How Would You Respond - Parents Not Attending Wedding

I will also say that his siblings are not helping at all. They just say "you know you can't force them to come..." which shocks me because my siblings have been NOTHING but supportive and even talks to my parents about these things.

When I first came out my sister was the first one to back me up and talk to my parents.

We have my FH's relatives coming from outside the Province and Country to attend and as in my culture; if you don't show up to something like this, you lose "FACE" and the fact that they are willing to do this means that they are either really against it enough to side with their personal feelings over their own son's for just one day. He even said "you don't have to attend the ceremony, just reception".

I guess we will see if he can find a way to convince them...

I'd be very upset if either side refused to attend, especially for such an ignorant reason. You're completely in the right, and I'd definitely stop paying that bill!

I completely agree with Bemyguest I'd be upset if a parent couldn't come no matter the reason, but for such an ignorant horrible reason I can't even imagine. I would definitely stop paying their bill. If they cannot emotionally support the union you don't have to financially support them.

Wtf? "Sorry, we are against your gay wedding but, hey, did you pay our cable bill this month??" CUT THEM OFF!

If my parents didn't attend I'd be very hurt & very disappointed in them. If you're happy they should put all bad feelings aside & be there for both of you. I think it's sad that parents can actually not attend just because of same sex marriage. I have a gay brother in law (future BIL) and sometimes his family treats him different. He's become a lot closer to my family over the years....which is great but I still can't understand why his own family would make him feel a certain way. Anyways, go get married & have the time of your life. If certain people don't want to be there then hey, you don't need them there. All that matters is you & FH husband to get to celebrate with people who are celebrating for your happiness. Xoxo

Be glad they are not there to bring the drama. I really wish my FIL would not come to the wedding. They think we are spending to much money. Yet still want us to put them in one of the rental homes. They also do not like the people we have invited to the wedding. Their own brothers and sisters. We were told if they are there and they come they are leaving. I have already told one of their friends we were going to let stay in one of the homes that occupancy no longer permits because they will be there to gossip and post pictures all over the internet. I wish people would just enjoy life and let go off all the things making them miserable!

I can't imagine how hurtful that must be for both you and FH. I think you are completely justified in your feelings. It might be worth FH explaining to them how their not attending and supporting your marriage will impact his relationship with them. But I would definitely stop paying their bills!

@Melissa - they were sort of in denial that their son was "gay" but it was REAL when his siblings spoke to them and said "you know he is and won't change".

They were hesitant to meet me and the sweet "mom" barely said anything.

I think deep down they don't DISLIKE me but they just don't support our life together.

When we told them they were engaged his father said "you guys are already living together, why get married and make it an event" along those lines.

They have never said any of this to me or in front of me, just to my FH.

They have always been nice to my face and I have always been nice as well. We invite their family over for dinner too and cook and I help at their home when we do visit.

But a wedding is a different beast altogether, I don't know how I will see them going forward and I don't know how my FH will go forward with his parents if they do not attend.

I think that any kind of finical support needs to be cut off. You are good enough to pay their bills but your not good enough for them to attend your wedding. If for some reason they don't support your marriage than that's on them. It has nothing to do with the love and relationship you have with your FH. It's so sad in this day and age for anyone to hold any kind of discrimination.

Pretty sure that relationship would end up being a "holiday" family. You see each other on the holidays and that's it. This will be their loss

Oh and BTW: I don't think they expect us to pay the bills, it's something FH wants to do. I will be pushing or at least see how he feels about it to stop paying the bills. I would feel strongly about it and this may make him also want to do it.

And yes I agree, I told my mom and other people, if people don't want to attend, DON'T COME, I don't want people to be there with a sour face etc.

His parents are a lot older and so "old school" and to be honest a little less educated. My parents are not as old but also a bit less educated but I think over time they just integrated better and can reason that it's better to have a relationship with their son than to have none at all.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you! Drive all your energy into thinking about all the great people who ARE coming to celebrate your love, and just hold strong with your FH. I don't know what I would do, but as long as you two are a united front you'll get through it and will show such maturity and strength. I wish you a beautiful wedding!

My grandparents didn't come to my mothers second wedding (different reasoning) but it hurt her all the same. It's tough - but I'm sure there are plenty of people who will love and support you and your SO no matter what. The most important thing is you're marrying the person you love. Best wishes to you! Good luck. And I wouldn't pay for anything for them!!

I would insist on not paying their bills. It's marital money once you're married, and they don't support the marriage.

I do think your FH's siblings are right though, you can't force them to come. And who wants them there is they will be miserable?

We are in the exact same situation with my mom and FWs parents. They will not be attending the wedding after several conversations about how much this hurts us. Our mom's have always been our best friends but we have advised our relationship will not continue as normal if they do not come. Her mom had me over for Christmas and was very sweet but she classifies me more as her roommate and that cannot continue once I'm her wife. FW is my family now. Anyone that is not in support of that will ruin that relationship.

I've decided to write everyone a letter explaining exactly how I feel and what they can expect as of June 24 at 5:30pm. I know this is difficult. I catch myself thinking wedding then remembering my mom won't be there and it breaks my heart every time.

I also definitely would not be paying any bills. Period.

Your FH can only tell them how this is making him feel. It is then up to them to make the right move. I hope something changes in their hearts. But if not you both have plenty of people who love love and supports yours.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine. I too would feel very hurt, and take it as their indication that they did not want to be part of my life, because accepting my marriage is accepting my life and everything and everyone that comes with it.

I would have to agree with everyone else to stop paying their bills. I hope that you can find happiness on your wedding day celebrating with those who love you and support you both.

@Muffinbutton - you are 100% correct, we cannot force them. I think the challenge with FH is that even his own siblings are not even trying to do anything to convince them of attending. Their first utter when we tell them that the parents may not attend is "you cannot force them" and not "let's talk to them".

So it's more of the lack of support from his siblings on the issue. Especially since they are supposedly very "family oriented" people.

Agree if they are not supportive of you and FH, they should not be taking money from you in the form of bills.

And thank you all for your love and support.

We have plenty of friends and family attending and there have only been less than a few who are not attending and as far as I can tell, only his parents are not attending due to "this" reason. Others just cannot travel far away etc.

Part of me is already "over it" and just want to move on and get final head count (haha) but of course it is concerning how FH's relationship will be with not just his parents but siblings as well. I mean do we just not visit anymore? Do we not invite them over to our home anymore? Etc etc. Obviously things we would ratehr avoid and not have to deal with.

That sucks, and I'm sorry. I've had several of my SS couples who had zero support from one family (fortunately, the side that DID support them really picked up the slack, lol.....)

I would not be paying any more bills for them. For sure.

I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like his parents are pretty set in their ways, which is why no one is trying to convince them to come. I would try not to take that as his siblings being unsupportive.

I think you need to sit down with your FH and talk about your relationship (as a married couple) with his parents. I definitely wouldn't want to spend my holidays and special occasions with someone who refuses to accept my identity or support my relationship. But your FH may be in denial because he doesn't want to have to deal with his parents. He may also need some time to fully come to terms with things. My FH had issues with his mom (totally different issues tho) and it took him a couple months to come around and open up his anger and sadness about the situation.