i want a small wedding, but my fiance wants to elope.

I feel like 30 people is still an elopement microwedding at most.
Weddings are kind of show, but it doesn't have to feel like a show, maybe ask him aside from the guest list what exactly he dislikes and work your way up. A lot of times budget is a concern and there's a lot you can do for under 10k.
You're willing to compromise with him on the scale of the wedding he should be open to compromising with you about the formality

My FH and I were the same way, he wanted to elope and I wanted a wedding with our close friends and family. What we came to do is we actually went to the courthouse on Nov 9, 2018 and had our wedding with just us and our parents, which honestly was super intimate and special to where now after planning this wedding I wish we would have just done that. BUT of course I wanted the wedding so we will be having our wedding with close friends and family on Nov 9, 2019. So all in all we compromised and had both done.

Compromise. Perhaps you two can elope then do a bigger celebration after.

My wife has a small circle and mine is much bigger including family. She wanted to elope and I wanted a wedding to share that with my community. It was probably one of the most loving things she has done for me. We had 90 people there and spent $5,900. Though I did a lot of the research, we made decisions together and if she really wanted something - like one of the colors being red or birthday cake ice cream cake - she got it. I'm also glad we did it because it taught us how to make decisions together and how better to compromise. I know this doesn't really help you with your situation but to say I've been there. Maybe you have a similar situation where he has a small circle and you have a wider one including all your family. I love the compromise you came up with. Sit down and talk with him about what is important to you both. In the end, a wedding is for a day - the marriage is for a lifetime.

Same with my husband and I, we were long distance as well. I always imagined when i got married it would be an actual wedding my family is also huge and his is smaller. My cousins wedding were about 500-600 guest so I cut my guest list from 300 to 80 and in the end had a list of 160 combined which only 100 came to the wedding. I compromised to make it smaller than what I dreamed and he agreed. His family constantly said we should just elope because that's what his whole family had done but when the day came he was very happy with the way the day went and that we planned it. If you both could compromise or as others have said elope and have your special day I think it would be nice as well. Just talk it out with your partner until you come to a conclusion or it will just keep bothering the both of you. Good luck

I was in the same position. I created a tentative guest list of about 75, which included mostly family, but also all the friends we're closest with. My fh wanted 25...basically immediate family and a couple of friends each. We compromised at around 50. If your partner doesn't want to compromise further, you could elope, or have a ceremony that is family only, or just a few people of your choosing and then invite more people to the reception. If you elope (basically for his sake), you could choose the courthouse, destination, or whatever. Go by yourselves or invite a handful of people. Whatever you decide, good luck!

Stick to your guns. 30 people is not huge. You already compromised now he needs to also. This is about 2 people not just him. Stand your ground. It doesn't have to be expensive either. You can have a small budget and terrific wedding.

Elope and then have a celebratory party. best of both worlds.

Thank you everyone for all your words of encouragement! After talking to my fiance, we will be planning a small 30 guests wedding in San Diego! I'm so excited!!

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This is great news, Shelley! Have you started looking at potential venues yet?