HUsbands on Night Shift girls???? VENT!!!

He needs to get a new job. I used to work weekends and that nearly killed our relationship. As much as I loved the job I quit and figured out a plan B. I had to change careers but we're better off for it.

Why wont be just cuddle with you until you fall asleep and than he can get back up since he isnt tired? My FH works 2nd shift so he dosent get home till midnight. If im not in bed already he will usually lay with me for a while and than once I fall asleep go eat and shower. FH works overnight occacionally too but I hate it. I sleep horribly when he is not there!

He is a firefighter, growing up with a father as a FF that is not something you can ask a FF to do its in their blood. Its who is he, a FF and EMT. He helps others, I can't ask him to change his job.

Erin- I sleep awful, I was robbed at gun point so I always fear the worst now, thank god for our dog!! I have asked him to cuddle with me until I fall asleep, he always has an excuse, he plays XBOX so much I am close to throwing it out. I prob sound like he is an awful person, he isn't I am just so lost and sad.

My FH works nights as well. 7p-7a...He works at a hospital on Telemetry. I knew going into the relationship that his schedule was like that. What we do though, on his days off, we make the effort to be together. At night, we go to bed together, if he can't sleep, he gets back up. It's worked for us since the beginning, why fix something that isn't broke lol

I wish I could get him to go to bed with me. It seems like he just doesn't even want to be close. I know I have gained weight since the wedding, so has he. But I try and do simple meaningful things for him to remind him I love him and I just feel like I get nothing back, meaning cuddling, going on dates. First year of marriage your still in the honeymoon stage and we aren't....I can't even remember the last time we were intimate.

Dont feel bad, my finace has no sex drive at all..when we were dating he was always laying next to me..and I'd fondle him etc..but the stress of the move, my daughter and I moved in back in June, and the wedding planning..etc..his sex drive is almost elite lol...i'm not in the mood much myself..but it would be nice to have alittle fun..he keeps telling me on the wedding night..HA..I told him he better step it up or he'll end up single

I agree with Erin F. If he'd be willing to lay with you until you fall asleep then get up later, it could be a decent compromise. FH is a police officer and I'm a nurse...we often (ok, pretty much always since I've transferred units) work opposite shifts and this is exactly how we get by. FH is also kind enough to reserve his ps3 playing for when I'm at work or sleeping haha. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind playing some games with him, but I suuuck at the first person shooter games he really really likes lol. Tell him how you're feeling, he might not even realize it bothers you so much.

My husband is a FF also except he works 24 hr shifts. So I sleep alone every other day. Well sort of, our son sleeps with me when dad is at work so "he can take care of me".

What you said is a 12 hr shift...is he every other day or two on three off? either way, he should have days off in the middle of your work week. when we hit dry spells, I just try to at least cuddle on the couch with him. Sometimes (ugh ok a lot of the time) I try to stay up as long as FH, but end up falling asleep on the couch or in the chair with him. May not be cuddling in bed together, but maybe you could sit by each other on the couch while he is playing xbox. And who knows, maybe it would lead to more?

Have you considered look for a job that may put you on a similar schedule? (Working off the assumption you have no children, yet.) There are lots of jobs out there that have a hard time filling that graveyard shift because it's such an undesirable schedule.

You could always adjust your sleep schedule, too. Not ideal, but it works.

My DH works nights (10pm-6:30am or 12am-8:30) and I work swing (2:30pm-11pm). I usually stay up at night, go to sleep around 3/4am. Then when DH gets home, he comes to bed, we sleep together for a bit, then I get up. Our 10 week old is on the same sleep schedule, lol.

On DH's days off, he doesn't go to bed after work, he stays up all day, then we both go to bed together.

Has he always worked this shift? It doesn't sound like a new thing, and you definitely can't ask him to get another job (although he could see about different hours). You guys just need to work something out and compromise. It'll work.

