I’m demoting my moh

View Quoted Comment I guess people think of maid of honor in different ways.

This happened with my best friend of 20+ years but the table was turned. I was her MOH. As soon as she got engaged something snapped. She was constantly not picking and felt like we were constantly fighting. I tried to be supportive and offer assistance. Sadly I was working two jobs and life was crazy. Eventually it got so bad and she asked me to step down. I didn't even go to the wedding. That was in 2016. There was lots of hurt feelings on both end and it was a struggle to move forward. Within the past year we are working on rekindling our relationship. I think it will never be the same and I look at her in a different light and dont think we will ever be as close as we used to be. I'm not trying to point fingers and obviously dont know you but I would recommend you take a moment to reach out and ask to sit down and have a long heartfelt discussion. Just to get these issues out and see if there is some underlying stuff going on. Best of luck and hope you can get this resolved

View Quoted Comment

I guess so. I think it's important to know your worth to your friends. The person standing next to you should be someone who shows you your worth in my opinion, whether or not they're planning things for you, they should at least show that they care. Having the title of maid of honor is, after all, an honor. How do you think of it?

Do you think your moh is jealous ? Misery loves company

My MOH is not a planner by any means, but never in a million years would I have demoted her. I'm sorry you feel that she's being flaky, but I can't imagine your friendship will last after this. I also don't understand what she needs to be planning 6 months out.. that's not really her job.

I had a best friend once who finally was getting married. The 2 of us were together all of the time. Then I got a different job and started school. Despite how happy I was for her and that I went to several of her venue tours etc. she chose someone else to be her MOH because she felt with my school/work schedule I wouldn't be around to help her much. It hurt, but whatever I kept going on with helping when I could and even put the bachelorette night on my credit card where her and her friends were destructive and got us kicked out of the hotel. She told me that I needed to calm down and stop being so uptight when I was mad. We haven't talked except the random grocery store sightings since. it has been 14 years. I say this as the friend tread lightly. See why she has been flaking and i agree if all you do is talk about the wedding and your expectations of her she will pull away.

View Quoted Comment The person that I care about the most. The closest the will never ever have to show me their worth.

I had the similar experience. My ex MOH. Was very verbal in what she felt was right and wrong in the whole wedding planning. She tried to turn bridesmaides against each other and I finally caught wind of it 2 months later. She completely turned a bridesmaide against me and later she didnt want to be part of the drama bridal party due to one person. I demoted my MOH 4 days later to bridesmaides & promoted bridesmaid to my MOH. Best decision I made. Unfortunately I lost a good friend to drama but you as a bride can only do some much due to not being in the loop half the time.

I hope this helps!

It agree with you. If she's not returning your calls or texts now what's it going to be like 6 weeks from the wedding? Yes, she has to get her dress and stand up there with you, but I agree, it's more than that. Your bridal party is there during your planning process and they usually partake in some sort of planning. Whether that be the bachelorette party or the shower. Even if someone else is hosting it for you they should still be involved. They're your bridal party after all, not someone you've picked from a crowd and said "yeah I want you to stand there and look pretty". They're your support system throughout this process.

I have to agree with PP. We are 2 1/2 months out and my MOH just started really coming around and being super excited about the wedding. Before that she would also go MIA but I knew not to worry about it because this is my wedding not hers so I knew she wouldn't be as excited as me until the day got closer. She would only respond and talk about the wedding if i brought it up or needed her for dress shopping. So as PP have said just give it time she will come around and if you do decide to demote her be ready to possible get in a fight and end that friendship.

View Quoted Comment No not 6 weeks. It is 6 months

Here’s some captions on MOH demoting. I was actually demoted back in the day in my BFFs wedding. I was too wild back then 🤣

View Quoted Comment I know, I meant if she not around 6 months from the wedding, where is she going to be 6 weeks from the wedding when she's needed most

