How to tell guest not to come if they plan on being late

View Quoted Comment Did they pay money to go to the conference?

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Agreed!

I work in conference management and conferences aren't cheap! There could be continuing ed opportunities, someone they need to meet with... all things that have lasting implications beyond the wedding day.

View Quoted Comment I completly agree. Maybe it's a culturally or regional thing for these other people on this thread, but it is extremely rude to be late to a wedding where I'm from. If you're late where im from you just don't go because it causes that much commotion. If you can not make it a priority to be on time to someone's wedding just don't go. Their lateness could interrupt a really emotional or sentimental moment with them trying to get in or find their seats . Imagine a guess walking in right before ur grand entrance stealing your moment because they got their late, or a guest making a noisy entrance in the middle or you saying your vows.

View Quoted Comment Then they should just go to that conference. The way she explained it, it's almost like that person is implying that the conference means way more to them to the wedding to miss the most important part. If that is the case just respectfully decline going to the wedding altogether. No one likes being an after thought. The bride is not wrong for wanting the people who say they will be there to support her to actually be there to support her . I'd rather people come to the ceromony and leave than to show up for the "fun" part and miss the reason they are there.

View Quoted Comment If the conference is his priorty I would have preferred he just RSVP "decline". I know for a fact that he did not pay for the conference. He is literally just choosing to make it his priorty. He is not required to go. That sends a message to me that my wedding is not very important to him. If the late guest was some relative rushing from the airport or someone who could not get out of work I would be fine with it. However, he is in the same town as me and is literally just choosing to do something else instead of attending part of my wedding.

I guess you could just tell him you're closing the doors at a specific time and not allowing anyone in after that. Maybe he'll get the hint.

View Quoted Comment Hmmmm, our venue is outdoors, but I like the idea of this. Wish I could use it.

I agree that showing up late to a wedding isn't the nicest thing to do. Weddings are major events, so being on time is super important to my family! Sadly, there's no nice way to tell him to not come at all. This isn't really a hill to die on. You'll likely be so busy and distracted on your wedding day - you might not even care at that point if he shows up late!

I see both sides. I wouldn’t mind someone important showing up whenever they could but I do think showing up in the middle of the ceremony OR right before they start announcing you all at the reception are the rudest times to arrive. The moments where everyone is paying close attention to what is going on and they will notice a person walking in. If you’re having a cocktail hour in between maybe compromise and tell him that’s the sweet spot he can arrive during, if he can’t make it by then, say the venue wouldn’t have him counted for dinner or something along those lines. Pushes some blame off of you. But honestly, if he’s not that important to you and you don’t work together anymore just tell him the truth and lose a friend. No point stressing out if your friendship isn’t really there. If you care about his feelings or whether you’re being rude, maybe he’s a good enough friend to arrive when he can to celebrate you. You need to decide that before stressing over it. There are so many more important things and people to concern yourself with on your day. The only people that care about your day the way you do are yourself and your fiancé, accept that.

It seems like you’ve gotten a lot of negative or off topic feedback so I’m sorry. If they don’t care enough about your wedding to leave the conference early then there’s no reason for you to feel bad about telling them not to come.

You could say something along the lines of “while your presence is greatly appreciated, the ceremony is where my fiancé and I will become husband and wife is what the whole day is based on. If you’re unable to make it to the ceremony it would be unfair to us and other guests who did do more than just attend the party portion of our wedding. We realize some of our guests have other priorities on the same day as our wedding, we just ask that out of respect for us on our wedding day that if you’re unable to attend the ceremony that you do not show up just to the reception. This being said we would still love to have you there on our big day, we only ask that you be present for the full duration.”

Hope this helps! Remember, it’s YOUR day. Everyone is going to have an opinion but what matters is that you’re happy! Best of luck!

No. You should be glad that he is making every effort to come to at least the reception, which is a part of the wedding. If he cannot get out of the conference for professional reasons, be glad you are important enough for him to do this much. There is no polite way to say, come before the ceremony or do not come. And after the ceremony, are you staying with your guests every minute? Or are you doing what so many couples have taken to doing recently, taking 45 minutes to an hour away from your guests, while you go off and take pictures. If you are skipping out a major portion, it would seem a little impolite to get upset with a guest who CAN'T be at the ceremony, where you and the wedding party COULD be there every minute, but put getting nice pictures above being a proper host and staying with your guests? It is a 2 way street.

