How to tell my parents...?

I would hold off a few years. If it's meant to be now, it'll be meant to be in a few years when you're done with school.

I agree with HisBeauty's and Elizabeth's posts the most.

You're going from dependency to dependency, when you should be going from dependency to independency, and then for a relationship, co-habitating (if that's the right term to use).

Seriously think about it: if, worse case scenario, this relationship doesn't work out, you're not going to have any legs to stand on. Not trying to be mean, but your post suggests you'll be going from your parents' care (or control) to his care, with no "you time" in between.

Work on separating yourself from your parents and learn to stand on your own two feet. Then, be independent and enjoy your relationship, whether you have a long engagement (much longer than marrying next August) or don't have an engagement at all until some time down the road, when you know how to take care of yourself and live on your own.

That, in my opinion, is the sunshine and rainbows way to go about it.

Wait! I have been with my fiance for 4 1/2 years and we just got engaged in August - we have known each other since 2nd grade, really good friends, and then finally started dating right after we went to prom on junior year. He tried to get me for years but I didn’t want a bf till after college and so I kept putting it off because I didn’t wanna end up like most the girls here in my town who get married as soon as the graduation (not that its horrible - my parents did it) but I wanted to have college finished... Anyways I knew within 5 months that we would get married, and honestly If he would have asked me, I would have married him right after we graduated! Totally not how I ever planned things to go but what I’m trying to get at, is I know how you feel, and that you are so sure. BUT I am so glad we waited - we have had a rocky year mainly just because of learning things about him that I honestly didn’t know about in the 3 years prior to dating. Not necessarily just bad things, but things with his family and issues there, and then a few things I’m not comfortable with talking about. With that being said, I am glad I know NOW than if we had gotten married and then learned these things. I also thought I knew everything about him! But I was so wrong, but again, glad we have waited! By the time we marry (6/22/19) we will have been together for exactly 6 years! Crazy to think its been that long but we are still so young that it doesn’t feel that weird. We don’t live together (and won’t until we marry) he is currently working with my dad to fix up a house for us after we get married and I will graduate from college in May of ‘19 - which is mainly the big reason for such a long engagement, because I only work part-time and take a full load of classes, so financially we aren’t quite prepared and while he could support us, I don’t want to put that burden on him right now.

Now back to you, I recommend you introduce him to your family. If you just storm in saying that you want to marry some guy you barely know and somebody who it appears they don’t even know, is going to go south! They need to get to know him more before you just jump off and say that you are getting married and it will be a bad start from the beginning! You don’t want that! I am so glad that my family is comfortable with my fiance and that he is apart of the family, it has made things so much easier! Also, keep working on that degree! If he loves you like you think he does, he will wait and he will support you. Yes he is willing to support you, but what about when your family doesn’t? Will he be able to handle that? Also what if something ever happened to him and you were dependent on him and then you had nothing, including tension with your parents? I’m not trying to tell you to run from him! I’m just saying give it some time before you just bombard your parents with this. Let them get to know each other!

Wait. 20, most of the time is way too young for marriage. 3 month, most of the time is way too soon for marriage. Please take to heart all of the comments of women here who have lived through their 20s. I am 33 and can honestly and with all of my heart advise you to wait. You will grow and change so much from 20 to 25 and then 25-30. These are the years of your life that you need to learn and grow as an individual- you cannot really do that in a marriage because you are a “ we” then. Since 20 I have had 3 great amazing all consuming loves. At that age I definitely saw my self being able to marry those men, but I knew I was too young. And at 33 looking back, as amazing as the Love was a marriage never would have worked!! At 27 I re-met my FH and the love is different it is both all consuming and magical, but also practical and realistic. We share visions on our life because we each had time to develop our own. He pushes me to be the best version of myself and we know that in 20/30/40 years when the infatuation and romnce May fade we will survive because we are truly best friends who built a solid foundation.

As to the the length of this relationship, 3 months is not enough time to really know someone - especially in a school setting where by design you have the same interests and lifestyle. I would encourage you to date for at lease a year or two before even considering marriage. If you two want to be together there is no rush to be marriages, you can just be together.

Now if you ignore all this advice and decide to get engaged and tell your parents, you just do. If you are old enough and mature enough to get married you are old enough and mature enough to sit your parents down. Tell them you have decided to marry and take the consequences thereof. If you are getting married, your parents shouldn’t have to financially support you- that is now your job. If they become emotionally abusive, you simply stand up and tell them your decision has been made and leave. That simple.

OP, I can honestly say I understand how you want to get away from toxic parents but don't think that this is your only escape. I'm young and in nursing school too... definitely wait ! You'll be better off when both of you guys can pay for things. Why rush marriage? Enjoy being engaged and get to know one another more. Hopefully little by little you can gain independence from your parents, start off by paying a bill to show them you are responsible since you do work. You don't want to jump from being dependent of your parents to being dependent of your spouse. I could have easily done this too but I'd rather hold off and leave my house on good terms.

View Quoted Comment I agree as well. I met my husband at 20 and we were obsessed with each other. After we started dating exclusively we rarely went a night alone in our apartment. We both "knew." We also both knew the importance of finishing school, being independent, learning cooperative meaningful communication, and managing our household. We moved in together at 23. We got engaged when I was 26, and married at 27.

