How Would You Respond - Parents Not Attending Wedding

That's really sad . I'd say yes , it will impact your relationship but I don't think you should stop paying the bill as long as you can afford to . There's a chance my mom won't come to my wedding because my Fh is a musician (petty , I know ) .focus on you and your Fh love at the end of the day that's all that matters!

@Melissa - thanks for your comments. No we haven't considered counselling. I don't believe FH is having a troubled time dealing with it from what I can tell but I won't truly know until it's all said and done. He's also in the same frame of mind that the relationship may be over from this and doesn't seem to be hurting from it.

But I need to be there for him and help him through this and talk with him with his feelings. He's never one to hide his thoughts and feelings from me.

In the back of his mind, this scenario has always been a possibility because he knew all his life what his parents thought about homosexuality.

@Baletica - you know what you are right, I have a feeling they see me as a roommate and now a spouse. I mean when they finally met me it was "real" to them. And now that we are going to be married it is really hitting home and they can only deal by closing up.

The others have said it all so well, so I won't repeat the same thing. But I am so, so sorry. Gay rights have always been my thing and your future in laws' mindset drives me up the wall. I'm so, so sorry.

I feel for you and your FS OP. I agree 100% with @Lex & @Kristin

My MIL & FIL did not attend our wedding. At first I was upset, confused, lost, etc. I couldn't put my finger around the reasoning why. MIL gave DH multiple reasons/excuses why that I eventually did not care anymore because they were so ridiculous. She is a hand full, but she does love me and DH. After 3 weeks in China, visiting family and friends I realized it has nothing to do with me or DH, but with her, MIL. She has tainted relationships with her brother and sisters, never asked us to not invite them. In fact got us their home addresses, so we can send them invites. Anyways, long story short, DH and I had some long talks and came to the realization that our wedding will be amazing with or without his parents. Our wedding will be about US and those that do attend will be there to support US during this next special moment in our lives. We decided together to focus on the positive, so we can continue to enjoy the process and days leading up to OUR wedding. Also, take into consideration that whatever you are feeling, it is hitting your FS a lot more because they are in fact his parents. Be supportive, let him know that you know how he is feeling and make a choice to focus on the positive together and most importantly enjoy YOUR day! It will be beautiful as long as you and your FS is there.

ETA: Clarity; and stop paying those bills. I wouldn't threaten that, I would just STOP paying them

So my parents nor my brother is attending my wedding I can't tell you why because I have no clue. This has had a huge impact on your relationship to the point where I or FH don't even want one with them. At first I was completely broken but now I'm at the point where I just have to say fuck it and move forward because at the end of the day FH and I are getting married and staring our own family and that's all that matters. They are choosing not to come so that's their loss it's not going to ruin my day. It took me awhile to get to this point of thinking though. I wish all the best to you and I hope you can find a resolution soon!

I am so sorry! I agree with everyone else. I think this will hurt the relationship with his parents but that is their choice not yalls. I also agree with others than you need to stop paying for their bills. I would just be like "bye Felicia your loss". Maybe down the road they will regret it. I wish you luck and a life filled with love!

I also agree with what @FutureMrsEckley has said.

"At first I was completely broken but now I'm at the point where I just have to say fuck it and move forward because at the end of the day FH and I are getting married and staring our own family and that's all that matters."

and

"It took me awhile to get to this point of thinking though."

It does take time. Your emotions and feeling are valid and 100% normal, but its up to you two to make a choice to move forward; and when you do a huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders and you'll both be much happier. Good luck OP!

Thanks everyone.

It will be brought up sooner than later anyways as FH says he will still try to convince them to attend. So until he gives up then this will linger. We have 1 month before the wedding.

Everyone has said so much of what I wanted to say. I just also wanted to say I am sorry, it's very hurtful.

First of all: screw that. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this ugliness around the wedding.

Their son has been out long enough to have found a future husband; that is plenty long enough for them to get their tantrum out of the way. Here is what I would do: make it 100% clear that the ball in in their court. You can't force them to attend, but you can be crystal clear that they have a choice here and choices have consequences. If they show up and support you two the way parents of a groom ought to, things will continue on as they are. But if they choose to publicly spurn you it's over. No more financial support. No more cooking together. Over and done with.

That is what I would do if I were in your FH's shoes. I would not want a relationship with anyone who would boycott my wedding due to their own homophobic BS. They can either get on board or GTFO. And by making the terms clear ahead of time, the choice is fully on them. It keeps him from ever feeling or appearing to be the "mean" one. THEY are the engineers of a potential rift if they know the stakes and they still don't do the right thing.

The way I see it, when one of the parents don't come to the wedding, it is not because they do not love their child or their child's future spouse. They may just not agree to the marriage. Yes, it may harm relationship, but that does not mean that they will not be loving to you. It would devastate me if my parents chose not to be a part of my wedding. But in the end, if I didn't support a marriage, I would not go to the wedding. I'm sorry you guys are going through this, but they do have a right to have their opinions just the same as you.

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with this.

Please stop paying their bills, and please feel freer to ask the siblings for some support.

@emsker, WHY would a parent "not agree to the marriage"? It's not their call. If the child is happy that's what counts. If you don't love me enough to embrace my choice of partner who makes me happy then you don't truly love me. #sorrynotsorry

@StPaulGal loving someone does not mean that you agree with every choice they make. If you choose to remove everyone from your life that doesn't agree with your decisions, then that's cool, whatever. But I know people (including my own parents) who haven't gone to some of their children's weddings. My parents have a great relationship with all of us, including the one whose wedding they didn't go to. Despite not going to the wedding, they love my brother and his wife just as much as they love the rest of us.

I'm so sorry VC. This totally sucks Family stuff is always so much more difficult, because it is harder to cut them out of your life!

I wish your fiance's siblings were being a little more supportive here. It would be nice to have a 3rd party cut to the heart of the issue and say "hey mom and dad - what is more important to you: making a "stand" on same sex marriage, or supporting your child and sharing in their celebration that they found the love of their life and life partner?"

In the end - you'll want to be surrounded by people who fully love, support, and accept both of you on your wedding day. Focus on those awesome family members and friends and do everything you can to emotionally support your FH!

Let them know that you will stop paying their bills. This is the LAST MONTH. Call the company and have all the bills you pay transferred into their name, or cancel them and have his parents start their own accounts.

I would be devastated if my parents did not attend my wedding. Personally I do not think there is any way to come out of this with the relationship intact. I don't think there is any coming back from that. I am so sorry that your FH is going through this!

I too would be hurt. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

I am so sorry you both are going through this. I would be very hurt if either side refused to attend. I would stop paying their bill. I hope things work out. You are in the right I agree with previous posts.

At a minimum stop paying their bills