View Quoted Comment Like 99 percent of MOH, not doing anything at 6 months because there is nothing to do except planning things which B and G should do, at 3 months and six weeks out the MOH finally has things to do, and does them. . . Brides are starting planning earlier and earlier . But fundamentally, BM and MOH usual activities have not changed at all. They have never required doing anything further out than 5 months, and still are not doing anything then but maybe beginning to look at dresses. Since bridesmaid dresses in reality come in 2 to 10 weeks after ordering, and most people do not want to pay more for alterations than the original cost of a dress, they are best tried on for fit and bm body measured within 4 months of the time they will be worn, so the person will not have changed more than 10 pounds. Early on, the MOH or BM may volunteer to give a party, or help hostess one. But showers and bachelorette parties are usually given in the last 3.5 months, and for someone organized, planning a full dinner and shower for 50 can be done in a month or two ( yes, done it often) not in the whole year orecedi g the wedding. And smaller showers, and bachelorette parties, for 20 or less, may take a few days planning before invitations. So why stretch it out and start before necessary? . . . Lots of brides comfortably plan a wedding, name designer dress and venue of any size, in 5-6 months. Whole weddings, formal or casual, excellent results, happy guests. Expecting bridal party, with very little to do, dress and maybe parties, to start months and months early just to make brides happy happy, is not a necessary thing to being MOH or BM. Neither is an assistant bride. And the person whom you love more than anything, want by your side when you marry, who should be helping plan for a year or whatever, is called the groom ( or future wife) not the MOH or Best Man. I have never in my life heard a complaint about a best man who did not start doing anything until the last 3-4 months, even if he volunteered and did the entire male side clothing shopping for a groom who was far away, and planned the whole bachelor party himself. Nobody cares, as long as he kicks in in the last few months and accomplishes everything. But recently, people have expectations of MOH out of a reality TV show, which is a dramatized totally unreal view of things, not real. None of us live in the time frame of a soap opera, dragging the smallest things out for months , and none of us plan our lives like an unreal TV show. Real people have lives that do not revolve around it her people's weddings, baby showers and baptisms and christenings and such. The groom plans the wedding with the bride, primarily, or sometimes a mother . It has not generally been a MOH or BM job except on TV and the movies. Team wedding is a fantasy concept, and a moneymaker for the wedding industry, but in real life, the wedding party has things to do for a few months, clothing and maybe parties.

I had to remove one of my BMs and it was the most stressful thing I’ve ever dealt with. Long story short, we started talking about BM dresses in January, all but 1 of my girls had them ordered bun February. This girl blew me off on 2 occasions to meet me to order her dress and basically just refused to communicate with me. In the end I think she was blowing me off because she didn’t want to pay for it and was hoping I would just order it for her out of frustration. But that was not happening lol. So I removed her in March so I would have enough time to ask someone else and she could have time to order a dress that would come in on time. So that was 5 months before my wedding. With all that being said I totally get that you’re frustrated with your MOH for being distant, like I said the tension with my BM was God awful for me. I came to WW saying I needed to remove this girl and a lot of people told me I was rude and shouldn’t do that, but it wasn’t about whether I should do it or not at that point. It was about she needed to go 🤪 But on the other hand I do agree with most ladies saying you should talk to her first. In my opinion being the MOH is absolutely an important job. What is the point of being special if you don’t have special jobs or special expectations? But it’s only an important job if you make it one. Maybe she doesn’t realize what you expect out of her and that needs to be stated before you go demoting anyone. You need to give her a chance before you just drop a bomb on her like that. I know it’s your wedding and it’s your whole world right now but it is not for your girls. Just say “hey I was expecting this this and this from you as my MOH and I don’t feel like I’m getting that, is there anyway you can help me with X Y and Z? I know 6 months seems like a long time but if we start knocking our projects now we will be less stressed later” or something like that. All in all, don’t just go demoting her! It will ruin your friendship. I still haven’t heard from that girl I removed and I did not invite her to the wedding 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would have a face to face conversation with and then let her know if necessary you will have to let her go. If not, it will only get worse. It's crazy how some people act when you are having a big moment.

I’m going to go a little against the PPs and say go with your gut drop her. If she decides not to come, her loss and NEXT. I can relate to having that old & flaky fair-weather-friend. As some of the other post, I’m not going to assume that you only contact her about wedding stuff— but that you also send messages to see if she is alive and well. She is probably avoiding you because she thinks that being a MOH has too much responsibility?! If she can’t be consistent and communicate on a regular basis, I don’t see the point in her being involved at all. You are about to enter a new chapter in your life and maybe you should end the one you two have as friends 🤷🏽‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Agree! 👏🏾

It could be she might be going through something.

It's funny I am going through the exact same thing but 21 years of friendship. I've basically done everything alone. She doesn't call, or take initiative either. She hasn't picked up her dress from my house to just try it on at least and my wedding is next weekend. She acts unconcerned with anything that has something to do with me. She is always short with her conversations and she always texts 1 word responses to anything that I communicate to her. My mother and her had words on Wednesday and I'm basically just waiting to see her in person within the next couple of days to go ahead and do what I need to do. IT's very sad that people take in this role and then don't do what they should. If it's a money thing don't say yes to the role. If you're jealous don't say yes to the role. At the end of the day it's about me not anyone else and I will not.let anyone ruin my day! Period! So you have to make sure you do everything you can to make sure you are smiling with no worries that your day could be ruined. If demorinf her gives you peace. DO IT!