I was invited to the Bridal Shower, but not the Wedding?

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I wouldn't so you're better than me.

Is her wedding super small? That's the only way I would think this is (remotely) acceptable.

When I saw the title of your post, my instant reaction was "no way!" but since you're inviting her to your stuff, I guess you're good friends.

I've heard that it's acceptable to not invite coworkers even if you have a work shower. It's a tricky situation because the groom's parents are throwing it, not a coworker.

Spend no more than $20.

It's never acceptable to invite someone to your shower who is not invited to a wedding, even if the wedding is super small. The ONLY exception is if the people at work THROW YOU a shower, you don't need to turn around and invite them. But that's different from what's going on here.

I guess there's a possibility that you are invited and just haven't received in the invite yet? But, regardless, you can't go. Send your regrets and (only if you want) a small gift. Something like this would definitely make me see my friend in a new light.

Lori is correct.

I'm also wondering if perhaps your invitation got lost in the mail or something.

If you were invited as a co-worker and others were too. Maybe you should all decline to go to the family one and throw her a small one at work. Do it during your lunch hour, see if you can get a little extra time. Everyone chip it for some pizza or something. That gets you out of having to go to that shower and not feeling slighted about not being invited to the wedding. It's very common for work places to throw bridal/baby showers for someone, even if they aren't invited to the wedding.

It's really up to you what you do...

Actually, I'm not a troll at all, though I am a big fan of the original Star Wars trilogy! My profile looks very blank because I just started and have only been engaged for a month! I promise I will get more stuff up, but it's been crazy. I work full time and am currently attending school full time, so we decided to push the wedding out for a year for time to prep.

The invitations came to the office, not to my house. It could have gotten lost, I guess. I just don't see how that was possible. A few other coworkers have said that they have had their wedding invitations for several weeks now. She has been planning it for a while and continues to post things on Facebook.

On being good friends, I wouldn't consider us that, no. We talk everyday, have gone to lunch on a few occasions, swap gifts on holidays, are friends on Facebook; however, we have never done anything after work. She's told me that we should hang out and grab drinks, but we've never gotten around to it. It's one of those relationships. She close enough to be invited to my wedding/other festivities because it would be awkward not to do so, but not close enough to share in my secrets. For all I know, we could be best friends when I get married! I will not allow it to bug me too much! Small gift, it is. Thank you!

I like the idea, Jillian. I don't know that I could get all of the coworkers to decline the family one, as some of them are actually her close friends. I do want to RSVP that I will not be attending as that it is the proper thing to do and a small gift is polite, too. I don't want things to be awkward. Wedding invite or not, I still have to see her everyday. A work shower would be fun, though! I'll see if I can arrange one with help from the other girls!

You are way too nice. Don't get her anything.

It honestly sounds like she wants you buy her a gift and her to not buy you a meal.

Are you sure you're not invited? maybe all the invites haven't gone out yet?

I can tell you what I would do. I would decline the shower invitation via the RSVP phone number or the email address. No gift, just best wishes. This is exactly why you don't invite someone to a wedding shower without inviting them to the wedding. To quote to OP, "I feel slighted...and feel like I was only invited to receive a gift".

If you sincerely believe that your wedding invitation may have been lost, I would still RSVP, but I'd say, "I'm sorry, I haven't yet received my wedding invitation. I know my coworkers have. Perhaps there was an oversight?". The response will tell you everything you need to know.

Valarie, you're totally right. Co-workers often throw wedding and baby showers for each other. Invitations to weddings aren't necessary in those situations. I don't understand the office wedding shower with an invitation requesting a monetary gift. What makes office wedding showers fun is the opening of the gifts, not so much the opening of envelopes. After the gifts, everyone pigs out. I think they're terrific. Guess what? You can ask all you want, but if your coworkers are into throwing wedding showers, you're probably going to get one. Don't fight it. It's a nice feeling..

I am fairly certain I wasn't invited to the wedding. Everyone else at work received their wedding invitations at work several weeks ago. I received an invitation to the bridal shower this week at the same time as my coworkers. I'm not terribly convinced that it got lost or that invitations are being held...

We usually do office showers here, too. I imagine there is already one in the works.

I have a number of reasons for being nice. This girl was hired because her daddy is a longtime business partner of the firm and she moved up the totem pole quickly. Very quickly. I have more experience, the certification, and the degree for her position-all of which she does not have. She is good at her job, though and seems to enjoy it. I don't want the particular position because I am hoping to move to another department and that position will keep me in this one. That said, though I am older, more experienced, etc., she is currently in a position over me and is quick to make that known. Trust me, I have upset her before when I made a point to handle another assignment before hers and she responded by ignoring me for a week. We're all adults, I promise [I think.] My point is it is not worth the extra hassle because she is the type that feels entitled to receive gifts and will take offense if she does not. I would rather be polite and get a small gift, than have to deal with the mess of not getting her one. I'm a nice person and I don't want to create an awkward environment for myself. Revenge won't make me feel better and I'm not out to make her feel guilty by getting her something either. All I care about is being able to walk into work with my head held high and being able to sleep at nice. What she thinks or does after I am nice is entirely up to her.

Mal, with all due respect (honestly, I'm not trying to offend you), it sounds like you're concerned that your failure to acquiesce to this woman's breach of etiquette will impact your job security. It also sounds like you've made your decision. I don't walk in your shoes, so I really don't know what's hanging in the balance here. Based on the picture I've put together, I would have a very hard time giving a wedding gift to a person because they're essentially demanding one (and the more you explain the situation at work, the more it seems like that's what happening). I think you are more than safe with declining the wedding shower invitation and sending a wedding card. It is the height of bad taste to invite guests to a shower while excluding them from the wedding guest list (while simultaneously inviting other co-workers to the wedding -- something that is sure to get around the office). It's rude, it's hurtful, and it shows an indifference to your feelings. On your part, It's not really a question of revenge, but more a question of self-respect. I would attend the office shower, give her a token gift, and move on. You can hold your head up without being coerced to give the girl whose been given everything (without paying her dues) another gift she probably won't appreciate.

If your invitation got lost, you will know when she asks you about not RSVPing yet. She will ask why you haven't and if you are going to be attending and you can just say that you never received and invitation and you assumed you weren't invited.

That way it doesn't seem like your ignoring the invitation and you will have explained the reasoning of no RSVP.

If you don't get a "check in" call then its safe to assume you weren't invited and there is nothing you can do about it.

ETA: sorry If this was mentioned already, I just skimmed the comments

If you could attend, I would have said go and buy something small. But since you can't go, don't buy a gift.

It is incredibly rude of her to invite you to a family shower and not to the wedding. And it is just a slap in the face that she has invited many of your colleagues to the wedding but not you. I would not attend even if you could, and would honestly not give a gift.

Valarie, this is completely different scenario from co-workers *choosing* to throw an office shower for a bride-to-be and not expecting (or receiving) an invite to the wedding. Not comparable.

I am in a similar pickle. I received a shower invite but not the save the date for the wedding. Therefore i would think I'm a "b" list possibility. It is a very fancy shower and wedding. The registry had gifts like potato masher for $43 and Dutch oven for $500 as 2 examples. Alittle over the top imo. So do I attend the shower with a pricy gift in case i make the final guest list for the wedding? It all seems a bit tacky to me.