Incorporating future step children

How old are the kids? If they're really young, would they understand what's going on with the sand ceremony, or why it's important to you? Maybe you could write each of them a letter to commemorate the day you all became family; this would give them something to look at and read in years to come.

If the kids are older (maybe 10 plus), you could ask their thoughts on it. And maybe still do the letter.

Daughter is 7 and son will be 14. They are definitely not babies.

I don't think they care either way. Maybe in their minds I'm already their step mom. I don't want to draw too much attention to them because FH daughter can be shy.

My mom and step-dad got married when I was 15, my brother was 14, my step-sister was 14, and my step-brother was 17. We were the only members of the bridal party and I thought it was really special and I didn't feel like I needed anything else. It might be awkward for them to participate in anything other than standing up there with you, but I don't know them and am only going from my experience and how me and my step-siblings would have felt as well.

Good luck!

I think adding them to your vows would be a sweet touch; it will make them feel included without putting any pressure on them to participate in the ceremony beyond being in the bridal party.

My mom and dad remarried within 6 months of each other when I was 12 and my brother was 9. For my dad's wedding, I was the MOH and my brother was the BM. For my mom's wedding, I was MOH, my brother gave her away, and my stepbrother (also 9 at the time) was the BM.

I don't remember them saying any vows or anything specific to do with us, but I was happy to be in the wedding party. I think you need to ask them if they want to participate in something like the sand ceremony. They may be uncomfortable with that kind of attention.

The words can be shy should say enough. Keep it simple. My step son loves attention so adding him to the vows was easy and he even asked if he was included. If he was shy I wouldn't have even considered it. As much as I love my step son remember the day is about you and your fh. It's kinda obvious that your accepting the kids if you agreed to the marriage.

Etsy is the best. That frame is perfect

My 2 boys are walking me down the aisle towards FH 2 boys and my 2 will "hand me off" to FH 2 about halfway. We have talked to them and i asked, they are all ok with it. To me it is kind of like my boys are saying "go for it mommy" and FH boys are saying "welcome to the family". It means so much to me that they are willing to do this.

I disagree that the day is about me and FH. If he didn't have children that would somewhat be true. I feel like the day is about all of us coming together and joining our lives.

I will definitely talk to them about it. We are not making them stand up there through the ceremony. Mostly because I know they'll get bored and be fidgety. HaHa! They will walk down the aisle and sit in the front. If they want to do sand we'll bring them up just for that if they are up for it. If not I'll just add a little something into my vows but not bring them up or say them to the kids. Just maybe vow to love them as I vow to love FH. Aww! I'm getting all misty.

I love the idea... I have kids and so does my fiance our family is already one. At the wedding I have a message for his kids in my vowels and my fiance has like a proposal for my kids as officially there step dad different strokes for different folks I think either way they already know you and they will love the extra attention

I always find kids involved with the vows a little creepy. There is a reason why children aren't allowed to sign contracts. They aren't emotionally or intellectually mature enough to grasp the concepts. When it comes to step-parenting, I'm a big believer in actions speak louder than words. If you want to make a lifelong vow to them, you should open a collge fund, join their school PTA, or regularly take an active role in their life. Why does everything need to be made public?

I believe vows like these should only be made when they change a legal and social dynamic, such as when a child is legally adopted.

Eh. It's a marriage between you and FH. Not you, FH, and kids. Kids will grow up and leave in the blink of an eye. I love and respect your commitment to them, but it is neither necessary nor appropriate to have them play a role in the actual wedding ceremony.

I have 2 daughters from an abusive relationship who will be junior bridesmaids. They will be honored as part of the wedding party. They'll be in photos with us and sit near us at dinner. They're loved and included in our new family. But it's not a celebration of their relationship with us. It's a celebration of our commitment to one another. Eta: in pre-cana, they taught us that our marriage comes first. The kids should not come between us, and our partnership should hold a special place entirely separate from them. The best way to parent them is to show them how marriage is supposed to look, by loving and supporting each other.

I agree that our marriage comes first. It will be true when we have our own kids as well. But I also think it's a huge deal for the kids. To pretend that they have nothing to do with this commitment is kind of crazy to me. I will be dedicating my life to them just as much as I am to FH. I don't take it lightly. I'm not trying to make a big to do or anything but I feel like not mentioning them at all makes it seem like I am not recognizing my role as a mother.

I definitely wanted to do something special with my son. He's only four, but he stood next to us and gave us our rings and held my bouquet during the ceremony. While I also think it's so sweet that you want to include them, I think that standing next to you during the ceremony is the most meaningful way to include them! I surely was satisfied with it

Have to include pics, bc...uhhhh adorable!!

@Who?- So sweet!! Mine won't be standing up there with us. Just walking the aisle and sitting down. Do you think that matters. It's not much at all.

@Jessica- I respect your opinion but I don't believe it's all about me and FH. It's also about me gaining a MIL and FIL and brothers and sisters. For me it's about all of us becoming a family. Not just me and FH. I just can't see it like that.

@CuteNickname- I definitely show the actions. I have since the day I met them. Making it official is really exciting to me though. We are finally all going to have the same last name. Anything related to court paperwork will involve me now and of course I'll be adding them into my will.

@OP, what about having them do a joint reading together? I considered having my daughter (7 too) do a reading of a short, simple poem. In addition, she is walking me down the aisle and I am undecided on whether or not I'll have her stand up there with us or sit down. I initially considered including her in our unity ceremony, I was thinking of doing sand, however FH and I decided we wanted to do a wine and words box instead.

@MsVoegs17- I love that she is walking with you. That is so awesome. They could do a reading but we already have another friend doing one and I don't want to add more. Plus I definitely think getting up there and talking would be hard for the 7 year old. She would be nervous for sure.

@Ew- I think them walking down the aisle is enough. We had the kids bring the sand and place it on the table before the ceremony started similar to the mothers lighting the candles.

I have children and my FH does not. I get it is about us but you're also becoming one family. We're doing a sand ceremony with the children pouring their sand in the vase as well.