Incorporating future step children

When my couples choose to make vows to each other's children, the children are not making vows back to them. This is a good time to present them with tokens of family unity (usually a pendant).

The unity sand usually works for children who are shy or young -- they are doing something and focusing on that.

Be careful about asking your child to 'give you away' -- one little boy (5 or 6) was in tears because he thought he wouldn't have a mom anymore.

If the kids will be fidgety standing through the ceremony, let them sit in the front row (where they can see everything).

@Karen- they already know they are part of their other families. FH (EDIT) son's Mom is remarried and has a baby with her wife. They will be at our wedding actually. FH daughters mom has a SO and they just had a baby. I don't think that's an issue at all.

@Nancy- thank you! I think we will go ahead and let them sit in front and then bring them up when it's sand ceremony time. They'll just be standing at a table with us pouring the sand so I don't think it'll feel like they are too on display.

FH & I went to Vegas last year for our anniversary and found a shop that you can buy oysters from and then put the pearl in different settings. FH picked one out for me and the pearl is now in a ring setting. We are going back in August and this time I will be picking out two oysters, one for each step-daughter and plan on turning the pearls into necklaces (so that we have something that unites me to them besides the marriage) I plan on giving them at the ceremony while making promises to the two of them. We're also planning on them giving their daddy away for the wedding (something they want to do) but as of now, we plan on them just sitting with our parents.

We are having them be our only bridal party. His son will be his best man and my two girls will be my maids of honor. Ages 8,9,11. We will also be giving them small gifts as well.

Can I be honest here? My step mom tried to do this with me and I hated it. I told her it wasn't happening. I didn't know her like that so it made me uncomfortable. If you are close to them, go for it. That's sweet. But if they're not that close to you, I'd maybe not do it just because of my experience. I was 12 when they were married.

@Future Mrs. Barton- I am extremely close to them. FH daughter wants to go with me everywhere. I feed her, bath her, shop for her, tuck her in at night. When she has a bad dream she always calls for me. Never FH. She is a Momma's girl that's for sure. Whether it be me or her Mom. She wants Mom.

FH son and I have a little bit of a different relationship because he's 13 but we are close as well. He's always excited to tell me about zoo camp and whatever other activities he's involved with. We took surf lessons together in hawaii last June. We wrestle around and I spoil him a little bit. Haha!

It would not be uncomfortable for them. I am sorry you didn't have that kind of bond with your step Mom. How is the relationship now? I was so lucky to have an amazing step Mom who I called Mom until I was 13 (divorce) and an amazing step Dad who I was closer to than his own kids. He passed away a year and a half ago. I just always considered myself lucky to not only have my parents to love and to love me but these amazing people that treated me as one of their own.

We are also doing a sand ceremony with my kids. We found ours at Michaels. They are also in the wedding.

@Erin Wood - can I ask what you ended up doing? I'm trying to figure out what to do for my future step son. He will be 7 when we get married next May

My stepmom did not want to even include stepkids (me and my twin sister) in her wedding. We are always so nice and kind to her, but she seems to talk about us we we are not around. She told us we weren’t going to be in the wedding, so my twin sister and I asked can we be involved in the wedding. She told us to be ushers for the doors, which I think is horrible for some nice kids who are going to be included in her new family. Our dad became mad if we even asked to be in the wedding. The wedding came by and we had to be ushers, which was an embarrassment. Many people were asking why was the grooms’ kids not in the wedding and they are twins who are his only kids.