I’m demoting my moh

I’m sorry she isn’t returning your calls or texts but it isn’t her job to plan anything. If you ask her to step down I would be prepared for the friendship to end.

Maid of honor isn’t a job title, you can’t “demote” someone. Like Kelly said, it’s unfortunate that she hasn’t returned your calls and texts, but it’s not her job to plan your wedding. Have you tried reaching out to her to see if she’s okay? Asked how her life is going? This seems like a really
minor issue that you’re throwing a friendship away over.

I agree with PPs! The only thing "required" of a bridal party is buy the correct dress and stand with you at the wedding. Demoting her is a serious friendship ending move!

Are you okay with never speaking to her again?
Unless she volunteered it's not really appropriate to assume she'd plan anything. Are you sure she's okay in her own life right now?

Six mos. is a really long time out - I know that it doesn’t feel like it. I barely talk to my MOH unless I can’t sleep at 4 am (she’s a nurse w/ awful hours).
I know that the wedding can take over your life - but honestly it’s background noise to most ppl even ur MOH.

It is 6 months before your wedding so I e it is way earlier for her to plan stuff. Nor does she have to. Doing this will most likely ruin your friendship over her not planning you a party.
have you text or called her about things not wedding related and how long did you give to call you back?

I see where you're coming from. Because it sounds like it's not just about her not really being excited or involved as Moh, sounds like she's MIA from the friendship in general. But I'd do as other PPs said in that maybe you should try to check up on her and see what's up in her life and if it seems like she's having a lot going on then yeah, she can step down.

I agree with PPs. My MOH didn't plan anything until about 7 weeks before the wedding, and even then it's not a necessity. Being MOH isn't a planning position, it's who you want to be closest to you the ceremony. Yes, typically MOH's plan the Bach party but it's not a necessity. Make a group text with everyone and ask what people's ideas are, maybe that'll get the ball rolling.

It is not her job to plan anything. She buys the dress and smiles for the pictures.

Find out if she's okay--

I have been in more than fifty wedding parties, and except for volunteer to give a shower, so it is known someone will , I have never done anything wedding til under 5 months, unless I was the one she asked for a particular thing like shopping, or unless I had offered to make a gown it veil or accessories. Bride usually does the rest herself, or with groom. But MOH stuff? Look at gowns no later than 4-4.5 months, depending on choice and usual delivery time by manufacturer, order between 2.5 months and 4 months so in a month before the wedding. Give a shower in last 3 months, with or without others, depending on locations of friends and family. Count backward from shower date 7 weeks, 2 to plan, one to send invitations, then work on it as needed over a month's time. Plan on 1 evening or 1 day for a bachelorette if there is one.
. . . . There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that a MOH or BM needs to do before 5 months or less. So it is six months out, and you want to drop her because she has done nothing, when there is nothing she needs to do? That is bizarre. If you are no longer friends now, and never expect to be in the future, then tell her the friendship is over and done. And she will not be in or at the wedding. But if you ever want her as a friend again, don't exclude her for doing nothing when there is nothing for her to do. She will think you have a problem.

If you were to text her about something not wedding related does she answer? It really takes a toll on moh/bridesmaids when the bride only wants to discuss the wedding and won't maintain a normal friendship. So if all your calls and texts have to do with the wedding she might be feeling like that's all you care about and you're not being her friend anymore. Plus you're saying she only comes around when its convenient for her... if you're only asking her to hang out when its to help with wedding tasks I can understand why she'd start saying no. Remember that this is a friend first, bridal party member second.

On the other hand, if you guys were not really close prior to you asking her to be MOH, asking her to be in the bridal party won't make you closer. If the friendship has been fading out for a long time it's no surprise she doesn't care about your wedding, only friends you are currently close with will have any interest in attending wedding related things.

So I'd start by doing some self-reflection. Are you disappointed because you're expecting too much and treating her only like bridal party member and not a friend or has this friendship been over for a long time and you are just realizing it now?

