Hurt feelings: Not a bridesmaid & looking for advice

Honestly, because you live out of state, she probably had decide if it was cost effective to have you in the bridal party. She wants you there, she wants you to be a part of everything but doesn't want the cost of going back and forth to pile up on you, especially if you have to take time off. And personally I think you are being a bit sensitive over all this.

Don't be upset- lots of people pick bridesmaid due to family obligations,etc. and don't count out people she may not have seen recently as my closest HS friends are my BM and I see them 2-3x per year. However his does not reduce the intensity of our bond. She's a great friend to you so support her, save your $$ and have a great time!

OP I'm glad you're feeling better!

I had a friend not ask me to be a BM when I really thought she would. She had even made comments in the past - my ex is a good friend of her now husband, and he was a groomsman. She mentioned a few times back then that he'd just have to be cool with me being in the wedding too.

Then they got engaged, planned the wedding, and she never asked. I never brought it up, but I was a little hurt if I'm being honest.

At her wedding reception, she was drunk and came to give me a hug and said, "I really wanted to ask you to be a BM, but I figured you couldn't afford it." I didn't even know how to respond to that!

Her and I are still friends, but not as close as we were like 10 or so years ago. Not cause of the BM thing, we just drifted apart. So maybe it's just as well I wasn't in it.

OP, I'm glad you're not upset anymore. I've never liked being a BM but it stinks when you're not asked. It's nice she invited you to get pedicures with them, enjoy that time with her!

Awww Sydney, she's being awesome! You have a really special role here! Seriously please take it as the honour that the bride intended. This is an honour meant for you. Please take it as she likely intended. Go ahead and enjoy the day with her, and take it for how she meant it. I hope you have a great time with her.

I was in the same situation 2 years ago. I thought for sure I would be a bridesmaid but in the end she opted for her 2 college roommates and her younger sister. She said she did not want an uneven BP. It's funny because her MOH and BM flaked on many different aspect so I became an unofficial BM helping her along the way. The day of the wedding, I came as a guest. She asked me later why I had not come to her chambers and gotten ready with them. I felt like it was not my place since I really was not in the BP. Just do you. There is no point in asking her why or confronting her with this. At least you'll be listed on the program

Dude. Let it go. She offered to include you in all the festivities, you don't have to buy a shitty matching dress, and it sounds like she was being super considerate by letting you know you didn't absolutely have to go to the rehearsal. I would be thrilled to be in your position.

FH only wanted to have a MOH and BM. Neither of us have sisters, so I had to choose just one friend to include. I've invited a couple of other close friends to come with us to get nails done and "do girl stuff" the day before (also my SIL and FH's SIL), because I love these people and want them to feel included even though they aren't part of the WP. I'm sure that's what your friend felt when she invited you! Her saying you don't have to come is her way of nicely saying if you don't want to spend the money on hotel/nails/etc. she understands and won't be upset. If she didn't want you there she wouldn't have invited you.

I go with ur first reply. Just go. U live out of state and that's a bit complicating. Just go. U know her enough to just hang out and u should.

Talk to her. My close friend moved 2 hours away, met her FH n w got married in less than 2 years. She only had new friends from her location in the BP. This rubbed me n another childhood friend they wrong way. She lost that friend. I never told her how I felt, as I figured she had enough going on. A few months later, said explained that she only had 1 more spot left n couldn't choose between us childhood friends n just picked another local friend n regretted it. That was over 15 yes ago...she's still a dear friend but the other friendship is over.

I think you need to look at it from another angle. Out of all relatives and childhood individuals, she chose you. You are the ONLY person in her recent life she chose to be a part of her day in some meaningful way.

As for the day before, she is telling you the truth and is still inviting you but not putting any pressure but would still like for you to attend.

If you can appreciate the other way around, you should see that you are very special to her and she asked no one else.

At the end, it's difficult if the relationships are not 100% equal but that is life and she still considers you close enough to involve you in the day of.

I've been on both sides of this! I had a friend since childhood who was a bridesmaid in my first wedding that did not have me in hers. I was really hurt until the wedding when I saw the only bridesmaids were her two SILs and her very best friend. I decided just to be happy for her and celebrate! Also, with my first marriage, I had a cousin I wanted to include badly. I didn't though because she told me soon after my engagement that if she was not the MOH she wouldn't be in it. I wasn't changing my MOH picks so in the end she did a reading. It is so hard to include everyone and not hurt feelings on top of standard wedding stress! Enjoy your pedicure and your visit with her!!

I understand you're hurt, I really do. I thought one of my best friends from college would have asked me, but chose her FSIL out of obligation, cousin, and bff since middle school. She did not want a huge wedding party and as she explained it, if she asked me she would also have to ask 4 other people so as not to hurt feelings, so she left college friends out of the BP.

Asking friends to do readings is a pretty common suggestion on here as an alternative to having someone in the BP, and it is thoughtful of her to ask you if you would like to come get your nails done, but that she understands you can't just take vacation days left and right if it doesn't work for your schedule. I read that as she trying not to pressure you to come since it's not necessary for you to be there if it means extra expenses for you.

I think that if it would make you feel better, tell your friend how you feel to clear the air but not to make her feel bad. If you can, have a night out just the 2 of you, but if not a heart to heart phone call may be your best option rather than texting her about this.

I understand your hurt. I would be hurt too. But, please don't take it personally! It really sounds like she's trying to have you participate in the wedding. Her giving you the option to come means she wants you there, but doesn't want you to feel pressured. I don't suggest talking to her about it, you'll probably make her feel bad and end up making yourself embarrassed.

I promise you, being a BM is not as glamorous as you think. I was a BM to a college friend about 7 years ago. I was not financially prepared for what it entailed and I wish I had just said no. But, because I had this illusion of how prestigious the position was, I kept it and our relationship suffered because I felt guilty that I couldn't be the perfect BM. Just saying, I promise it's not as glamorous as you think it is now.

Brush it off, be a supportive friend, and enjoy being a guest at the wedding.