I am so glad you have posted this Christine. I totally feel for you. I have worked overnights for five years (9pm-7am) and it can sure zaps the life out of an intimate rel'p. ugh. I think partly (i'm no doctor but speaking from experience) overnights do crazy things to your body-including your libido. I find the only time I have any interest is when I'm off nights for a while which is rare.
I know a few people have mentioned this but I echo the idea that it can help to go to bed together, even if he just lays with you til you fall asleep. I'm sorry to hear he won't compromise on this. Sometimes I'll bring a book or my ipad into bed while FH sleeps (after cuddling first) so that at least we are close physically.
Another thing FH and I have found helps is having dinner together each night before I leave for work and when he gets home. Tv off, no distractions. Is this possible for you guys?

I work 4 nights a week 10p-8a.... FH is a manager so his shift changes every week which works out awesome because when he works night shifts we get to ride to work together since our jobs are close to each other. But the three nights that I'm off we make sure we cuddle as much as we can! I'm not one for sleeping during the day so we do have lots of time together & to be with our kids

My FH also works nights and I always go to bed alone. I actually don't mind it only because I'm a light sleeper and if he comes to lay with me ill wake up and wont be able to go back to sleep. Since your schedules are very different you need to talk to him about being intimate again. I know stress and being tired has alot to do with things but being intimate is a great stress reliever! You both need to talk and work out a schedule cuz you know what they say you if you don't use it you lose it lol. But this is something you seriously need to talk to your husband about.

My FH just started working again 3pm-3am and it is rough. He was working 3-12 for 2 years prior to this new job. I got used to being home with the kids alone during the week. We litterally only saw eachother on the weekends. But after being spoiled by having him home for 4 months, it is taking some getting used to to get back into the routine. He's gone when I get home from work, and I am in a coma by the time he gets home. I will say this though, you make the time whenever you can. This weekend will be his first weekend with the new job and I had plans to spend Saturday with a girlfriend, before I knew he would be working all week. I am cancelling my plans, so we can spend the weekend as a family. I feel like a bad friend, but I need to be a better "almost wife" than friend.

I know with FH when we need to talk about things that will annoy him, it is all in the delivery and timing. Try catching him at a good moment, make him a good meal, and tell him you miss him.

I used to work night shift as a nurse. I quickly realized my relationship was not going to work if I continued. Simple as that.It was an easy choice between the job and my relationship with my then FH. DH works 9-5 and will always work 9-5.

Is there a chance for a schedule change as he moves up?

DH works 10pm-6am Sunday thru Thursday nights and I work 8am-4pm Monday thru Friday. It sometimes gets to me sleeping by myself but I try to go to bed shortly after he leaves for work and he's home by the time I wake up in the morning. He basically sleeps while I am at work and I sleep when he's at work. We get to see each other from about 4pm until 9pm so its nice.

DH used to work 2nd shift and that sucked a lot! He worked 2pm-11pm and I never saw him ever. He had to work Friday nights so we could never make plans with friends. I am so glad he switched jobs!

FH works 2nd shift at GM right now and his hours are 4:30pm to 1am thru 4am he works as much overtime as he can get. My hours are 7am to 5:30pm 4 days a week and he works 5 days sometimes 6 days so he is gone when I get home and he comes home when I am in bed. The weekends we try to spend as much time together as possible with also hanging out with friends cause neither of us want to be in our house anymore on the weekends. When I go to bed on the weekends if I ask him to he will come in the bedroom and lay with me (he will have the tv on though) until I fall asleep.

Haha....are you sure you're not talking about my FH? He's a cop and has a rotating 2 day/2 night schedule Tuesdays through Saturdays so two weeks out of each month he works tuesdays-saturdays 6p-3a. There's pros and cons for sure but his rotating day/night schedule works for us. We both have time for ourselves and then we get to spend the next two weeks with each other. As for how it affects us as a couple, it doesn't. When he comes in from work he's usually wired so he plays xbox (think of yourself coming home from your 9-5 job...you don't go to sleep right when you get home), they need time to decompress and hang out. When he's switching from nights to days he does what other ladies say and he lays with me and watches tv until I fall asleep and then he goes out into the living room until he's tired enough to sleep. It works.

The best thing you can always do your best to explain to him how you're feeling.