, Melissa! Funny. I can see it going that way for me. I do want them there though. I would have them all there if I could... but I did not just recently win a million dollar wedding so... it's not going to happen.

You're pretty.

(shrug)

Just saying.

How about only inviting those that mean something to you and FS, regardless of whether or not they are related? Inevitably, some will be upset, but you are NOT going to be able to please everyone. Period. So make it about those you care about the most.

Exactly the reason we chose a small venue so we "unfortunately" could not invite my humongous family, thus avoiding this problem. But in reality..I would invite who I wanted (close friends and fam members) and anyone else could just be mad. It's about celebrating FH and I's union...not who's toes we don't want to step on.

Oh my our family had it OUT over this.. and only cause they invited SOME of their dads sisters but not ALL of them. THAT is rude! you're right you HAVE to draw a line... (now granted, i no longer speak to certain members of my mothers family, not for the previously mentioned reason, lol..another BIG one) regardless THEY will not be invited. Her ONE brother WILL be, cause as far as i am concerened he is my only uncle on that side!. NOW, the Cousins i still am friends with, not inviting them, and i will write an email to them that simply says, due to financial reasons we are unable to invite the cousins to our wedding. We love you and hope you understand. and guess what... they WILL. or.... they SHOULD. you can go nuts with money to feed someone you arent close too. family doesnt always = close. i got a HUGE family....they cant ALL come. lol

Our guest list is at 305 for supper! here's to hoping ppl can't make it! ugh I have no backbone....

I have a large family and we kept it to just aunts, uncles, and the cousins that were young enough to still live with their parents (only like 3). However, we had a couple that my dad heard might be interested in actually coming (we knew lots wouldnt come) so he put feelers out to my aunts and said if they're adult kids wanted to come, let us know and we'll invite them, but otherwise we arent' planning to.

In the end, we ended up not inviting any, but i felt like it was a good way to do it (and it genuinely worked with our family dynamics)

Well...so far me and FH are the only ones with paws in the guest list. We are paying for it so no one else has any say in who is coming. We also have divorces on both sides so it gets a little..interesting in some spots. However to help us we chose a venue where we could add a few people as it gets closer without it being a HUGE deal. Our list right now is around 75 or so. Our bottom line is we are not inviting anyone that is going to cause drama on our day. Except my mom. I kinda have to invite her ;/

We kinda went by who we exchange holiday cards and phone calls with. Who are the friends we regularly keep in touch with? Anyone that is negative is not invited. If they bring a warm presence and are enjoyable to be around, we invited them

Alyssa - LOL! I love that!

Mags - Yeah, hehe. Mama drama. My husband's got one of those. Gotta love 'em! Well actually, I guess you don't HAVE to love them, but you're right, you DO have to invite them. :p