Lilith
Beginner October 2012

Invite to Wedding, but NOT Reception?

Lilith, on September 8, 2010 at 11:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 51
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Is that totally taboo? I would LOVE to invite each and every person to both events, but we simply cannot feed them all. Gifts...not even an issue. So would it be rude to send Wedding Only invites to a certain group (even though it's usually the other way around?

51 Comments

  • Stacey DeWine
    February 2020
    Stacey DeWine ·
    • Flag

    Yes. It would be very, very bad. Imagine if you were invited to a wedding and found out from others that there was a reception going on that you were not invited to. I know I'd feel pretty horrible.

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  • Stacey
    Expert October 2010
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    Personally I would say yes, I mean would you want to go to someones wedding and then have to leave and go home knowing that everyone else gets to continue to celebrate at a reception??

    I can understand doing it the other way around, small wedding big reception, but not just the ceremony itself.

    • Reply
  • B
    Master January 2011
    bluedaisy ·
    • Flag

    Yeah. I think the only way this works is if you grew up in a church (and are often getting married there) and want to make an open invitation to the whole church saying they are invited to the ceremony, but send actual invites to those invited to both.

    Other than that, I dont think its appropiate.

    • Reply
  • R
    Super March 2011
    Rane ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Bluedaisy. That's the only exception I can think of...

    • Reply
  • Lilith
    Beginner October 2012
    Lilith ·
    • Flag

    I had a feeling that would be the case Smiley smile. It's just one of those things...ya gotta ask!

    • Reply
  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
    • Flag

    Very taboo. It is okay the other way around...to invite a small group to the wedding and then the entire group to the reception, but not the other way around..

    • Reply
  • Deirdre
    VIP November 2010
    Deirdre ·
    • Flag

    I don't even think it's ok the other way around. Tiering close and not so close friends/family is rude. Why invite them to celebrate the wedding when u don't want them at the actual wedding? Either way is so snobby.

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  • Chanta
    Dedicated December 2010
    Chanta ·
    • Flag

    No that's not a good look....your guest are going to feel some type of way about that....They are going to think that they weren't good enough to celebrate with you and your FH and the rest of your fam and friends....try your very best to accomodate everyone...its hard but you definitely don't want to make people feel bad...Congrats on your big day!

    • Reply
  • Nicci
    Master July 2010
    Nicci ·
    • Flag

    Def agree with everyone. That's tacky in my opinion.

    • Reply
  • DDDRosie
    Super May 2011
    DDDRosie ·
    • Flag

    Just do a punch and cake reception. Etiquette stipulates that you make your list fist and then choose what you can afford to feed them, not pick what you want to feed them and then choose who you are willing to feed.

    If your date is correct you still have two years to save up to go for a buffet if you really want it to be a full meal reception. And if you have a morning or early afternoon wedding people won't expect a large meal which saves you money too.

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  • z&k
    Expert May 2011
    z&k ·
    • Flag

    We are doing it the other way around.Are only inviting 60 to our ceremony,but are having 140 at our reception.This is due to toooooo much security at FHs Air Force Base~which is a good thing.Check lists,car searches,etc.

    I guess ours is an exception....so,before you use the word 'snobby & tacky',let's remember all the men/women who defend your right to use those words (o:

    • Reply
  • Rosie
    Master June 2011
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with what the other ladies have already said. As a guest, I would be really insulted and hurt.

    • Reply
  • FMS, the barefoot wife!
    Master August 2010
    FMS, the barefoot wife! ·
    • Flag

    I definitely depends on if it's the norm where you live. Where I live (and got married) Couple's send out these invites all the time, and no one gets offended. However, when we did do this, we didn't invite them to the ceremony, just to join us at 8 PM for dancing and festivities, and quite a few of them showed up and had a good time, others had plans and didn't make it. These were all people that we are friends with, but aren't super close with.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master August 2011
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I think it is rude and tacky to invite them to the ceremony, but not the reception. I also thinks it's a bit rude to invite them to a reception, and not the ceremony- without reasoning. A private event, or like z&k- security, is one thing.

    If you are willing ot not have them at the reception, skip having them at the ceremony. Scale back to the food to stretch the budget more- like cake and punch or finger foods.

    • Reply
  • Starsteph84
    Super November 2010
    Starsteph84 ·
    • Flag

    It may be tacky, But thats what I am doing!

    I am inviting my family and friends (150 people) to the wedding and the reception. My FH proposed at church so all of those folks have been asking about the wedding. I don't even know some of these folks names! That being said, they will be invited to the ceremony, not the reception, which is in a different location. Same goes for my co-workers, they all know they I am getting married and want to come. I told them the ceremony is open but I cannot afford to invite them all to the reception. I dont think thats rude simply because I don't hang or speak to my coworkers outside of work. They expressed interest in coming, and yes they can, to the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Deirdre
    VIP November 2010
    Deirdre ·
    • Flag

    Z&k If u really feel u are the exception than I don't see why u are offended by my opinion. I have plenty of family in the service and have a great respect for all of the men and women who defend our country. Ur last comment made no sense. I was obviously not targeting the military.

    • Reply
  • MRSDarlin' Now!
    Master September 2010
    MRSDarlin' Now! ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, i have 118 attending the ceremony and 109 attending reception. WHY? Because DH's side insists on driving over an hour to the ceremony which only lasts for 30 minutes WITH all their kids..but kids aren't invited to the reception.. oy, what a pain.. i feel like it's going to cause extra drama, and so..my advise to you...don't do it! Don't invite anyone you can't feed.. there will be all sorts of assumptions made that you never intended, and on top of that, ppl will inevitably find out they weren't invited to the reception and get upset/offended, etc. Don't do it! Save yourself Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • November2010Bride
    Expert November 2010
    November2010Bride ·
    • Flag

    It's a big No No! Dont invite at all if you dont have room for them in the reception...

    • Reply
  • Patricia
    VIP June 2011
    Patricia ·
    • Flag

    I would never invite people to the ceremony but not reception, as a guest I'd be offended/feelings hurt. If you want everyone there, scale back your reception- have appetizers/finger foods and only wine, or a wedding brunch. Just be sure to note this on your invitations as "light fare to follow" so your guests don't arrive expecting a full meal.

    • Reply
  • z&k
    Expert May 2011
    z&k ·
    • Flag

    Deirdre H~just meant you shouldn't use snobby,unless you know everyone's EXACT situation....buuuut,that's your freedom to use the word! (o: Your comment made no sense...I never said you were targeting the military....P-E-A-C-E ^_____^

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