Invite Out of State Relatives to Bridal Shower?

For me i based it on the commute since New England states are all pretty close together. So I invited all my family in friends that were within a 3 - 4 hour drive from the location...anyone outside of that I did not include on my list.

I didn't invite any out-of -state relatives (well technically I did since we live right on the state line), my sister actually lives about 5 hours away, but she's co-hosting the shower for me. I would probably invite your sister if you feel like her feelings would be hurt, but otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.

I invited them, but after I knew the invites had gone out I sent a quick text/email/fb message to those few and just said that they would be getting a shower invite soon and of course I knew they wouldn't make it, please don't send a gift, but I love them and knew they would be there if they could. My out of state family sometimes doesn't feel included in stuff though so I just wanted to make the extra effort.

I would invite them. They can decide if they wanna come or not. Are you close with them?

We did. But I've always received invites to showers for out of town friends (baby and bridal). Most of the time I couldn't attend but sent a gift (one time I actually was able to fly in and surprise one of them. It was great). So I said screw it, if I bought all these girls a gift for their showers that I wasn't local for then they could do the same.

Invite them if it makes you uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with extending the invitation, even though you know they may be unable to attend. Who knows? Maybe one or two of your relatives are itching to get out for a weekend. Its more about including them in what is going on with you and your upcoming marriage - not about whether they can come or not. If inviting them is not an option, at least find a way to let them know that you are having a shower so they can celebrate with you!

I'm not close with any of them. I speak to some of them on a monthly basis maybe. But some of them are relatives that I have maybe spoken once to my entire life but, you know, my mom said HAD to be invited to the wedding even though they will decline to attend. Obviously I wouldn't invite them. My oldest sister may come, but I doubt it. I know my cousin and aunt have difficulties paying their monthly bills so flying out would be too much for them. Another is my cousin's new wife which I don't really speak with. I don't expect her to come. I just feel guilty inviting people who are far away. Even if you have the money, spending $600+ on flights, probably at least a half day off work, trying to find someone to stay with that you can also borrow their car or they can drive you around... it just seems like a ginormous waste. My oldest sister already told me she won't be coming out for the shower. She only has so much vacation time and it's very expensive. The past few years they have flown back here several times for weddings of friends.

I deferred to my mom on this one. She made the choice to invite her out of town sister and my out of town cousins--we're close enough to have invited them if they were in town, but they all know that I wouldn't be offended if they didn't come. Most of my bridesmaids are out of town as well and I told them not to bother coming, even though my mom ended up inviting them. I would feel awful if they spent all that money to travel both for the shower and the wedding.

So it doesn't hurt to invite them if you would if they lived closer, but don't feel pressured to. I would at least invite your sister.

It depends on the relationship. If it is somebody really close that would actually show up or would want the invitation as a keepsake then send it but otherwise I think it looks like your just asking them to send you gifts.

I am sorta in the same boat. I am from ga and am having my shower in nh. So my immediate family won't be coming, they can barely make it to the wedding without complaining about costs of everything. But FSIL wanted to know if we should send them and invite as to make them feel included. I kinda think it would be a harsh reminder that they can't come. :/

I am, but I don't expect any of them to come. I guess I am doing it out of courtesy because a lot of my family is from out of town.

Based on what you've shared, I would suggest not inviting these out of town guests. It sounds like it will be interpreted as a request for gifts. I'm generally not a fan of sending invitations to people for things you know they aren't likely to attend.

Yes, but only close family members and I had talked to them about it beforehand. My grandma would have lost her shit if I didn't invite her to the shower.

I would invite out of state family members that are under 3 hours drive, immediate family, or bridesmaids.

I did not include anyone outside of driving distance on my shower guest list. But, I am not close with any of my OOT relatives, I didn't grow up with them or anything, I mostly just see them at holidays. So for me it was an easy decision. If you are close with them or keep in touch with them on a regular basis, I don't think its hurts anything to send the invite and let them know you're thinking of them.

Leaving your sister off? I think that's a bit much. My family is all over, but we all try to get together at least every other year. My aunts told me even if they can't come they would want to get invited. So, I invited my aunts. Also, I invited FH aunts (even though I haven't met a couple) if nothing else to let them know they were included. We told a couple of them that when we have talked to them that there is no obligation just wanted them to know we were thinking of them. Sending invites out could come off as gift grabby, but come on, the whole shower is for gifts typically, so even the people close that are invited, IMO, is still gift grabby, but we are all just following tradition, we didn't make it up :p

Agreed, Jillian. In my family, bridal showers are not just for gifts. They are primarily a day for both sides of the family to meet before the big day. But because FH's family all live out of state, we are having two showers so that almost everyone can be included. I feel guilty getting gifts, especially opening them in front of others. But as you said, it's tradition to have a shower!

The reason why I am not sending a shower invite to my oldest sister was because she told me she would not be able to take time off work to come to my shower AND my wedding, and would not be able to take on that expense of traveling so much. And I would never let anyone spend over $600 just to bring me a $40 gift and spend 3 hours with me. I would hate for them to waste their money.