How to un- invite a flower girl

Thanks all. I do agree and I really don't want to hurt her feelings. My feelings of being hurt and deff. from my step mom and you are all right. I shouldn't take it out on her. What exactly is a JR. BM?

We don't have programs or anything she can give out. so maybe the only way to include her is as a JR. BM, does she have to have the same dress as my other BM?

I have 2 Jr. BM's

they basically stand with the BM but usually wear a dress more appropriate to them or wear the same dress just in a different color.

When I was a jr bm years and years ago I was in the same dress as the other bridesmaids. But I've also seen them in more age conservative versions of the bridesmaid dresses. Most dresses will come in a jr size. If not you can find something similiar. They don really hav responsibilities other then to show up and be included. There to old to be a FG and to young to help in party planning, wedding planning, etc.

If they haven't returned your calls, I would explain that to them. Thirteen is old enough to remind her mother to call... I don't see anything wrong with a thirteen-year-old flower girl if it's someone close to you, but it is kinda weird when you're not close at all. So I think you should just explain the situation. There was plenty of time to return your calls, but now it is too last minute to get the flower girl stuff, so unfortunately she cannot be in your wedding.

The step-mother not returning your phone calls is one part of the story. Who knows, she may have had a perfectly legitimate reason.

But a 13-year old is going to be really crushed if she actually wanted to be in the wedding and now is going to be told she isn't. And the situation is usually confusing enough for the teenager that she really isn't going to think about returning the phone call, much less remind her mother of it.

Talk to your step sister and see what the situation is. There's plenty of time to handle the dress and the flowers, and whatever else needs to be handled.

I am confused on the JR BM thing. So she has the same flowers as the other girls, she can have a different dress. But then the wedding party is uneven, so who does she walk back with after the ceremony?

If you've not talked to the step sister, you have no idea is she is really excited about being in a wedding or not! She might feel this is being pushed upon her by her mother.

She wont need to walk back with anybody. Ive been to a wedding where one walked up and down the isle with one of the groomsman. But its very common now to have an uneven bridal party.

I think that you have to be the one to maintain the relationship with your thirteen year old sister. She is just a kid, and you can not hold that against her because her mom is not returning your phone calls. Talk to her directly and ask if she wants to be a JR BM. It is ok if she walks by herself. If she were a flower girl she would walk on her own.

Did you have a relationship with her when your dad was alive?

- She can walk back alone.

- One of the groomsman can walk with 2 BMs.

- You can ask somebody not in the wedding party to sit in the front row and walk her back after the ceremony.

@piper's Mom- I did not have a relationship with them when my dad was alive either. I since then have tried my hardest but my step sister doesn't have a phone and my step mom doesn't return my calls or texts so it's hard. I am going to try to talk to her and see what she would like to do.

Yeah, talking to your stepsister herself sounds like a good idea. Then you can find out if she really does want to be in your wedding and, if so, see if you can at least have a relationship with her, since it doesn't sound like you really have one with her mother. Maybe you can invite her out to lunch and talk to her or something?

Hope it all works out.

Yes, please don't risk hurting your step sister's feelings over a situation with her mom. Have her walk as a junior BM or just let her be the flower girl. I know you are hurt, and you should express this to your step-mom at some point, but I don't think it will cost you much to include your step-sister (in terms of money, effort, or anything else), it is a great opportunity to become closer to her, and she may be looking forward to it!

I spoke with my FH and we have decided we are going to talk to my step sister about being a jr bridesmaid. We don't want to hurt her. I can't lie though, my feelings are hurt. But you all are right. I'm not going to take it out on her. Thank you all for helping me with this. I'm not a mean person & always want to do the right things. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us.

I'm sending some positive thoughts and emotional support your way as you go through this!