Husband a groomsman but I’m not invited?

Good for your husband!!! Give that guy a big hug and kiss. He's exactly right in that if you don't go, he won't go. How incredibly rude of his friend and the friend's fiance. I'd go to the wedding and show everyone how happy you and your husband are. Just shove it in their faces. Petty? Yes, but to have had absolutely no intention of inviting you is rude on their part.

THIS completely! How incredibly rude of them. He should absolutely not attend this wedding, they are being so disrespectful to him and you. WOW.

He should drop out. He shouldn't spend his time and money traveling for, and attending, a celebration of their marriage when they have no respect for his.

To be honest, I understand the bride/groom's point of view as to why they didn't invite you to the wedding in the first place ... but I'm going to go against my own beliefs and say they were in the wrong. The groom asked your husband to be a groomsman even knowing his ex is also in the bridal party (I assume). The least he could do to make your husband more comfortable is to invite you. It especially strikes a chord with me that they did not invite you but when 'confronted' via text all of a sudden it's "okay if she wants to come???" *eyeroll*

I feel more annoyed by the situation than hurt so I'm sorry I can't relate my feelings to yours :\ If I were you, I'd leave it up to my husband because it's his friend. Does HE still want to go to the wedding? If so, I'd just attend and try to act normal. "Kill them with kindness" as someone else mentioned in the comments. But, I'd bring up to my husband that it's maybe worth discussing with the groom why you weren't invited in the first place -- because it seems like it's a personal problem. If your husband doesn't want to attend, that's fine too! But he should be ready to possibly lose that friendship (I assume the groom wouldn't 'understand' why your husband would back out last minute ... which is a red flag)

He should NOT back out unless he wants to end his friendship. Like, this WILL be a friendship ending move and I'm not sure why everyone is so casual about that. And it is an awkward situation when ex's are involved so I get where they might have wanted to reduce drama if possible it being the brides best friend. Yes, I would have invited both if I was in that scenario as a bride, BUT we see brides DAILY on this forum asking about these situations, so it isn't a shock that it happens. And, maybe she was a crazy ex, but also, it is amazing how many people become the 'crazy ex' in bad breakups even though there is bad on both sides. I'm the 'crazy ex' to my college boyfriend, and from his side of the tale I am, but from my side, he is the crazy one.

Also, a guy texting back 'I guess she can come if she wants', I wouldn't take offense to. Do you know how this person normally communicates? My FH best friend says stuff like that all the time, but he doesn't mean it in a hurtful or like I'm an afterthought kind of way, he just means it at face value. It took me a while to realize he wasn't being rude and excluding me.

I think ultimately you should follow your husbands lead on how he would like things to play out.

To play devil's advocate: It's generally etiquette to invite significant others, and always if they are married but maybe this is a small wedding and no one has that option, not just you? Or maybe they were misguided and trying to be mindful of the cost of traveling cross country?

As for what my FH would decide: likely that the friendship doesn't warrant him in the wedding given their immaturity/lack of respect....but if it did and it was important to him, I would not want to be where I was not invited (or spend the money to travel, frankly) so I would sit it out while he went.