i was demoted as moh

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I asked a friend who was really there for me when i hit rock bottom so as soon as i got engaged i asked her to be my MOH but then it had someone else who i really wanted to give that title but i just made her my Matron of Honor. They will both be wearing gold dresses on that day.. Plus I am doing everything myself. However i am going to apologize for your friend for hurting your feelings i do wish i had friends like you.. If she doesnt appreciate you for what you have done then I do...

Return everything you bought. Let her start from scratch. Yes it's messy and hurtful so you save your money and be a guests. If you got your dress that's really foul.

View Quoted Comment I have my dress, shoes, bachelorette dress, bridal shower clothes, and rehearsal dinner dress. 🙁

View Quoted Comment I appreciate the kind words! That’s so nice ❤️ I’m just incredibly hurt since I put all this time and energy into helping her plan and I get demoted to someone who hasn’t lifted a finger to help at all.

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Believe me I know the feeling...

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When I had two MOH'S we still only had one best man so not a great excuse but it's her wedding so ultimately what she wants goes.

I am sorry you are going through this. It isn't fair that your spent all this time and money. Plus I imagine you were pretty excited and honored to be asked to be MOH. If you feel comfortable I agree you might let her know how you feel but I just prepared for anything. If she listens and feels bad it sounds like nothing will change except for her truly feeling remorse for how she treated you. On the flip side she may not understand how you feel which speaks a lot about the friendship.

View Quoted Comment I don’t take offense at all and it’s not rude in the slightest. I knew I was going to spend money on her, being her MOH and all, but it just doesn’t seem right that I was the only one who spent money on her and now I get demoted and this other girl gets to be MOH and doesn’t have to do anything to help. Like, I still have to handle the Bridal Shower rsvps and I’m still stuffing the invites to the wedding. Why should I be the only one doing the work? It’s not fair in my eyes.

View Quoted Comment What the hell is this girl thinking. That may be the most inconsiderate thing I've ever heard. You just may be better off not monetarily but in the long run. Without her nonsense.

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This "friend" has shown you very clearly that she cares more about pictures than your feelings. You have every right to be hurt. And you might want to reevaluate the relationship after the wedding. She might not be the kind of friend you want for yourself.

That said, I wouldn't do anything that feels petty that you might regret (not because you wouldn't be justified, but it might make you feel worse and it's not worth that), but I would definitely pull back from future helping/going out of your way. And certainly don't spend any more money. You can't make the new MOH contribute in any way, but you don't need to pick up any slack. Hang in there!

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Wait, why are you stuffing wedding invites?? That is the bride and her future spouse's job. Just don't be available for the rest of it. Prioritize your own life (and finances!).

In this case you really have to say ok. There is no other option really as she is not actually asking you, she is telling you what she wants.
I would say ok and just stop with the funding of any parties or plans as that is the MOH duties. Let them have what you have purchased and call it a day on that but the new MOH needs to take over her duties.
I know it sounds a bit petty but seriously what she is doing is far from ok at this point. Don’t get stuck paying for everything when you have been demoted.

Thank you all so much for talking to me about this! This is the first time I’ve ever been (and demoted) MOH and I was so super excited to have such an honor and I feel so sad and depressed having that taken from me and I just wanted to know if this was a normal thing and I was just over reacting.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. I need to sit and think about what’s going on and how to move forward ❤️

View Quoted Comment She said that it’s too stressful for her and she needed help so being the MOH at the time, she delegated me to do the invites, shower stuff, and bachelorette planning and decorating. All of which she still wants me to do. I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t think that’s right or fair.

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You're so nice. I'm not nearly that mature. I'd be packing up the unstuffed invites and dropping them off at the bride's house. I'd be cancelling reservations for party venues, returning decorations, etc. You shouldn't have been doing all this yourself to begin with, and now you REALLY shouldn't be doing any of it.

I'm sorry she's treating you so shabbily.

View Quoted Comment ❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much

I know you said you still want to be friends with this girl, but honestly, why? She's showing you that she would rather have pretty pictures (the symmetry you spoke of) than to value her relationships AND she's still wanting you to shell out all of this money, plan her optional parties, AND STUFF HER WEDDING INVITES?! Screw that. She's using you for your niceness; just because she's getting married doesn't mean she gets to act like an entitled "wish-WW-would-let-me-use-a-stronger-sentiment". You're more woman than I am because I'd be having some serious words with this "friend" about her backward priorities and telling her where to shove it all.

View Quoted Comment The more I think about it, the more I’m leaning towards this. If I lose a “friendship” then so be it. She wasn’t much of a friend if she pulls this and feels it’s okay.

View Quoted Comment I would pass the responsipbility onto the MOH. I honestly think it's great that you're still even willing to help with the wedding. Truthfully I would pass them aggressively send a text message to the now maid of honor and say hey congrats I think you would be great for the role by the way I'd made of Honor these of a task that I had to do which I will now pass the responsibility onto you. I definitely don't feel afraid that you're doing everything and I would put that responsibility on the maid of honor or at least have her help. And if she has a problem with it then she can take that up with the bride. Personally I feel that for whatever reason it was done it's still a slap in the face to ask you to be the maid of honor and then choose someone else so I would not be taking all these responsibilities on.

View Quoted Comment I’ve asked her multiple times to help out with invites and stuffing envelopes and buying decorations and all that jazz and she flat out refused each time. I think I’m going to politely decline being in the wedding now. It’s such a hurtful thing. If she values pictures over a friendship, was she really a friend to begin with?