Jocelyn
Just Said Yes February 2019

I'm married and i miss my ex-boyfriend.

Jocelyn, on May 16, 2018 at 5:20 AM Posted in Married Life 2 63
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I’m married to the love of my life. My husband is very kind and understanding. We don’t have any kids yet but life is still great with just me and my husband. However, there are times that I miss my ex-boyfriend. I had a boyfriend whom I met at an international dating blog. We lasted 4 years but had to go our separate ways when he fell in love with another woman. I had to let him go because I was so hurt. Perhaps, I never really healed from the pain I went through. Later on, I met my husband and he has always taken care of me. But what he doesn’t know is that there are very few moments when I miss my ex. Does any of you feel this way? Missing an ex even when you’re married?

63 Comments

Latest activity by Philip, on December 30, 2021 at 6:46 AM
  • Ashley B.
    Devoted August 2019
    Ashley B. ·
    • Flag
    Yikes! This is a whole bunch of no! You’re married and you most definitely should not feel this way. Are you sure your husband is the man for you? If that’s the case then another man should never ever cross your mind, especially an ex-boyfriend. Once you decided to make that commitment to your husband you should’ve let all romantic feelings go for any exes. How would you feel if you found out your husband was still thinking about and missing an ex? May I suggest maybe you go and talk to a professional about your thoughts and feelings? Maybe they can decipher why you’re feeling this way.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I split from my exH (who I share my 5 year old with) 6 months before I met my husband. When I met my husband, exH and I were still in the process of divorce and I was still accepting the end of my marriage. I was in therapy and I was very open about all of it with H. I didn’t expect to fall in love with H- I honestly thought he would just be a fun date for a couple of months or a one night stand. About a month and a half into dating him, I no longer had any remorse for the end of my first marriage and I had zero feelings left to give exH. I fully, 100% fell in love with H and never looked back. If you feel this way, I would suggest counseling. It isn’t going to get better unless you deal with it.
    • Reply
  • F
    Devoted May 2019
    Feneesa ·
    • Flag
    Definitely shouldn’t feel this way when married. It leads to feelings of “what if”. Marriage is a partnership and should be based on love and respect. When u say ur fH “takes care of you”. It sounds as if ur rationalizing the relationship. I definitely think u need counseling or to break up with fH. If you aren’t fully committed or in love with him, it’s fair to him to let him go. I would be devastated to find out my fH “misses” an ex.
    • Reply
  • Ashley B.
    Devoted August 2019
    Ashley B. ·
    • Flag
    Wait. I just checked and it said on your profile that you’re not getting married till Feb 2019? Is that accurate or did you already get married?
    • Reply
  • Future Mrs.Scott
    Devoted June 2018
    Future Mrs.Scott ·
    • Flag
    I don't think you received the closure you wanted. I would talk to a counselor about it, before it leads to a slippery slope.


    • Reply
  • K
    Dedicated June 2018
    Kelli ·
    • Flag
    I think this might be more about finding closure than actual feelings for your ex.
    • Reply
  • Sally
    Expert June 2018
    Sally ·
    • Flag

    Oh wow no you should not still be missing your ex at this point. You should be 100% giving yourself mind body and soul to the one you are marrying and if you're still missing and thinking about someone from your past then you aren't. My first marriage my ex husband told me after we were married that he still had feelings for one of his ex girlfriends and he wasn't over her dumping him. I never got past that and I was also hurt that he married me when he really wasn't ready obviously.

    • Reply
  • Priscilla
    Devoted August 2018
    Priscilla ·
    • Flag
    Do you actually miss your ex as a person or just the qualities he had or things you did together?
    • Reply
  • Kelsey Brielle
    Super June 2022
    Kelsey Brielle ·
    • Flag
    Someone once told me that when you break up with someone "it's not necessarily the person you miss, it's the routine you had with them that you miss" regardless OP these feelings should have been addressed BEFORE you married your husband. It's not fair to him. Counseling should be seeked immediately before your thoughts turn into actions. How would you feel if someone you loved so much, was thinking about their ex. Wouldn't you be hurt? This needs to be addressed and dealt with ASAP.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.McFly
    Dedicated June 2018
    Mrs.McFly ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree. You should have made him known before getting married. It's not fair to him to not have all of you.
    • Reply
  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag
    It sounds to me like a grass is greener situation and probably idealizing. I am going to say it’s OK to miss people but any residual feelings should be dealt with if it’s a situation where you aren’t committed to your husband. I suggest therapy too...and possibly couples therapy before things go wrong.
    • Reply
  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    When you say you miss him do you mean you just miss the times you had or like I miss him and want him back miss him. If you spent 4 years of your life with the man then I can see having a moment where you just miss the person that used to be there with you. That's human nature. Now if you are at the level of missing him that you want to reach out and contact him then that's too far. Let the past go and keep moving forward.

