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Super September 2018

Invited guests are already complaining - wedding timeline

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Gipperkm, on February 23, 2018 at 10:04 PM

Posted in Planning 48

Hi all,

Sorry for the length of this post in advance. We sent our save the dates on the 12th of this month. FMIL has been getting phone calls from people on my FHs dad's side of the family about our wedding being on a Sunday. They are saying a Sunday wedding is such a hard day for people who have to work the next day and get their kids ready for school the next day. They're all asking what time the wedding is and when FMIL says 5 (which by the way isn't really set in stone, but we did tell all our vendors 5), they complain even more, saying that's too late. "We shouldn't be expected to stay out late when we have kids and have to go to work the next day." Some have gone on to say we need to change the time of our wedding to 4 or even 3.

Now, I understand a Sunday wedding isn't easy for everyone, but we couldn't afford a Saturday wedding. My FHs family is huge and we HAD to invite all of them or those who weren't invited would complain and be hurt (this is what FMIL said). So, Sunday it is.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm annoyed about all this complaining. We should be allowed to have our wedding when we want. I mean, we went out of our way to make sure all these family members were invited and now they're freaking complaining! We could've not invited any of them! I personally don't want to change the time of the wedding. If they don't like it, they can leave early. Or not come at all. But anyway, my FH and I have talked and we are considering moving the wedding up to 4 or 4:30, even though we don't want to.

Anyone have an opinion on this? Should we stand our ground and keep the wedding at 5 or am I being unreasonable? Should I/we just suck it up and change the time?

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48 Comments

Super September 2018
Gipperkm · on February 23, 2018 at 11:46 PM
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Thanks for the advice. Your wedding day sounds awesome!
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Super August 2019
Bianca · on February 23, 2018 at 11:47 PM
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Everyone has said great things on here! I agree about having your wedding whenever you want to and people can just accept it. Honestly, we’re doing our wedding on a Sunday (of a long weekend) and we’re prepared for people to decline, it is what it is.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on February 24, 2018 at 12:27 AM
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Id move it up to even 3, because it is hard for people who have kids and i have a ton of families coming to my wedding. But not change the day.
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Just Said Yes September 2018
Elizabeth · on February 24, 2018 at 12:27 AM
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Also doing a Sunday wedding and making it adult only. If that upsets people, fine by me. One less plate of food I have to pay for! In all seriousness though, I echo what others have said. It's YOUR wedding and you should do whatever YOU want to do. I think it was Katharine Hepburn that said "If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased."
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Just Said Yes August 2018
Eletha & Anthony · on February 24, 2018 at 12:31 AM
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It's your day.... Do what YOU want, they will get over it
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Super September 2018
Gipperkm · on February 24, 2018 at 12:31 AM
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Same here! Sunday wedding and no kids! If we invited kids, we'd have well over 200 people. That was never gonna happen. Love that quote! Thanks for that.
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Just Said Yes April 2018
Savannah · on February 24, 2018 at 12:33 AM
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We are having a Friday wedding and thankfully no one has complained yet. However I’ve made it a point to apologize to my bridal party for having to miss work for wedding related festivities. Other than that, people complaining about getting invited to witness your marriage AND get a free meal and amazing night- bye!!! When people complain, I would be polite, but say, “I’m sorry it’s tough for you, however this is what works for us. We would love for you to come but understand if you cannot.” Even though you really want to say “Don’t like it don’t come, here’s my address for the gift.” LOL but honestly I don’t know, I would probably tell them to back off- I have no qualms- our wedding we can do what we want to
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Dedicated June 2018
Emilie · on February 24, 2018 at 12:35 AM
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Ahaha I’m glad the sass was appreciated! I’m in an ugly mood today because I just figured out I’m probably allergic to my engagement ring, and it’s killing me a little bit. Haha! I’m more on edge than normal because I’m so upset.

I’d be frustrated as well! I don’t blame you at all! Best wishes figuring it all out. I’m sorry they’re complaining!
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Super September 2018
Gipperkm · on February 24, 2018 at 12:39 AM
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Sass is always appreciated here! ;-)

Oh no!! I just read people can be allergic to their rings. So sorry this may be the case for you. What are you going to do?! Do you have to get a whole new ring or can something be done?
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Expert November 2018
Kristin · on February 24, 2018 at 4:49 AM
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I only understand the kid excuse if the kids are going. If they're staying home, then the babysitter can put them to sleep. I always put the kids to sleep when I babysat and the parents were out past the kids' bedtimes. If it was one of my friends or a cousin I liked I'd gladly take a Monday off to go out of town, I've done it before, or just drink some extra coffee the next day if it was in town! Do what works for you, sounds like they'll complain no matter what.
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Super August 2018
Anvenette · on February 24, 2018 at 6:36 AM
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Stand your ground. the point of a save the date is it plan ahead. if they can't do that then they should mark the decline option easy as that. Its your wedding you guys should not change anything
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Master May 2018
Forestwed · on February 24, 2018 at 6:56 AM
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That’s the problem with having Sunday weddings. It’s inconvenient for guests. Unless it’s in the afternoon it’s unfair to guests. You can keep it at 5 and have a lower guest count and people leaving very early or accomodate the guests and have it in the afternoon.
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Dedicated March 2018
Jessica · on February 24, 2018 at 7:42 AM
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No matter what you do, someone will complain about something. My wedding is on a Wednesday, and miraculously, we’be only gotten some question marks, not complaints. If people really want to come, they will make it happen regardless of when your wedding is. You’re most likely to lose people who are more on the periphery of the list. For us, out of everyone who RSVPed no, only one family would have been able to come if we had the wedding on a weekend.
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Just Said Yes June 2018
Michele · on February 24, 2018 at 8:06 AM
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This is just my opinion, and I did not read anyone else's before I wrote this because this is just MINE.
I would stand your ground and do not cater to your guests' complaints, and this is why..