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This, exactly this. No one is excited about your wedding like you are, and only ever reaching out to them to talk about wedding things isn't the way to keep a friendship either. One of my BMs is my high school best friend that lives out of town, and while I always want to ask her opinions and send her pictures of wedding stuff, I make a point to reach out to talk to her just about life and to see how she is doing.

I really think you guys need to focus on your friendship for a bit - and not the wedding. Also, there needs to be more clear expectations. You both need to be on the same page to avoid any misinterpretations. My MOH was really just there for emotional support, the same as she was before the wedding. She was heavily pregnant and I was dealing with traditional family stuff. So we really just were there for each other as best friends - just as we were before.

The only 'early in the wedding planning stuff' I asked her to do was waylay communication stuff away from me to do the wedding shower or bachelorette party. I told her I didn't care if anything was planned (or if she planned them), but just communicate with guests if they asked anything.

I agree with everyone saying it's not your MOH's job to plan anything, however I DO think it's strange that she doesn't call or text you back. Does she not call or text back whatsoever or only if it's wedding related? If it's only when it's wedding related I would just relax. No one is as excited about our own wedding as we are. If it's not calling or texting you back though, I do find that a bit weird. How was your communication style typically? Did you call/text each other daily or hardly?

Is everything ok with her? Maybe she’s had a family emergency or she’s really struggling with work. I would try reaching out to her as a friend. Remember she was your friend for a long time before she was your MOH, and hopefully she will continue to be your friend for a long time after.

It sounds like you thought making her maid of honor would change who she is as a person/friend. No one is going to change who they are just because you’re getting married. She isn’t required to plan anything and you still have a lot of time before your wedding. Asking her to not participate is most likely going to end your friendship. If you’re prepared for that and don’t care, go for it.

Maid of Honor is not a job title. My best friend of many years was my maid of honor and she offered to help with whatever I needed. I didn't beg or force her to do anything and everything worked out fine. If you demote her prepare for your friendship to be over.

Are you ok with totally ending the friendship with her? If not, I would really reconsider asking her to step down as it will definitely ruin your friendship. Truthfully, my MOH didnt help as much as I had hoped, but she’s my best friend and I never even would’ve considered asking her to step down... and if I could do it over again, I would still ask her to be my MOH. I wanted her to be my MOH because she’s my best friend, not based on her involvement in planning

I think you're doing the right thing by denoting her/leaving her out of the wedding party. This is your wedding and its supposed to be special and full of love. You can't force someone to want to be apart of it, especially when they're actions are basically showing you they don't care. Sometimes it doesn't matter if someone is a long time friend or not, their actions speak volumes and length of friendship doesn't mean they should be your MOH.
Really hope everything works out for you!

I'm not in the same situation, but I am in a similar one. I have two bridesmaids, I told them that I wouldn't choose a MOH because I couldn't choose and didn't want either of them to feel disrespected. Well fast forward six months, one of them has planned and paid for the bachelorette weekend, helped with invitations, shows up with things she knew I needed but didn't ask for, and the other has been MIA, distant, forgetful, and just totally slacking. So I went ahead and asked the more involved one to be my MOH. The MOH is an important role, the whole point of it is to help the bride and take some of the weight off of her. I also think it's important that she's someone who can be there for my family and help take care of them if something were to happen to me. I think if your MOH is not living up to the role then you have every right to demote her. As far as going about it, I don't think there's a gentle way. She knows how she's been acting, just bring light to it. Tell her straight up, "I love you, but I can't help but notice you've been distant. I really was counting on you to be there for me like I needed you to, but I know how stressful weddings can be, so I think it will be best for both of us if you do not stand as my MOH". Maybe she'll get her act together, maybe she'll be ok with it, maybe she'll throw a fit. I haven't told my bridesmaid that I asked the other to be my MOH. She'll figure it out eventually, but she hasn't cared to be around to find out. When she does, I know she'll know why I did it.