    • Reply
  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
    • Flag
    Being married doesn't mean that all previous relationships are suddenly faded memories. Marriage isn't about finding the one true love/partner/whatever. Marriage is about a commitment that is pretty much renewed every day.

    For years after I was married I had reoccurring dreams (sometimes more than once a week) about the guy I dated before meeting my husband. My relationship with the boyfriend was intense, romantic, and had a recklessness about it. The dreams caused me to think about him on the regular, and I missed the passion. I eventually looked him up online (early years of internet so not easy!), called him and realized that what we had wasn't what I wanted or needed anymore. I still have the occasional dream but am able to push them aside. I'm not suggesting you do exactly like I did, but I would suggest talking with a counselor about it. Don't let unresolved feelings get in the way of being able to make the commitment to your marriage every day.

    This trip down memory lane has me thinking about my "best kisser" memory, a guy from the corn fields of the Midwest (I'm a Northeast city girl!). He was tall, had a mullet, a big nose, always wore a baseball cap, but he could kiss! And the sensitive college football star who really knew how to romance someone but never pressured anyone. I guess my point is I have a lot of good memories (and some not so good) about the guys I dated before my husband. I will be honest that more than 20 years later I do miss some of their characteristics, but I made the commitment to my husband and through good times and some really terrible times, I renew that commitment on a daily basis
    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes April 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    I would talk to someone about what your feeling get everything off your chest.
    • Reply
  • Paquita
    VIP July 2017
    Paquita ·
    • Flag
    Perhaps you didnt have proper closure with your ex!
    Id seek couseling to get these feeling resolved before it disrupts your marriage
    • Reply
  • S
    Savvy April 2020
    stacey ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Same story here too. Now it’s 5 years with the
    boyfriend and we are finally ready to get married. My ex is already married, not even a year after our divorce. We were together at 15 and divorced after 13 years of marriage. We also share 3 children. It’s been a crazy ride.
    • Reply
  • AbouttobeaBANKS
    Devoted July 2018
    AbouttobeaBANKS ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Loved this
    • Reply
  • A
    Devoted May 2018
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    I’d seek counseling. i’m a huge fan of spending time by yourself to get to know yourself again after a relationship etc. but not everyone is & it is difficult. i just know in my heart i couldn’t marry someone if i was not fully over my ex & maybe you are just miss the routine or certain aspects like a pp said- but either way i’d seek counseling to at least work through it, especially if you do love your husband.
    • Reply
  • MsMay
    Devoted May 2018
    MsMay ·
    • Flag
    Did you have a long distance relationship for the four years? If that’s the case I believe you are focusing on the what if’s. It’s so incredibly different to be living life with someone vs talking romantically with someone on the phone and occasional visits . The grass isn’t greener .
    • Reply
  • Kristina
    Master August 2018
    Kristina ·
    • Flag

    Okay, I agree with others to a point, but having unresolved feelings doesn't mean you're going to go and cheat on your husband. Is this a new thing that's developed after you've gotten married, or was it present before you tied the knot as well?

    My mom was engaged to someone else before she met my dad. He ended up breaking up with her because he was deployed and met someone else, but she still has the letters he sent to her and I've read them. They loved each other very much, and my mom will still bring him up occasionally. But she's been married to my father for 30 years now. They just celebrated their 30th anniversary in Hawaii, where they got married originally. She's even talked to her ex recently. He's also married and has a few kids of his own.

    Of course she missed him sometimes, especially when she was younger. Now, she's moved on, mostly the stories she tells just come up in random conversations.

    Marriage doesn't suddenly erase all past relationships and the feelings you held in them. If you truly love someone, the love for them never really goes away. Not saying you're IN love with them anymore, but there will always be a part of you that cares for that person, and just because you're married, it doesn't magically make that go away.

    HOWEVER- I think you should make an appointment with a counselor and talk through this. I think the longer you do that and the more you do with your husband, the less you'll miss your ex. It does have the potential to lead to a "what if" scenario where you're left wondering, and even if you never act on that, it could lead to a lot of suppressed emotions and issues between you and husband.

    Your feelings aren't WRONG, but don't let it fester!

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