Francisco
Just Said Yes December 2021

i need to stop thinking about this silly little thing please help!

Francisco, on December 7, 2021 at 11:26 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14
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Hello everybody Smiley smile

My wedding is in two weeks and I have one maid of honor and one bridesmaid (my sister and my future sister in law).

they bought they're dresses in February and maybe because we posted them on insta, my future husband's cousin saw them and went and bough a very similar dress in a similar color... for another wedding...

Now she tells me she is wearing that dress to our wedding... my bridesmaid helped me and told her please do not wear that dress because its similar to ours and in the pictures/people are gonna think you are the maid of honor or part of the party because the dress is so similar!!

we offered to give her a gift card to buy a new dress , or to buy in amazon which she still has time and return... or we could give her another dress from us...She said she is not buying a new dress... and she will just not show up in family pictures... (acting really mature) And I just think its rude to tell this to the bride/bridal party... like why not cooperate? aren't people supposed to make the bride happy? anyway... even my fiancé is ashamed of this situation... my mom just says ignore her but how can I? it hurts me that I have done so much for her and she is disrespecting me like this.. any advice... out there?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on December 10, 2021 at 10:09 AM
  • Heather
    Rockstar November 2021
    Heather ·
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    Looks like she is trying to cause some drama or just wants the attention on her which is very rude. Because it is all about you guys! What if she low key wanted to be a bridesmaid and did this on purpose so she kind of feels like she is? Seems silly, but she might have done it because of that.

    To be honest, it seems like she really isn't going to change her mind.. If anything just let her do it as annoying as it is. Also, she won't be standing with you guys when you say I do is she? As long as she isn't standing next to you guys at the ceremony then she won't be in pictures. She'll be in the crowd with everyone else. And if people wonder or ask just simply tell them the truth. She went off to buy a similar dress, but no she is not a bridesmaid lol.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    Ugh. you know i didn't want that for my guests either. i tried asking guests to not wear the same colors as my bridal party and of course some people did. i mean i didn't really make a fuss about if they did cause at that point they are already there. but i 100% see where you are coming from - why is it that you HAVE to wear that color? it makes us seem like we are bridezillas. i don't really feel like that's that hard of a request to even comply to -.-

    well, do you think maybe she can wear a shawl or a jacket over it? that way it helps distinguish between everyone?

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  • Samantha
    Rockstar May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Sounds like she is the type of person that the more you ask her and get upset about it, the more she will want to do it. I'd just say, "Thats cool, wear whatever you like", and hopefully she will make the right choice

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  • Francisco
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Francisco ·
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    Thank you for your answer Heather! it really makes me feel heard and not like this is consuming me Smiley heart And you are right... she probably wanted to be a bridesmaid but it just wasn't in my budget Smiley ups ...And thank you because I didn't think about that part.... she won't be a part of the ceremony and that is what matters. Smiley heart

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  • Francisco
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Francisco ·
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    Yeeeessss!!!!!!

    Omg Samantha! sounds like you know her! hahahaha its funny because we are having a family only brunch the day after and she showed us the dress she is wearing to that and its like a deep V neck short above the knee dress... that we were all like Smiley ups uggghhh... seriously? for a brunch with grandmas and parents??? like we are not clubbing girl please... but yes! it's like she wants that attention?

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  • Francisco
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Francisco ·
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    Hi Melle Smiley heart

    Thank you for also making me feel heard and not a bridezilla! I love my fiancee and can't wait to marry him its all I really think about and this situations are just... like you said ugh...

    I should've put more information on the dress code in our invites.. maybe that would've avoided this uncomfortable situation. Thanks for the tip! but honestly... at this point all I wanna do is ignore/avoid/forget her.Smiley ups

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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like this person is being needlessly difficult. However, you cannot force someone to wear or not wear some thing, so I would just let it go. There’s no sense in stressing yourself out over the attire of a guest. When she is not standing at the altar with you, everyone will know she is not part of the wedding party. And even if someone did confuse her for a BM… does it really even matter? 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • Francisco
    Just Said Yes December 2021
    Francisco ·
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    Hi cece!

    Amazing I'm cece too!Smiley heart I know you are right and it doesn't matter. I feel like reading your comments really helping me put a closure to this.. I needed to vent a little more about it.

    I wish I could just forget about it! today I started planning our honeymoon and its helping take this out of my mind, looking back I know it seems insignificant! however there is a place in my heart that just hurts a little for su much I have done for her and so little she could've done for me... so being hurt from her its what I really need to move on from.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Some people are the type that do things their way or the highway and don’t care what anyone else thinks or who they upset. If they do upset someone, then bonus points in their book. While she is disrespectful, you have done all you can at this point to diffuse the situation short of having her removed by security or not inviting her. She will only make herself look bad so as much as it hurts and is frustrating that she won’t see the error of her words and actions, this is all on her at this point and your guests will see her as someone desperate for attention.
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  • Ashlee
    Expert September 2022
    Ashlee ·
    • Flag

    I'm petty sometimes so for this situation, if it were me, after asking politely and her refusing, I'd make a point to be like "I actually chose to switch the colors to ________ and the girls got their dresses switched" and see if she does that and then pretend to make a fuss if she does. Then on wedding day, the girls show up in the OG color and she's left in the new dress. But like I said, I can be petty.

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  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    She sounds like she needs to be the center of attention all the time so wants to look like she's part of the bridal party. People like that will not care what you want unfortunately. Don't sweat it. People will see that she's not part of the wedding and see what she's about. She'll end up looking foolish. Let it go and enjoy your day.
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  • S
    Savvy October 2019
    Stephanie ·
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    This exactly.. couldn't have said it better myself

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  • C
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Cassandra ·
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    I would just try to ignore it as best as you can! There are a lot of other things that need your attention, she is not one of them. You voiced your concerns and disappointment and that is all you can do. You will have tons of pictures with just your maid of honor and bridesmaid, so I bet everyone will be able to tell. Hope it all works out! & Congrats on your wedding!

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    Cousin is being SUPER RUDE and I honestly think you offering to buy her another dress is way above and beyond anything you should do.

    Assuming the rest of your husband's family is not as rude and entitled as this cousin, I would see if anyone else close to her (her parents/hubby's aunt and uncle, her siblings, other cousins) could be enlisted to pressure her into wearing something more appropriate to your wedding. FH probably understands the dynamic best, so it would be important to consider those relationships otherwise that plan could really backfire. In some families, I could see a child being mortified if their parents called them out on their horribleness and conceding when their mom points out what an awful brat they are being, but in other families the child might go full rebel mode and double down on being a stubborn, selfish, rotten individual.

    I mean in the end it doesn't really matter. One of our guests wore a white dress to my wedding; I noticed but it didn't change my day at all, and most of the other guests thought it was in such poor tastes. In the end, my day was the same as it would have been had she worn a more appropriate outfit and any negative judgement went in her direction, not mine.

    Your maids will stand out because they'll be by your side, they'll have clear roles while getting ready and during the ceremony itself, and they'll be featured in your wedding party photos. Any "confusion" will be resolved as soon as the ceremony starts and the cousin is sitting by herself and not given VIP status for your wedding in any way.

    If you can't fix it, don't worry about it. Stressing about it only gives her power. You've made your feelings known, and gone out of your way to accomodate her getting a new dress. She refuses because she's a brat. It is what it is. Her being a brat is not a reflection of you or your ability to plan a beautiful wedding, nor does it have the power to dismantle your amazing day unless you focus on it and let it.

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