My FH and I are getting married in June, on a Friday, at 11:30am.
We have thought about the time and date as well, along with a bunch of other wedding details.
We began to stress and planning our wedding was becoming more of a chore than anything..
Then, one of our guests made a very good point;
This is OUR wedding day and guests are invited to support and celebrate OUR marriage.
We are not marrying our guests, we are marrying each other.
We are not going in debt to throw a party for our guests, we are inviting them to share our special day with us.
If they do not like something and it is a huge deal to them, they can decline the invitation.
BUT, we are not catering to anyone for date/time because that is not what our wedding day is about.
We chose our date because it has significance behind it.
The guests who are there for the right reasons will be attending. Some of our guests will be taking the day off of work. Some of our guests are bringing their children, some will be leaving their children in school.
We are not having a formal reception, and that is our decision because it is not what we vision for our day.
At first we were stressing about what everyone else would want and think, and I was worried that people might not show up if we didn't have a formal reception, but then my wonderful friend reminded us that it isn't about our guests - it is about us - and the guests that really matter will be there to celebrate with us and support us.
If people don't show up then they weren't coming for the right reasons and that's fine.
You and your FH do what YOU two want. The worst mistake in planning is allowing too many people's opinions to matter.
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Super October 2017
K squared · on February 24, 2018 at 8:22 AM
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I wouldn't change the time. If you've already cleared it with your VIPs and these are, people you'd love to celebrate with but completely understand if they can't make it, guests, then they can either make it work or decline. We had a Sunday afternoon wedding because that's the day of the week that worked for my husband's family. We made sure to pick a Sunday that worked for the people on my side that I had to have there. Everyone else fell into the, would love to have you there but understand if you can't be there. If anyone from that category complained about how inconvenient it was and how much a Sunday wedding put them out than I'd rather they just decline.
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Savvy April 2018
Kristine · on February 24, 2018 at 8:24 AM
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You do your wedding when and where you want. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for what makes you happy. My first marriage (yes the relationship was a disaster but the party was at least good) we had our wedding on a Thursday because of the great deal and we thought most people wouldn't come.......we where wrong all but 12 of the 120 responded yes and most made it a 4 day weekend.......if people what to be there they will if they don't they will find an excuse.
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Dedicated June 2018
Emilie · on February 24, 2018 at 11:31 AM
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I have no idea! I’m trying to make sure it’s actually a nickel allergy by doing an at-home nickel test, before I jump. My FH is really sad and kept apologizing that he didn’t get the perfect ring for me! But it IS perfect! Oh, it was breaking my heart so badly last night trying to tell him about it. He’s already said we need to go to the jeweler and see about it, and he immediately said we could get it re-set in platinum. I hate for him to do that because it would be so expensive! Plus I don’t know how long that would take, and it also wouldn’t be he same ring he proposed with! Sorry, not meaning to hijack your post! I’m obviously very torn up about this. I literally had nightmares last night about it, I’m so upset. xD
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Master May 2016
Beutivant · on February 24, 2018 at 11:37 AM
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Gonna piggy back here and agree with most people. The wedding I was planning was on a Monday (Memorial Day). My husband and I are both in the theatre and have worked together for years which led to a lot of very close friendships. If we had our wedding on a Saturday to accommodate most schedules, then all our our friends wouldn't have been able to attend. Our compromise was Memorial Day as most people have that day off. Did everyone WANT to give up their holiday? No. Were we going to get some declines and pushback? Yeah, we expected that. I told the VIP family members beforehand and they understood and agreed they would make it work to be present. You can't please everyone. I say do not change your time. And good for you deciding to have a Sunday wedding when you could afford to properly host your guests instead of choosing the more convenient Saturday and skimping on your hosting. Best of luck to you.
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Devoted June 2019
JenB · on February 24, 2018 at 1:50 PM
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We had to move ours from 5pm to 11:30am because we are getting married in a state park and it closes at 5pm. It is your wedding. If people decide they don't want to come because of the time or day, their loss. You do what is best for you and your FH. I had quite a few people decline because of the date, but it is the date we decided together. As many people have said, you can't please everyone.
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Super July 2018
FutureMrsN14 · on February 24, 2018 at 2:01 PM
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I’d just do what you want! People will come or they won’t! I’m worried about the opposite, but haven’t heard anything yet! We are doing a Friday wedding starting at 4:30 and I think it may be too early for some, but they can make that decision for themself! Nothing I can do - venue has strict end time! our VIPs are fine with it so I’m not going to stress anymore!
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