Husband a groomsman but I’m not invited?

I would tell him to polite decline the invitation because you guys are a package deal, and giving the previous history either both were invited or none. I wouldn't go because I like to be personally invited to things.

Definitely agree

Your husband rocks! Is it immature to back out? No, because the bride and groom have ABSOLUTELY disrespected you and your marriage. His obligation is to you first, not to his groomsmen commitment.

The friendship ending move is the fact that this couple dishonored him by excluding his wife....at an event that celebrates marriage. It's is not reducing drama by pretending the WIFE does not exist, in fact, it's just adding to the drama itself.

Wow, very classless behavior on the bride and groom's part! It's very poor taste to not invite someone's spouse to a wedding. If you were just his girlfriend it would be one thing, but you guys are family! I honestly think your husband is perfectly within rights to back out. If his friend doesn't care enough about him to allow him to bring his WIFE as a date, I don't think that's much of a friendship. Did that couple come to your wedding when you got married?

It's literally insane they planned on having your husband be a groomsmen and not invite you. SO RUDE! I honestly think if someone did that to me or my fiance, we would just opt not to go at all.

That couple is 150% in the wrong and you and your husband are both handling it well. However, it's not easy ending a friendship and I don't think it's fair to your husband if he backs out. I would travel with him and kill them with kindness.

I once had a weird situation like this with FH's best friend and his SO (although there wasn't a wedding involved). Despite being incredibly hurt by them, I really didn't want to be the person getting between FH and his best friend of 20 years. It was so hard, but I am really glad I was able to control myself through the situation, as things really turned around after some time.

Chances are your FH's ex probably finds it strange too. I have a lot of sympathy for you having to deal with these people, but I would really think hard before ending the friendship.

Wow, that is incredibly rude in my opinion. I have a similar situation in my wedding (bridal party exes, etc), but I would NEVER in a million years do something like that. I understand what you are saying that you don't want him to back out this close, but they could have at least approached him with their thoughts and feelings and given him the opportunity to explain that it is important to him to have you there. I would have to agree with your husband in this case....

Oh, heck no. He definitely needs to back out of the wedding. That's completely unacceptable.
I wouldn't even worry about the mature thing. Maturity went out the window when they chose not to write your name on the invitation.

Since this thread is from last summer, and it doesn't look like the OP ever came back to reply to any comments anyway, I'm just commenting to add my thoughts to a now theoretical discussion.

As a former clueless groom who at one point thought it was okay to invite a married person without their spouse if I barely knew the spouse, I'd be willing to give this groom the benefit of the doubt that he just doesn't have a clue, as the OP's husband originally thought. The bride, on the other hand, is a different story. She obviously sided with the "crazy ex" bridesmaid, and probably only reluctantly allowed the groom to let the OP's husband be a groomsman. Based on the groom's "Oh, I guess she can come if she wants" text response, I'd say he's pretty detached from the overall situation, and doesn't really care one way or the other if the OP attends. It sounds like he's letting other people (i.e. the bride) handle all of these decisions.

If I were responding back when the thread was new, my advice (and I'm frankly surprised no one else even mentioned this idea) would've been for the OP's husband to talk to the groom about his feelings regarding the OP not being invited, instead of just backing out without giving them a chance to make things right. For all we know, the groom might've been willing to apologize and extend a formal invitation to the OP if he really understood how rude it was to not invite her. The OP certainly would've been free to either go or not go, because after all, it still would've been an awkward situation knowing that somebody (i.e. the bride and the crazy ex) didn't want her there. But if the OP chose, understandably, to not go, and the OP's husband, also understandably, did not want to go to the wedding without her, then at least he'd have had the chance to communicate his reasons for backing out to the groom, without ending their friendship.

This sounds like a boatload of drama waiting to happen. If your husband is okay backing out, I'd do it and just stay home. You'll both probably be a lot happier. Granted, this will probably affect his friendship, but it sounds like his friend doesn't really respect you anyway, so is that someone your husband wants to maintain a friendship with?