How to un- invite a flower girl

If you don't have a relationship with her then you wont worry about hurting her feelings. I would just say we decided to not have a flower girl.

Agree with MJ.. Just tell her that you don't need a flower girl anymore.. We're they invited to the actually wedding.. Did they get a std yet?

Can you maybe redirect her duties? Let her pass out the programs or something?

Why not have more than one flower girl? I see it done all the time. Even though you are not close obviously they had made plans and are excited.

And how old is she? I couldn't imagine telling my 6yr old flower girl she wasn't going to be in the wedding anymore.

I agree with BloomMakeupArtistry and Micachoo... you did ask her to be a FG, just wondering why you don't want her in the wedding now? And if she's young it may hurt her feelings if she is really looking forward to it.

She is 13 years old. I haven't sent them a std yet because I was undecided on what to do. We don't have any flower girls at this point. I guess I just assumed since there was no communication over the past year that they decided not to. & now I'm in this weird position. I don't want to be rude or hurt anyone's feelings.

I guess it's not her personally that I don't want in the wedding. I guess just because we haven't spoken that I assumed they decided they wanted no part of it. I have already ordered our flowers and such. I guess I am hurt that she (my step mom) hasn't contacted me in over a year. I have made attempts to contact her and she never returns my calls. So I guess I just feel like you haven't spoken to me, so why do you want to share our day with us.

I asked her mother if she would like to be in it. I didn't actually ask her personally. But yes she was told about it a year ago.

Why not just say exactly that, but to her?

"I guess just because we haven't spoken that I assumed they decided they wanted no part of it. I have already ordered our flowers and such. I guess I am hurt that she (my step mom) hasn't contacted me in over a year. I have made attempts to contact her and she never returns my calls. So I guess I just feel like you haven't spoken to me, so why do you want to share our day with us."

I'd still see if you could plan a day to get together or even going out for dinner to see if you still have a relationship with them. I'd be pretty disappointed if I was told I was going to be a FG and then it was taken away from me and I wasn't invited to the wedding because there was a lack of communication. Maybe your step-mother was feeling overwhelmed with the loss of your father (not sure how long ago or how long they were married) so give her the benefit of a doubt. If plans don't work out with getting together then I think its acceptable to ask that she not be in the wedding but still invite them.

She didn't bother returning any of your calls? Remove that guilt and just tell her you went with other plans. It'll save her money, and you some awkwardness.

That's a bit old for a flower girl, isn't it? (I am not having one so I am not sure what's normal but I thought that they were usually really young girls)

If it's been a year, you could maybe say you all have switched up plans since you last spoke and no longer plan to have a big WP... If you've tried to call her, but she's not returned your calls, she doesn't necessarily know you weren't going to mention it sooner... (I'm not saying to lie about it but maybe she'll come to that on her own.)

13 is a little bit old for a flower girl. Does she want to be in the wedding is one thing too. When I was 13 my brother got married and I flat out told him NO.

Just let her know plans have changed since.

@Honey B- My dad passed away 5 years ago. I have since then tried to make a relationship with them for the sake of my step sister. I think I am going to just tell them the truth and my feelings on it.

Thank you all for your suggestions. Very much appreciated.

If its been that long & she has never attempted to maintain a relationship with you then I would just tell her the truth, that you hadn't heard back from them and you made other plans because this is a time sensitive matter but you appreciate the offer.

I think it seems a little rude that you just assumed they didnt think she was going to be apart of it anymore. Even if you don't speak like you should, why would they think otherwise if you havnt said anything to them about her not being in it. I don't think your step sister should be punished for her moms lack of communication. And at any age, you would be offended.

I agree with the other ladies that 13 is too old for a FG but she is the perfect age for a jr. Bridesmaids. Florists have to change orders around all of the time, it won't be an issue to add something in for her. And FG/ jr bridesmaid flowers are fairly inexpensive. My florist told me I had up to a week before to change anything.

@Abby W. - Well considering I have called her on several occassions and left her messages that she hasn't returned, what was I suppose to think?? I'm not sure how it is rude of me to assume that?

I agree that it may be rude to exclude her now, which is why I asked for everyone's opinion.

It's my thought that people who are in your bridal party are suppose to care about you and be a part of your life. If they aren't a part of my life and make no effort to contact me or return my calls, then obsiously they don't care about me, which is why I am having a difficult time. No, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, if I did then I would have already said something to her.

This would be my suggestion:

Tell your step-mom that you were hurt and confused as to why it's been a year without contact and that you have tried to get a hold of her but had no response. You and Fh have decided that it's best not to have a flower girl at the wedding.

If she would like she can be the greet-program lady, and she can greet the guest as they enter.

I would say that you hope there is no bad feelings between everyone however you figured since you haven't heard from them they decided not to be part of the wedding.

I wouldn't exclude her all together try to make it as though you still would like her to be part of the day (you did ask even though they should have been in contact with you)

Ok I'll re-word what I said. It was wrong to assume, not rude. I understand your frustration and get your point. I'd be fed up too. I'll apologize because I often don't read through before I post

But to answer your question about if it was rude.. It would be to exclude her. You were trying to contact her mom not your sisterr, and she can't help her moms actions. If you want to have some kind of relationship with your stepsister you should deffinately try to include her somehow.

Now if it your step mom in the wedding.. Then that'd be a different story.

I don't mean this to be rude, but it feels like your hurt from your stem mom is being put her daughter? Keep in mind it wasn't her daughter that didn't call back or didn't keep in contact. She is just a kid. Even if you decide not to have her as the fg, maybe take HER to lunch and talk to her about it? Offer to let her do something else? But just keep in mind that its the girl that is up for discussion, not the mom.

But I am sorry for the situation, it really sucks :/ And I would be really hurt as well.