It is incredibly rude to come to the reception and not the wedding. I don't care what the conference costs, he should have just declined. I would tell him we really do not know the exact time of the reception, we do not know how long the ceremony will last, so we will miss you, let's get together after the wedding.

I just need a little clarification. Is this person coming late to the ceremony or just skipping the ceremony all together and then going to the reception? I mean, actually walking into the ceremony late is a little rude and I could get being annoyed by that disruption.

I'm not trying to sound rude, but are you planning on taking a head count before the ceremony to make sure that everyone who RSVP'd yes was there? If they wouldn't have told you they were going to miss the ceremony, would you have even noticed that they weren't there? What if someone gets stuck in traffic, the babysitter is running late, etc? I guess I just can't relate to your feelings on this because I would just be glad that someone was trying to make the time to come celebrate with us, even if they missed the ceremony.

I'm with you - if you plan to attend the reception, you can make the ceremony. Unfortunately, things happen, people show up late, or skip ceremonies. Feel the way you feel. Realize that person doesn't prioritize you. And move on.

I had someone ask us how long the ceremony and cocktail hour (ahem, HOUR) were and when the reception would start so they could skip the first two. It was a family member and we wanted photos with them during cocktail hour, so I said the ceremony starts at 5:30pm and we hope to see them there. It was my not so rude yet not so polite way of telling them show up at 5:30pm....

Honestly, I have no idea who was or wasn't at the ceremony, I was busy getting married! You will be too. Just ignore it

Obviously a non-mandatory conference isn't as important or half as fun as a wedding. But if he knows he has it earlier in the day, it might have just been a small talk thing. "Oh hey good to see you! Excited for your wedding! Oh right I have a conference that day I might be a little late! Catchya later!" He might not have any intention of being late, it's just a quick thing he said and he feels like his bases are covered if he loses track of time for a moment and is 5 minutes late bc of the conference.

I had a wedding a few weeks ago, and a few weeks before it a bachelorette party for someone else got planned for the same time. Bachelorette parties are important and I am really close with her, but I told her I had the wedding that weekend and I already rsvp'd and I would miss most of the days activities but I was free for the morning stuff and will try to make it for dinner by leaving the wedding a little early. If the bride of the wedding got wind of it and told me not to come if I was choosing to leave early for something else, or if the bride of the bachelorette party told me not to come if I was choosing to be late for something else...would have been really weird. Leave your guests to prioritize their day themselves, but also I wouldn't worry about this guy, someone telling you in passing they might be a little late to your big day won't be on your mind at all when you're walking down the aisle.

Well put it this way... ANYONE could be late if they hit traffic or some other circumstance. We had a mutual friend be late to our friends' wedding and the big driveway up to the parking lot passed the ceremony spot. They missed the ceremony because they had to park at the bottom and for some reason just stayed in their car instead of walking up. They looked stupid but what can ya do? As the bride are you gonna give them the stank face cuz they were late? You could mention to this person that the other guests are leaving the conference early to make the ceremony! Maybe he will agree to do the same. Otherwise there isn't a polite way to go about it.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I see some of your points. It was not in passing though it was with his official RSVP and he said he would be up to 2 hours late IF he could make it. I'm just going to tell him the caterer is charging us per person so I need a definite answer from him and that I would strongly prefer he attend the whole wedding. If he's not able to do that then I understand that the conference needs to take priority.

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Wow, that changes things then. Sounds like a rude way to say "maybe", which isn't something you should put on an rsvp, you make up your mind and then rsvp. Be careful blaming it on the caterer because he could just say, "well yeah I'll be there in time for the reception". I would say you need a headcount for the venue.

I see where you're coming from, I have a couple who let my mom know they are going to a different wedding (during my wedding) and then attending my reception. I feel kind of bummed because the way I see it is the important part is the WEDDING and the reception is a thank you to all of the guests who came and celebrated our wedding. So I get they were trying to compromise, but it also feels like it's rude to miss the actual wedding. I decided not to say anything because I'm trying to avoid drama. Just wanted to let you know I think it's rude too, but could lead to a lot of negativity if you decide to disinvite him entirely!

I think it is polite that this guest is giving you the heads up that he will be late. At our wedding, we had multiple guests come to the reception but not the ceremony - I wouldn't say it's common, but it's not unheard of. I think you might be surprised to have other guests that do this without even telling you, and quite honestly, you probably won't even notice. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill... Now, if he is saying he may or may not make the reception (where you need a catering headcount), that is a different story and you need to tell him you need an answer on if he can make the reception or you will mark him as a decline.