i really don't want one of my Bm's "boyfriend" to come

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This is correct only if you don't mind losing friends/family relationships. If you don't care about that, then fill your boots.

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I don't think this can be compared to family members.

I have been to a wedding that my FH (at the time my boyfriend) wasn't invited to.

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I agree with Tanya- I have the unpopular opinion of if someone makes you uncomfortable, they're out!

It's YOUR wedding; YOUR special day. Why should you have to play by the rules of making other people happy like that?

I told all my bridesmaids straight up that if they are not in a committed relationship, they do not get a +1. Weddings nowadays are too expensive to invite random people or those who are not important to you- let alone someone who makes you uncomfortable!

They actually all agreed with me and said that's completely understandable- in fact, one of my Bridesmaids even said, "we'll be too busy to entertain a random date anyway, so I wouldn't bring one even if you gave me one".

Why should I have to pay $200 for someone to bring their Tinder date?

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Wow!!! That sounds really condescending.

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Just because someone else was rude doesn't suddenly validate a rude plan.

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I don't like my mom's new husband, and I'm not inviting him. He is also a sex offender, and there will be kids at my wedding. But, etiquette says I should invite him, right? Sounds like a FANTASTIC plan.

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There's a difference between "not liking someone" and feeling unsafe for yourself or your guests. If I had a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend was abusive or caused fights, I would feel free not to invite them to a social gathering up to and including my wedding. However, if you give someone a "plus one" it's not up to you who they bring. I've brought dates to weddings that the bride has never laid eyes on in her whole life. The "plus one" is for them, not for you. Also, OP's friend should receive a separate invite from her parents, including a plus one. If you don't think they are "really dating" then don't invite them as a social unit, but she should get to bring someone and you don't get to decide who that is.

View Quoted Comment I never said I wasn't inviting people just bc I "didn't like them" although thankfully I don't have that issue with any my guests.

But Yes, if someone makes me uncomfortable (and as a grown woman I am able to make rational decisions about this) then they would not be invited. For example, If someone is disrespectful to me or my FH or my family, that is an example of someone that I would not want to be there. I could care less if they are someones SO and i "have" to give them a plus one. It's my wedding and I am paying so I can decide to avoid certain people at my wedding.

I also have the unpopular opinion that you should only invite who you want to invite. Yes, it isn't just your day, because there are guests involved. But ultimately, it's about you, so do what makes you happy. That being said... I would still invite him. If she wasn't a bridesmaid, I probably wouldn't. But she is your bridesmaid because you're close friends and she is important to you, right? She's showing up for your special day and being a pretty big part of it. If this guy makes her happy, then he should be invited. I think not inviting him would put your friendship at risk, and because she's committing to being a bridesmaid, she should get to bring him. I see it as: what's more important, her as your bridesmaid or him not being there? Because she shouldn't be a bridesmaid (and might not want to be one) if you aren't going to be mindful of her happiness.

I realize that a lot of these comments have been very lecturing and condescending, so I hope I don't come off that way. I totally understand wanting to cherry pick each and every guest BUT it's only a happy celebration if your guests are happy and she is one of the most important guests.

Thank you everyone I really appreciate all of your comments!

Referring to him as “uncool” because he didn’t want your friend to stay to party doesn’t make this sound like a very mature reason for not wanting him at your wedding. This is someone you clearly consider a good friend if you made her your bridesmaid. You have no right to tell her what her relationship status is with this guy and you need to consider how it may make her feel that you refuse to allow her significant other to attend as her plus one. You should be considerate of those you care about even if you don’t care for this guy.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Finally, someone said it 👏👏👏

I find it so funny how basically, anyone can change any of the traditional things they choose, except when it comes to a plus one 🤦 but anyways it's your wedding day I say do as you please but be completely upfront and honest about it and don't change your stance about it for anyone. Rather she is in the bridal party or not, who dime is the wedding really on? No offense or disrespect, but I'm not allowing plus ones for anyone I don't care what their relationship status is, it's either that or no children allowed and the children are my blood so their is absolutely no way around it #Period and, if the shoe was on the other foot, they might do the same. All of my cousins and friends are getting heartaches and pain so just because they put up with it doesn't mean I have to as well NO NO NO I want nothing but sincere love and support around us on our day, not just it given to us but us giving it as well. And, that just won't happen if you allow any and every one to come.

I don't blame you at all. Stand your ground, don't invite him. It's your day, why have people there that you aren't close to? You and your spouse get to decide this.

You don't have to invite him if they aren't together. I know that opinion is unpopular, but if you don't want him there and they aren't in an actual relationship than you don't have to invite him. Maybe have a heart to heart with your friend and explain your feelings to her.

Ok honestly, why does everyone always have to take it up a notch and get excited to start an argument with someone. Why is it so hard for people to just say, "I think your wedding party should all be extended a plus one. That is the usual etiquette and that is what I am doing/have done." Is it really that hard...I feel like you can still get the point across without being sarcastic. Again, I know it is a public forum and people can say what they want so I'm not stopping anyone from saying what is on their mind but I thought this was supposed to be a place to ask questions and get advice...not be scolded like a child.

I say, the SO is not even worthy of your time. You've got your beautiful wedding to be thinking about. What's the likelihood of the SO actually showing up on the day of your wedding? I think you are sweating the small stuff. Focus on you and your fiancé.

So they've been dating for a significant length of time, but you don't count that because they haven't technically labelled themselves? I have friends who have been with their SOs for longer than 5 years and aren't listed on Facebook as being in a relationship. That doesn't mean that they're not.

You should invite your BMs partner to the wedding. You will likely ruin the friendship otherwise because by inviting other peoples SOs but not hers, you're pretty directly telling her that you don't like him. It's pretty hurtful to want your friend to be unhappy at your wedding because of your impression of the guy, the one time you met him. This is one of your best friends and she cares about him. Invite them out and get to know her partner, you might end up liking him.

If he’s her significant other, he gets an invite. It doesn’t matter what his title is.

My ex boyfriend and I dated for six months before he “officially” asked me to be his girlfriend. He wasn’t a bad guy; his last girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend since 1st grade and he had trust issues. I still have no negative feelings towards him and I’m okay that he waited so long to make it official (we broke up for other reasons). We were monogamous, in love, without the official title. However, my best friend at the time made it her business to continuously pester me as to why he wasn’t my boyfriend, why we weren’t a real couple, etc. Literally she fixated on the fact that we hadn’t announced our exclusivity. we ended up having a falling out. Six years later, obviously I’ve broken up with him and I’m married to my someone different, we still don’t speak because I don’t trust her and the way she treated my relationship. And this is the girl I always thought would be my MOH. Just food for thought, I didn’t read any of the comments.