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Lauryn
Savvy April 2014

Invite help!

Lauryn, on November 2, 2019 at 10:06 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17
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Long story short, I’m an elementary teacher for a small program, there’s only 10 teachers and 4 assistants and admins. I started in January 2018 for one semester under the first director. My fiancé wanted to finish his undergrad in another state. So I left my job to support him and the first director also moved to another state. It didn’t work out, and we moved back to our home state of Colorado 10 months later. And miraculously there was a teaching position open, so I came home to my teacher family.

Heres the pickle: the first director created a culture where 14 women worked together everyday and we all got along beautifully. It was a very special place to belong to. No cliques, no gossip, seemingly unbelievable. The first director was a true leader and listened to us and supported us. So when I came back to the school for a second time there was a new director. The original teachers still get along fabulously. There’s one new hire that doesn’t fit in because his heart is not in teaching and is lazy to the point where he often doesn’t do his job. So, I want to invite the original teachers that are still at the school, but I don’t want to invite the new director. I don’t have a relationship with her and she is very unprofessional. She has her two favorite teachers, takes everything personal, is always late to school and meetings, makes impulse and inconsistent decisions based on emotions, and has even given teachers the cold shoulder and walked away mid conversation. She’s not a bad person inherently, she’s just in way over her head. I’m absolutely inviting the old director, but if I don’t invite her I’m afraid she’ll make me miserable at school...

I don’t want to invite the new director and the new hire, so is it okay for me to only invite 12 out of 14 people? It feels wrong because if the old director never left, this wouldn’t be an issue.

What do I do?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Lauryn, on November 6, 2019 at 8:18 PM
  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    This is definitely a tough one. I would say don’t invite her, or the other teacher, because it sounds like the director is crazy enough that she’ll find some way to go crazy on you anyway. And you don’t wanna invite the other 12 ladies, and then the director and this guy, and have that ruin the vibe and the experience for them.
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  • Lauryn
    Savvy April 2014
    Lauryn ·
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    But I hang out with most of the teachers outside of school. My wedding wouldn’t be the same without them. But it would be better off without the director.
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  • Sophie
    Devoted June 2022
    Sophie ·
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    I think Alejandra is saying that you SHOULD invite the 12, just not the new director and the lazy teacher. I agree - your wedding should be filled with people you love, and the other 2 will get over it! Smiley smile

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I’m taking it as the director is like your boss. It’s generally accepted that the boss doesn’t get invited to their employers events anyway, so I don’t see an issue there. As far as the other teacher, I wouldn’t invite her. However, if it going to cause a ruckus at work by singling her out, you may want to anyway and hope she declines. If anything, you can invite the old teachers that you like and say you only invited friends/coworkers you have known for a long time.
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  • A
    Dedicated October 2022
    Allison ·
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    I'm inviting a couple coworkers and not my boss. You in no way need to invite your boss to your wedding. I just wouldnt talk about it with her or throw it in her face. Chances are she will hardly notice especially with how overwhelmed she is.
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    I had to draw a line in the sand with co-workers that I actually did NOT want to invite.

    It just happened that we were laid off, so that made it easier. I only invited those that I wanted to continue a relationship with. The others were not helpful /supportive.
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    However, I would say to keep the Wedding talk to a minimum so that the others do NOT find out when and where. You don’t want any surprise guests. Sometimes, people think that they’re invited, their invitation just didn’t get to them.
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    Congratulations and 🍀‼️
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  • Catherine
    Dedicated November 2019
    Catherine ·
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    This new director is technically your boss, right? If that’s the case then.. I’d be weary of not having this person. If this person was just a colleague I think you’d be okay but .. Oye that’s tricky. I don’t think you need to invite the lazy new hire but someone who is technically your boss... maybe that invite gets sent a tad bit late and no save the date Smiley winking
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  • Natalie
    Devoted January 2022
    Natalie ·
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    Wow this is a tricky one. I get the point everyone is making but it’s a little different when you’re talking about 90% of the school going...only two people excluded. It’s basically making it officially known you don’t like them as much as the others. When one of those people is your boss...idk, I feel this might be a time to be discreet and invite out politeness.

    aybe sit those two in a separate table from the others and aside from polite acknowledgement, otherwise ignore them and go about your day.
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  • Jodie
    Expert August 2020
    Jodie ·
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    I'm not inviting my boss. I'm inviting a handful of select co workers only. If I do not have a relationship with these people outside of work they are not coming to one of the most important events in my life. Only one person has mentioned hearing they weren't on the guest list. I just politely explained that I am not inviting acquaintances due to space constrictions and left it at that.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Usually I’m team don’t invite anyone you don’t want there. In this situation though I’d be concerned about potential issues that may arise at work from not inviting this boss and the one co-worker. If you’re ok with accepting what consequences might come from that, stick to the plan and only invite the 12. Just be prepared that there could end up being major ramifications from that.
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  • India
    Dedicated December 2019
    India ·
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    Then don’t invite her. It’s your wedding day and you want to enjoy it. You are in charge of the guest list. It’ll be tough but you want to have people at your wedding that will help celebrate you!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    This is a personal occasion, not work. Traditionally, people only invite coworkers whom they know very well, AND have a personal relationship with outside of work and work functions. It is pretty clear you have not developed a personal friendship with these 2 people, and do not have or ever want a social relationship with them. So don't invite them. And they have no reason to expect an invitation. If other people, or these 2 non friends ask, be civil but clear. All of the people we are inviting are people we already have a personal friendship with, whom we socialize with outside work. And say nothing more. There is nothing to discuss or argue, so don't. Since you are doing the most common, accepted thing, don't feel you have to justify anything, just be polite enough not to bring up the personality issues of why you never expect to be friends with them.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I think as long as you're discrete, it's totally fine to only invite the select few you want!

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  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    Invite the 12 and the old director! Just let them not to not ask about or talk about the wedding at school. The two you don't want to invite would probably just assume that no one from work got invited. You are not obligated to invite people you don't like to your wedding even if you work with them!

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  • Lauryn
    Savvy April 2014
    Lauryn ·
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    So I've made a decision. Out of 17 total people at school (some former teachers that no longer work with us) I'm only going to invite 5 of the teachers and the old director. I narrowed it down to the people that I have the best and most consistent relationships with. But I also plan on letting these 6 people know that they are the only ones invited and to maybe keep things on the DL at school. None of the teachers that I'm inviting are fans of the new director, and they will totally understand not talking about the wedding around the new director. But I know this has a high potential to blow up around the time of the wedding, especially since the current director knows that I am engaged. I'm also sure that when the current director finds out that the former director is invited and not her, I know she's going to take that personally. And I'm just going to have to stand my ground. My fiancé tells reminds me, "Those who matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter".

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