i need help 😫 what should i do.

I know you said they won’t resolve their problems by your wedding, but still 2023 is soooo far away and 2 years of you worrying about it is just going to make you miserable. So don’t think about it now. If they still don’t get along and you’re still friends with both of them, I’d still invite both but seat them at different tables so they won’t have to interact too much.

View Quoted Comment Oh yeah yes I know it's far away
And you're right it will make me miserable.

I had plans on separating then both at different tables. But basically my friend said she won't be there if she is there . There is a lot of history going on, so I don't know.
Like im basically stuck in the middle.

I don't think you can really fix a problem between two friends. They will make up or they won't. All you can do is be a friend to each and listen and support them. I wouldn't worry about or try to resolve anything specifically for your wedding, since that's not actually relevant to their friendship. In a couple years when you are actually close to your wedding day, then, if they are still fighting, you could privately ask each one to be civil for the day, but that's it.

View Quoted Comment So true. !!

You’re not stuck in the middle—your friend threw you into the middle and shouldn’t use your wedding as a bargaining chip to get you involved in her argument. I would suggest staying out of it as much as possible (unless you were directly involved in the incident). When it comes invite time, invite both and if one of them decides not to attend, that’s on her.

Invite them both and tell them you expect them to behave like civilized adults while at your wedding. If you don't think they are capable of doing that, don't invite either, and tell them you don't want to be put in the middle.

View Quoted Comment Thank you.


And no I'm not directly in the argument. It's just a lot going on .
And you're so right.

View Quoted Comment That's a good idea !!
Yeah I do Not wanna be in the middle.

But my one friend already told me that she wouldn't come if the other girl is there.
It's a bunch of crap going on .I have cried sooooo many times this past week 😢 I'm so over it and I'm drained . 😪

View Quoted Comment

If they can't share the same space for a few hours, then there are much bigger problems with their maturity. I would do my best to ignore the argument for now, if one of them brings it up, shut her down - it's not your business, you don't want to talk about it, etc.

If, in two years, they still feel the same way, then you invite them both, and if one or the other doesn't show, then they've shown you who they are - unfortunate, but true.

As a side note - how old are these ladies?

View Quoted Comment I totally agree


These ladies are in their 30s ! Old enough

View Quoted Comment

One might even say too old. This feels extremely high school . . .

View Quoted Comment It's definitely high school stuff.


:/

Keep yourself and the wedding out of it. Distance yourself as much as you can from the drama. Your wedding isn't for a long long time, hopefully things will change. Don't let anyone emotionally manipulate you. If people threaten not to come just say something like "well my wedding is really far away, I'm not even thinking about a guest list yet". If they persist, then throw the choice back at them with "that's your choice for sure. No hard feelings here, you'll be missed". Then just leave it at that.

View Quoted Comment You're sooooo right.

If either one states they won't be there because of the other that is their loss. That they can't be adults and put their differences aside for you that just is not a true friend. My FH has that problem in his family and we both agreed all were invited and if one or all do not come because of someone else that is something they will have to deal with and not us. Life is too short for that kind of stuff in my opinion. It is hard to be the bigger person and adult (I had to deal with my future step sons mother for a few years when she made life difficult, and I didn't always want to show up), but for events like these it saddens me that it happens. I hope for your sake because the wedding is not for a couple years they would come together for you. Or you choose now to not have them involved at all so it does not cause you this kind of pain or stress. I hope it does!

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for the kind words.
I really hope the one can just set aside everything just for one day for me.

Like it really saddens me bc I been friends with one of over 20+ years and seeing her saying " oh well if she is there , I'm not coming"It just hurts.

Invite them both and let them work out who comes and who doesnt. If they cause drama on the day, then they will be asked to leave, and they didn't really value your friendship to begin with

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for the advice 🙏 and you're so right.