i was demoted as moh

View Quoted Comment That's what I think. To me it almost seems like as if she chose you to be maid of honor because she knew that you would do the work and then closer to the wedding chose someone else. Sadly sometimes it seems like Brides will choose their bridal party based on who will do their tasks. In regards to the tasks that the new maid of honor should do I wouldn't even give her an option. In fact I would go to your friend's house hand over the invites and everything and when they are not complete just say well when I was a maid of honor I was doing this but now I'm going to pass this task off to the new maid of honor. I would strongly encourage you to really think about your friendship with this woman. Up until the wedding and after the wedding can you still see her the same? I feel like if that was done to me I wouldn't see that friend in the same light like I used to. To me I felt what she did and why she did it is a friendship ending move and she didn't think about that. You have to do what you feel the most comfortable with but I kind of agree with you in that I wouldn't want to be in the wedding party and I would call her and just let her know that unfortunately you are unable to continue to be in her wedding party and if she's okay with that you would like to be a guest and then if she won't let you attend her wedding then you know where your friendship is. If you choose to remain as a bridesmaid again I wouldn't even give the new maid of honor and opportunity to refuse. Maybe send them both a group text telling them that these tasks still need to be done and they will be available for pickup at your house whenever the current maid of honor wants to pick them up. You should let them know that you're not asking you're basically telling them that if they want the bachelorette party, the invites or anything else to be done she now needs to do it and you're not giving her the option to say no. It is either she does it or the bride does it or it doesn't get done. Pardon me to say this but it sounds like she gave you her butt to kiss and then she still expects you to do her tasks I don't think so. In fact realistically it should be the bride doing those tasks anyway not the maid of honor. I have never prepared invitations for any of my friends that were Brides.

View Quoted Comment Dont take this the wrong way, but I think asking for money might come off a little worse? Not sure.

Don't ask the bride or the MOH about taking over your "designated duties;" TELL them you'll not be doing them any longer. They don't get a choice. It's up to the bride then to get the MOH motivated or do it herself (which I think she ought to be doing anyway).

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's definitely poor taste imo. I also hate to say that it seems that she is/has just used you. If you know the other girl was financially strapped I'm sure the bride knew as well. I'm also sure she knew you would be happy to take on certain responsibilities that her other friend couldn't as MOH. Same thing with the invitations. Now that you've footed the bill and done the bulk of the work, she is ready to have her longtime friend step in.


I hope I'm wrong about everything I just said but from the outside looking in, that's where my thoughts went. I think you should tell her how you feel. I realize it's her day, but you are a person with feeling too and you deserve to have them taken into consideration. Good luck with this.

Wow, I am so sorry your "friend" treated you this way! I agree with the others, stop doing things for her, tell her to have her MOH do it. What a sorry excuse for a friend she is!

View Quoted Comment

This 100%. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, agreeing with everyone that this is in VERY poor taste, and it sounds like she doesn’t value you or your friendship. And as Pam said, there is no “asking” the bride or MOH to take over. You tell them you are no longer comfortable/available/willing to do said duties, since you are no longer the MOH. End of story. You are not the bad person here. She is taking advantage of your kindness, but she doesn’t get to demote you AND keep your time and effort. That is exactly what her MOH is for, and at this point, it’s not you. Also agree with the PP who said this excuse is ridiculous. The symmetry issue - if that’s even it - should be that her spouse adds someone, not her cutting someone out. How important was this person that she is asked after the fact? Good luck and please keep us posted.

Try to return or sell the decorations! That is really poor etiquette on the bride and you have every right to feel a certain way !

Update: I told her how I feel and how I think that it’s not fair. She told me that she made her decision and it was the end of it. So I told her I don’t feel comfortable being in the wedding anymore and she told me that she’d rather not have me in it anyway since all that I did 'Was for the glory' of being MOH. We haven’t spoken since.

I’d be in my feelings too, things like that does take away time and money and for her to do so is a bit selfish, not a bit it’s selfish period she should’ve jus asked you both to be her MOH instead of demoting you like that! N I wouldn’t wanna take part in that wedding after that, I’m sorry

We demoted a best man but only because he informed us (after we asked him to be best man) that he isn't supportive of the relationship. I don't want someone in my wedding who doesn't want me to marry my fiancé. Taking someone out because of a signature on a piece of paper that does not matter beyond being able to change last name is ridiculous, in my opinion. Unless a member of the bridal party is uncooperative, unsupportive, or just becomes really problematic, it's tacky to remove them once they've been asked.

View Quoted Comment

OH no I'm so sorry to hear. I was hoping when I came back to check in on the thread it would say you spoke and she understood and apologized for what she put you through. What she said was really cruel considering how much sadness this brought you. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you were a good friend to her but not the other way around. My guess is you will feel both angry and sad for sometime and that's ok. Ultimately I hope you feel like a weight has lifted and you no longer have to worry about her and her wedding that you can focus on yours.