How to tell my parents...?

And Heidi, I mean it when I say I feel you. My parents tried to take my car so I couldn't get to my job because they wanted me to rely on their financial support instead of being able to support myself. Trust me. Ride it out. I did and now I have a budgetless wedding to plan because they are so appreciative of my waiting.

Hmmm... out of the fat and into the frying pan? From a super controlling family to a future hubby who also dictates your happiness? Maybe learn to walk before you fly?

Let me say this....I was 18 thought I was madly in love...and married the man. Family was against it, told me to wait, if it was made to last a year or two would not matter. I wanted to be married, say I was married, to be grown up...well 2 years after we got married, I got divorced, and it took me 2.5 years to get divorced. Honesty if he is the one for you he will be there when you finish school. During your school years, bring him to family functions let your parents get to know them and they will give you the blessing when the time comes. Also, at 18, 20 , 25 you think your parents are against you. All they do is yell, tell you what to do, when to do it, expect things from you...thats how you re supposed to think as honestly the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25. I am sure your parents have faults, do things that you may not agree with, but no child comes with a manual that explains how they are to be raised and which punishments work the best. Obviously they can't be that horrible as they are still paying for everything and you are going to school. I know many people who when they turned 18 they were cut off from their parents financially and made to move out and pay for their own schooling. Another thing....the first 6-12 months are the honeymoon stage of a relationship where everyone is on their best behavior, everything is new, and you both want to make the other one happy and place your own wants on hold. Give it more time to see how things are after the newness wears off. Good Luck!!

@Heidi, I am so glad you took the advice of so many people on here, who advocated waiting. In my book, this shows the mark of an adult. Good for you! Your relationship will be so much better in the long run, trust me!

You might not want to hear this. But you're young. You have your entire life ahead of you. Finish college, find your dream job, travel. You might find a job you truly love in another state and he might not want to make that move. Focus on YOUR goals first.

I think if you are so dependent on your parents then I don't think it's the time to get married.

Relationships are hard, and you are at a point in your life where you will still be growing and learning and changing. Hopefully, you and your FH can grow together. Getting married and sacrificing your relationship with your parents, as it seems you know, would be jumping the gun.

Wait.

If he's the right guy for you, he will still be the right guy for you after you finish school, get a job, support yourself, and grow up a little more.

I think if you rush into marriage (and yes this is rushing) you will encounter more challenges than you think and you and your guy haven't put in the work of being in a committed relationship yet. You may know you want to marry him now, but it will be to your benefit to wait and do a little more life with him by your side.

Sometimes as much as we don't want to admit it, parents have our best interest at heart and actually do have some wisdom.

Im not much older than you (22) and i recommend that you wait. If you supported yourself then it probably wouldn't raise so many questions/concerns. you need to first focus on becoming dependent on yourself. If you go from being 100% dependent on your parents to being 100% dependent on your FH then you will never learn what its like to be a real adult (because buying groceries and paying for some of the rent some of the time is so insignificant.) FH bought my ring 2 weeks after dating (3 months after talking) but he waited 9 months before officially asking me to marry him. We just enjoyed each others time and spent time with our families together. We BOTH knew he was going to ask me and we BOTH knew we would get married soon. There are so many things to figure out together that you may not have figured out for yourself yet. ( learning to live with someone new, children, finances, bills, who pays for what, whos job determines where you live, ect. the list goes on.)

If your parents still fully support you, then you truly are not living an adult life. You may be of adult age, but you haven't been out in the real world yet, to know what it's like to be an independent young woman. Going from having your parents support you straight to a husband supporting you is really not going to give you the chance to grow as a young adult. If he loves you, he's willing to wait. If you love yourself and your family, you should wait.

Like everyone else is saying, finish college, get a job, etc. 3 months is NOT long enough to know someone, at all.

Everything is sunshine and butterflies for the first 3 months, I'd even say the first 3 years with someone. It wasn't until FH and I were on our 3rd year of dating that we were dealt with real conflict and were really tested as a couple, a team. Studies show that you don't truly know a person until 2-3 years, and it's a lot easier to figure out if there are deal breakers BEFORE you are married. Trust me, I met FH at age 20 and while I had an instinct that he was the one, taking some time to really confirm that was important. We will be getting married when I am 26 and he is 30. Between that time, we really grew together and are much more prepared for married life and we now know without a doubt we can work through the many challenges life throws at us.

I never understood why people rush marriage. If you're fully convinced you are going to be with this person forever, marriage shouldn't even matter. Take your time and get to know him. You're in the honeymoon phase. This can last up to 2 years and you really don't know someone until you've been with them for 2 years.

If you are in love, you can continue to be in love and date. When you are both more stable, you can plan your wedding.

I am engaged now, I'm 23. I think at first my parents would prefer that I was older, closer to 30. But once I started paying for things myself, and not requiring health insurance, car insurance, car payments, rent, etc. from them, they realized I was an adult. Just make sure you can support yourself 100%, because then if they do end up being furious with you, you can still go on surviving financially without them. There is also nothing wrong with a long engagement, you may be able to afford a nicer wedding/honeymoon after you graduate and you'd have a longer amount of time to plan.

If someone "needs permission" to be with a man they love, I can't imagine they are ready to get married. Marriage isn't just a romantic gesture. It is committing to someone for life, it is a binding legal agreement, it is a huge financial commitment, and it is something that should not be rushed. I TOTALLY get that you love him, I felt the same way. I knew that I was going to marry my man after our first date. But hey, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, so why rush it? We have been together for over 5 years not and are getting married this year.

I wouldn't be willing to rush my relationship with my family just to get married so quickly. If you guys are truly made for each other, what is so wrong with waiting? You will be together still, but you just won't be married. Your family can get to know and love him, and your lives will be more stable. You will mature a lot in the next few years, and most importantly, gain independence from your parents and no longer "need permission" to make adult decisions.

Best of luck!

You know you don't have to accept the phone, right? You don't have to only work 10 hours. You CAN make your own decisions. I know its scary, I was in a VERY similar situation until I was almost 20 myself. My first step, I got my own cell phone plan! From there on, I peeled away all the control they had. It was hard for them to let go, but eventually they got the hint. No, they didn't disown me or cut me off or anything. If I needed help, I asked and they helped. But you have to be the one to tell them to back off and let you be an adult. And the credit card, you most likely are a user on a card under their name. That means the debt belongs to them. You don't have to pay for the debt they put on the card. If you stop using the card, you can tell them to pay off their own debt, but be prepared to lose access to the card!

Is this a joke?