Interracial Wedding Advice

And yes it is not just the "south" I am from Nor Cal (Folsom, California which is all white town) They stare when a african american is in the resturant :-/.

I like you are marrying the most amazing black man after 11 years of long overdue I have family who dont approve, and the way I see it is if you want to invite them to show them that you do want them apart of your big day then thats fine. But be prepared for rejection. You nor I have done anything wrong and its sad to see our family hate someone just because he looks different and dont get a chance to get to know him. My parents were once against it untill I had 3 daughters they have finally accepted him and our children but it took a long time. You cant let how they feel change the way you do. And you just have to have pity on them. I chose not to include those people in my wedding and leave the seats for people who were excited and happy for us. I want to be surrounded by happiness and love on my wedding day not people who only care about the way they feel and have no respect on the way I do

I agree with everyone who says not to invite them. My first marriage fail apart because of my ex in-laws first having an issue with me being from the "back hills" of West Virginia and then when they found out my son was mixed it got worse. For the first 4 years my ex and I had a decent marriage then his family started to no invite my son to family functions beginning with Easter so needless to say we ended a year later when things didn't change and his opinions started to be like theirs. My son's well being was more important than my marriage. Sorry to have hijacked the thread.

I totally agree with everyone who said not to even waste your cardstock on them.

Anyone who doesn't agree with or support your marriage doesn't deserve to know about your wedding, much less get the opportunity to RSVP the darn thing. Use those invotes on someone who actually WANTS to be their and will make your day special, not miserable.

Good luck with this. People are going to be people and racism will never die. Some people can't get beyond color. Poor them!

I want to say sorry that you're going through this and that I hope they come around... But I have family on my mother's side who still don't acknowledge or speak to me. It's only been 30 years since my mother brought my father home to meet her family! Anyway, if I were in your shoes, I would invite them without any expectation or hope that they might come around. At least then I would know that I did my part and any ill feelings between us could never be blamed on me.

I have dated every color under the sun! LOL. Luckily I have family who don't care. HOWEVER, if my family DID care, I would have told them too effin bad, then don't come. Do you, sweetheart! This is YOUR and your FS's day!

"do yall have any suggestions for making this wedding go more smooth with the combination of both families?? Ways to help them interact and feel more comfortable??" This is actually a concern for most couples, even if they are the same race, same ethnicity. I always tell the ushers NOT to ask bride's side or groom's side for the ceremony..just give them the best seats available. There is always more on one side than the other, so this way it gets balanced. As for the reception, if you're having assigned tables, don't mix different sides of the families at the same table..that never works, no matter who or what. BUT, as Abryanna said, definitely don't divide the room into his side and her side...it would be visually obvious! Other than these two suggestions, you don't need to "plan" anything..you can't force guests to mingle, no matter what the situation. Sometimes you can't even get cousins to mingle! Those that want to socialize will, those that don't won't.

So I didnt read any of it up here BUT my dad isnt coming to my wedding due to my fiance being a different religion. so I know how hard it is to have a person you love not accept another person you love.

If you care to keep your aunt in your life, invite her but sit down & explain you know it is not her wishes but it has already happened...we have known eachother for .... and for me, this is the person kinda talk with a vibe that says the decision is final whether you agree or not. Then tell her, 'you have been in my life all my life, i love you bla bla and if you come, i think it should be for the love and relationship you have for me and our family. If you dont, I will understand but I wish you would understand also that you dont really choose who you fall in love with' Let her drown in guilt feeling all the good will you have for her and which she is failing to reciprocate!

If you dont care about your aunt, dont invite her, just cut her loose...the headache is gone!

Good Lux.

Because of your situation its got to expected that everyone will not agree with your decision. You should live your life and let them live theirs. Just be be mindful that that no matter where you are you'll have to deal with topic over and over with family, friends and strangers.

IMHO.... If you have an issue with my marriage... I don't want you at my wedding. Enough Said!

People need to realize it's the year 2010! People are people! We have a black president! WTF is wrong this world??????????