It's so important to really get to know each other. My DH and I waited to make sure we were truly compatible for years because we wanted a strong relationship to base our marriage. We had the support of both families when we got engaged which is really a great feeling. Please please please consider waiting. You really don't want to ostracize your family over a new boyfriend.

It sounds like you know this will cause tension in your family. It's ok to wait! 3 months is not a long time to truly get to know someone. If he is the real deal then he will be willing to wait.

Question OP, how is your fiance going to be able to support the both of you. Is he also a student? (How could a student fully support himself AND another student who is only working part time?) Is he reliant at all on his family? How will they react to the news of your engagement/marriage?

There are a lot of factors at play here, OP. You need to think long and hard about whether rushing into marriage before youre independent will be worth burning the bridges of your family -- and possibly his too.

It can't hurt to wait. If it's right, it will still be right once you're out of school.

I don’t think I am worried about your age so much as I am worried about the time you’ve known him. Get out of the “honeymoon stage” and then decide. There is no possible way you can know what you need to know about a person in 3 months. Maybe you are soul mates but if that’s the case you will be later.

I hear you guys, and he and I talked and we agree that we are rushing. We plan to keep the engagement, however wait until I finish nursing school and he gets his medic license. Then we will approach this subject again. Who knows what will be happening by then, but hopefully we’re still together. Yes my parents have met him but there is a race issue. My parents strongly dislike that I’m interested in someone of a different race than me. That has caused some problems. And I’m a lot to handle, terrible temper, jumping to conclusions, assumptions, all the really bad habits that I learned growing up and watching my mom and birth dad deal with. So sadly I act like that sometimes. In the three months he’s helped me work on my issues and made things a lot better. But we talked it over going over everyone’s comments. So thank you all for the advice. It means a lot. 💕

I know it's cliche and annoying to hear "What's the rush?" but in this case, it does make me wonder what is the rush? So you're 20 now, right? How old will you be in August? How old is he/will he be? I hope you'd be at least 21 so you can at least enjoy a glass of wine or champagne at your wedding Regardless of that though, I think you should wait until you can be completely self sufficient to get married - not relying on mom and dad to pay your phone, car, housing, and other bills. I think it's extremely important to have a good foundation of independence and self reliance before getting married. Also, will you have graduated by August 2018? I'd recommend waiting until after graduating to plan a wedding, just to have less stress (I know people go to school and plan weddings at the same time, but why put yourself through that if you don't have to, especially considering the time crunch/limited time you've known each other?).

I just read your update... I'm glad to hear you're waiting a bit longer Sounds like you know there are things to be worked on, and I hope your family comes around too and get over the race issue. Good for you for realizing it's best to wait!

View Quoted Comment Awww I'm sorry they hold such negative outdated views on race. I had some family members that told me all of the Spanish in our wedding made them very uncomfortable. Some people never change. Some people may even learn to change their views as they get to know him over the years. Best of luck to you!

View Quoted Comment

Yay! This is a wonderful decision. I thought at first that a long engagement would be the worst thing ever, but it's turned out to be the best thing for us and our relationship. I'm so sorry that y'all are having that issue with your parents. Hopefully, with the time y'all are taking to wait, they'll come to accept that this is something that is a good thing for you.

When I was 20 and in college. I thought I was in love with a friend from when we were in preschool, and we talked about getting married. We had a lot of things in common, and we loved hanging out with friends.
It took my best friends from college and my family to convince me he wasn't Mr. Perfect. Turns out, he was controlling, pulled the wool over my eyes...controlling me on what to wear in public, telling me where we were going at anime/gaming conventions when I wanted to go elsewhere, still lived with his mom, never visited me in college...and we were together for almost 3 years.
Now, I'm marrying someone who is nothing like my stupid ex, being together 3+ years and my family loves him!
I had an ex-friend that married someone after being together for a few months. I asked an important question:

"What's the rush? Why are you getting married so quickly?"

Their answer? "Uh, we love each other, that's why!"

And guess who got divorced a few months after??

Like what everyone else said. WAIT!! You just might find this person may not be the right one. Trying not to sound too harsh or critical, but please for the love of everything, wait. Take this from someone who's experienced what you're experiencing right now.

"My relationship with my family has never been what it should be." And if you keep seeing this man in secret, or at least keep your plans a secret it will never be what it could be.

If you are financially dependent on them, don't do it. Wait a few years. You are very young,

Why not trying to support yourself? You shouldnt need to rely on your parents or boyfriend for this stuff. Also, whats the rush? You're so young, figure out how to be an independent woman for a little while, it'll only make everything much better in the future! If its meant to be, it can wait!

I say run away with him. Follow your heart

A good rule of thumb is if you can’t think of a way to tell your parents, it’s probably a sign you shouldn’t be getting married.

Waiting til you finish school is a fantastic idea. Your parents will be more supportive with more time. I can’t imagine why you would call off an engagement if you were going to wait and marry after you get out of school — typically, called off engagements mean you won’t marry that person, AND there’s nothing wrong win a long engagement. As long as you still intend to marry , stay engaged.

Honestly, I’d wait a few years before getting married. Just to give you some time to think it over, finish your education, and get a good job. This will give you the chance for your man to build a good relationship with your parents and family as well. Congratulations on finding your love.