How to tell guest not to come if they plan on being late

I think it's really nice he told you in advance, and is making your wedding work even with a prior commitment. There is no polite way to say "come on time or don't come at all". Things happen. People will hit traffic, have delays, etc.

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I totally get traffic or having something unexpected come up, however I would assume that those people intended to be on time and weren't choosing to sit in traffic or have an emergency instead of being at my wedding. The difference here is that this person knew about my wedding 10 months ago and just didn't make it a priority. They are CHOOSING to do something else for first couple hours of my wedding and are saying they will "try" to stop by. I have talked with him and we came to the conclusion that he would not be counted in the final head count, but he may stop by to say hi. I told him depending on what time he gets there, there may or may not be food left. I am not going to pay for a dinner for someone who may or may not come depending on their other plans.

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No, they did not pay money.

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But he CAN get out of the conference. I have other friends who are attending the same conference and just leaving a little early to make it to the ceremony. It's not a big deal. He is NOT making every effort and he could easily be at the ceremony. He is choosing not to be there and I am allowed to be upset about this and I am not being impolite, he is. The polite thing for him to do is to RSVP "decline with regret" and say "sorry I can't make it to your wedding due to the conference". I would be bummed but it would not be a big deal.

No, I am obviously not going to be with my guests every second of the reception. I think this is fairly common nowadays and it does not mean the bride is an improper host.

I think you are splitting hairs and I feel badly for your friend. A lot of people arrive when they can.. it's NICE when people show up on time and most people do. Usually there are also many people at the wedding and lots to do that you wouldn't even have time to notice his absence. You need to chill and drop the whole "don't bother coming" nonsense or just end the relationships with everyone you know. Your wedding is an important time but life goes on after it as well as before. Be reasonable. What does your FH have to say about this? I hope he sees this differently

Have you talked to your friend directly about how you feel? It might be a good opportunity for both of you to really consider each other's feelings and talk about it instead of jumping to extreme options. He still wants to be a part of your day but he had other things planned before your day by what

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Of course, life goes on. BUT if people don't want to come that is fine. But no need to feed someone if the ceremony is not that important to them. I would just tell him, sorry you cannot make it, we will miss you and will count you as a no show. He just wants a free meal.

ETA -- the reception is a thank you for everyone who came to the wedding. Not for freeloaders. Just tell him sorry you cannot make the wedding.

View Quoted Comment Fair enough except I haven't read anything that suggests he is a freeloader or that he doesn't want to come or a history of flakiness, just a description of a "friend" who has a life outside of OPs wedding. Did this friend plan the conference before the wedding was announced? Something came up? If a conference could benefit me in some way, I would be there because at the end of the day, OP won't pay my bills or help me grow. A FRIEND understands and accepts things without making a mountain over nothing. Everything I read sounds really demanding and me me me.. like as if it's a parent who is gonna miss out. He's 1 friend out of how many? Come on now.

Anyway, OP is really best to talk about her feelings with this person in a rational way. A whiny and egotistical "how dare you, don't bother coming" is the fastest way to problems. But maybe that is the best solution.. spare this "friend" any future misery.

You can’t monopolize people’s time like this. If you want someone there, you invite them. If they’re late, they’re late. Sorry but no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. You don’t get to control what others do with their time.

I have 1 person I'm concerned about. My fiancés friends girlfriend is a Narcissist and she always tries to one up people and is never on time. I really don't want her there. My pastor did say he can lock doors at a certain time which is a good.

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I think I'd be careful with that one. If she's as you describe, she's likely to start banging on the door for someone to come and let her in. I'd definitely request someone stand outside, just in case.

OP, I'm sorry, but I just wouldn't leave a conference that I paid for and that would help my career to go to a wedding. I would show up late with apologies and an extra nice gift. That said, I wouldn't take kindly to the I'll Be Late If I Can Make It At All. If they can't give a definitive answer, I'd let them know that they're being counted as a No. And that's how I would tell them: Sorry, but we need an actual count for the caterer. We can't accept Maybes.

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Theresa yea she is pretty crazy! Very Jealous, Envious, Spiteful and Insecure.