In-laws and S.o.s in the wedding party? Aita?

What? I'm not sure why you would think your husband should be in the wedding party. That's not how it works. No-one is entitled to be in anyone's wedding party just because of marriage.

Maybe the bride has a really close relationship with her brother's girlfriend, and so she wanted her in the party.

At any rate, no-one can really decide what choices someone else can make.

I would suggest gently advising your husband to find it in his heart to let this go. Wedding party members are not tit-for-tat and also not a “whole package required” situation when it comes to couples. Now if your husband was *not even invited to the wedding* yes you would have a right to be upset. Everyone chooses various people to be in their wedding party for different reasons and they are not bound to any obligations. Like Jacks said, maybe the bride is closer with the brother’s girlfriend.


As a way to help him see the bright side, being a member of a wedding party is not always rainbows and happiness. Many people on here have documented very difficult situations of wedding party members having bad or attention-seeking behavior, and those who were in a party where the bride or groom had unrealistic and unreasonable expectations of them. As a guest he can feel free to come to the wedding wearing what he wants and also not having to run around places with the couple for getting ready, photography or videography shots, etc.

Why is your husband upset? Is it because he is truly close to your brother and just feels disappointed that your brother didn't choose him or is he upset because he married into the family and believes that entitles him to a spot in the wedding? Who your FSIL chooses has no bearing on who your brother chooses to be in the wedding.


I would really get to the bottom of why you and your husband are upset and ask if those feelings are worth causing friction with your brother over.

Tell your husband to be thankful he doesn't have to go through the rigmarole of being a wedding party member.

But really, what everyone else said. It's ok that he's a little stung, but it is not even close to rising to the level of affecting your relationship with your brother and his future wife.

Thank you all for your input. At the start, I did *not* think my husband would be in the wedding party. I didn't even think I would be. I was surprised by my husband's disappointment.

In reflecting on my own disappointment (that came up after I found out about the brother's girlfriend), I realize I *wish* my brother and my hubby were close enough that he would have been included. But we live far away, and they have very different personalities. And wishing it doesn't make it true. I'll have to move past that disappointment.

And hopefully I can help hubby find a way to let it go, too.

You and husband are overthinking this. The couple gets to choose who they want to stand up with them based on closeness of the relationship. Some couples feel obligated to ask the (sometimes future) in laws (whom they may not have any relationship with) to stand on their side to make parents happy. That is not universal because only some families practice it nor is it a breach of etiquette either way. Other couples don’t see the point in asking someone they are not close to to stand up with them in a position that is reserved for the closest innermost social circle, just to please parents or someone else who is not the couple getting married. This bride and groom chose who they are closest to to have standing on each side. It is not a snub to anyone, particularly your husband. If it bothers you that much, you can decline the position and attend as guests only. It’s actually pretty rare in real life for someone to be upset that they are not asked to be an attendant, when just as many people who have been in the role don’t see it as an honor or enjoyable after the fact and would prefer to be a guest only moving forward. But if you were to take every opinion online as fact, those same people say that if someone is not asked to be a bridesmaid/groomsman, usher, reader, officiant, the list goes on, then they are not “honored as special” because a regular guest is looked down on as “not special enough” when those people in question may be burned out by the experience.