I agree with alot of these posts. Don't send them an invite. Let it be there problem they missed out, not yours. Your wedding day is supposed to be a happy and joyus time. You shouldn't have to worry about who feels uncomfrtable b/c of who you decided to marry. If folk would focus on WHY you chose someone and all of the lovely qualities the world just might be a better place.

I'd probably send them a heartfelt handwritten note, expressing your sorrow that they can't be happy that you have found the most amazing man who treats you like a queen just because they are to shortsighted to see beyond his outward appearance.

Tell them about his good qualities, when he was truly there for you, and how you can't wait to spend your life with him. It is their choice to nto see past it, but you truly hope they aren't teaching their daughters that someone is less of a person because of their skin color.

It's unfortunate that people are still this narrow-minded. The only reason I'd say to invite your cousins and try to keep up a cordial relationship with them is to be a positive influence on the kids and to try to counteract some of the negativity I'm sure they're hearing from their parents.

Why do they have a problem with him? Ask your aunt what herreal issue is with your FS. I know a lot of steroetypes about a lot of different people. Perhaps she's basing her dislike of him on a sterotype. Explain to your aunt that he's not any of those things. Color is just a pigment. I've seen autopsies done on a white man and a black girl and the insides really do look the same in color. I just really don't understand bigotry of any kind (race, religion, or gender) If she still has an issue about something as silly as color, just write her off. If she's important enough to you, fight for it, and if she's not, don't worry about it and invite someone else that will support your marriage.

I say don't invite them! I understand your reasons for wanting to send the invite anyway but I think it sends a louder message to not include them.

Girl some people will never change! Some people will never understand that it is NOT up to them to judge on what is right and wrong. The universe didn't appoint certain people that are allowed to put down others because they think what they think is right! Marry that man of yours that you love and send your silly aunt and cousins an invite anyway because you are a bigger person and just rub it off...That is something that you will have to deal with for a while in this lifetime but keep pushing...and be happy. That is what life is about just finding happiness. Even though I am not marrying someone outside my race I dated every race under the sun and being a black woman my family almost had a heart attack when I dated a Vietnamese guy for a few...my grandmother almost hit the floor when I told her he was Buddhist!!! Live your life :-)

Wow thanks for all the advice!

My whole thing is, I feel like if i dont send them an invite I am allowing or acknowledging their ignorance. They have never met Travis because I only see this cousin and his family once a year...thats why I was so surprised...If I send an invite, at least I am doing my part and they could never say I did not invite them....

My aunt and uncle are furious with them for doing this and rightfully so...I honestly dont think I will ever speak to them again regardless of the outcome...I just hope that people like them will one day realize what they have done...such hypocrites!! I hate it for their children too!! I am from a fairly wealthy family and a part of me thinks its social reasons...which makes me even more mad...like if people saw pics of their kids in an interracial wedding they would be stoned..anyway I just wanted yall to know that I appreciate all the feedback!!

Girl, when you are married, it is you and him, not anyone else! I am white and not only is my husband black, he is Bahamian. So we have different races and cultures, double whammy! But we have been married for 3 wonderful years and I wouldn't change it for the world. It makes for a more interesting dynamic relationship that people will never get to experience. Invite who you want, who you think will support your relationship. Because in the end, whoever attends you wedding are the people who are saying that they support your marriage and will be there when the time gets tough. But congratulations, don't let anyone ruin your big day!!!

I would send them the invite just to show them that I am the bigger person. I was always taught to never stoop to another person's level, because if you do, you're just as bad as they are. In the end, if they don't show up, it's on their conscious - not yours. You can always say that you extended the olive branch and took the step towards making peace.

It's ashame that in this day and age people are still as ignorant as they were back in the days of segregation. My bff is white and has always dated black men. Her grandmother was from GA and had an issue with her preference. The sad thing is, my bff got married this past June and her grandmother wasn't alive to witness it. It's a horrible thing to allow ignorance to take precedence over the love you have for your family. God bless you and your FH.