#mattsmrs18
Super January 2018

How to survive a long engagement

#mattsmrs18, on June 6, 2016 at 12:11 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 38
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So with 18 months still left to go the angst of waiting is getting really heavy. FH and I decided that logistically a long engagement made more sense, so a 23 month engagement it was. Now the venue is booked so there is nothing left to do until the start of next year, but seeing all of this planning going on makes me want to go dress shopping and invitation buying so badly. Plus I'm kind of annoyed because since the wedding is so far away no one (like family or bridal party) seems to really be interested in any of it. Does anyone have any advice or tips to keep me from exploding into a rain of birdseed and bridal confetti?

38 Comments

  • mimitrue
    Master January 2016
    mimitrue ·
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    We had a 5 year engagement. Just live your life and love your FH. No one cares about your wedding more than you. Once it starts getting closer, it will get more exciting to people. Soon the day will come, you will be married, and you will long for the days back before when you were counting down the days. Plenty of vendors to book now though. Don't wait, get that done and out of the way.

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  • S
    Master January 2017
    SnowQueen ·
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    Don't wait to book. Do your research and find the best for the best price. The earlier you book sometimes they can give you deals and also that way they don't book other things on you. Also Pinterest is a beautiful beautiful black hole that you can dive into. Make some boards and get ideas. I had a long engagement as well, will be 3 years when we get married. Most others wont get too excited til closer but your friends should be able to let you vent it out a little, but remember not to over do it. Have fun and good luck!

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  • MrsLaurenET
    Master September 2016
    MrsLaurenET ·
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    Echoing Jsarge - photographer, DJ and officiant. After that, you can take a break for a while!

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  • Mrs. Sasswood
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Sasswood ·
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    Our engagement will be 23 months when we are married as well. I agree with PP, you can book the big stuff now like photographer and entertainment. Our photographer was actually the first thing we did after getting engaged and because we were so early, we got our pick of the best of the best as well as our backups "just in case". You can also lock in 2016 prices for a 2018 wedding that may skyrocket.

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  • MrsKristenS
    Master August 2016
    MrsKristenS ·
    • Flag

    My engagement will only be 15 months, but I felt the same way at the beginning. Trust me, once you hit the year mark, time will fly!

    And, I second those that have said not to wait on the big vendors. I had my venue, photographer, officiant, and DJ booked by the 14 month out mark. And, we didn't get our first choice DJ then...

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  • FreshToDeathAng
    Master September 2016
    FreshToDeathAng ·
    • Flag

    Just enjoy being engaged and your commitment to each other! We were so happy to have the extra time so that we could actually enjoy our friends and family and have fun on the weekends amidst planning instead of rushing around like crazy people.

    It goes by fast, savor it.

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  • JennV
    Master October 2017
    JennV ·
    • Flag

    I'm getting married October of 2017 and I've booked the venue, photographer and Justice of the Peace. I find it better to start planning the bigger vendors now that way I can focus on the smaller details closer to next year. My next vendors are going to be DJ, florist and cake (or dessert).

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  • Ekab
    VIP November 2017
    Ekab ·
    • Flag

    Definitely keep doing research and finding vendors you want to book. I totally get you on wanting to find a dress and pick out invitations, but trust me on those little things - everything changes. I've fallen in "love" with several different invitation styles and keep changing my mind.

    It's not bad to have ideas and do your research, but make sure you are not locking yourself in too early Smiley winking.

    As for no one wanting to talk about it, give it a few months and people will start asking. FH and I are having a 35 month engagement and the questions wont stop now with 17 months to go.

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  • #mattsmrs18
    Super January 2018
    #mattsmrs18 ·
    • Flag

    Thanks everyone for the advice! I have never been good with being patient but I'm glad there are things I could be doing now!

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  • FFW
    Master August 2016
    FFW ·
    • Flag

    When it all said & done our engagement will be 20 months. I understand completely that family and wedding party don't seem interested at all. I just had my shower this pass Saturday and things are finally starting to get fun/interesting. Best way to survive is WW. You can talk wedding with us anytime. That helped me a lot. The best thing you can do during this time is save save save. Unless someone else is paying for your wedding, you will inevitably be stuck to decide on something you want that is out of budget so save more than you think you need. Like pp said you can do other stuff like book your photographer & officiant. You can also send out STDs and create a website. Other fun things you can do during this time include take engagement pictures and work on nonwedding goals. During our engagement we purchased our first home and got new cars. I also changed jobs.

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  • #mattsmrs18
    Super January 2018
    #mattsmrs18 ·
    • Flag

    My parents are paying for the wedding but that went into the logistics part. It is much easier on them and they could afford more if the engagement was longer.

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  • Chantel
    Master July 2016
    Chantel ·
    • Flag

    Pretty much everything that's been already said.

    We had a long engagement as well but it does go by fast, trust me! Especially when you change your mind a million times and end up moving cities, lol.

    My suggestion is to brainstorm and Pinterest away. Really think about what YOU guys want as a couple. Book the major vendors that you need to secure, but try not to complete anything else too early in case you change your mind later. We went through so many changes and booking re-arrangements it's been exhausting and we've lost some money along the way. In the end, we're doing what we really want and now we're excited again. So, my biggest piece of advice is to decide what you guys really want and stick to it Smiley smile

    Oh - and people will start asking about the wedding here and there, especially as you get closer to the actual date but in the meantime, that's what WW is for!

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  • OGSue
    Master August 2016
    OGSue ·
    • Flag

    We had a 23 month engagement, and honestly I'm really happy that we did. It didn't quite prepare me for the end rush that I'm currently in but it was nice that the entire experience wasn't me running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Enjoy the fact that you can calmly research decisions and breath between most steps. Also enjoy your time of being engaged, it's a fun one!

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  • Allie
    Dedicated August 2016
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    I just have one more thing to add to PP about booking vendors early.

    We went with custom invitations, and we got an early booking deal with our designer. She typically charges hourly for designing and drawing up invitations, but since we booked early not only do we get 5% off but we get unlimited designing for only $50. Which is insane! Not to mention we were able to take the time to get to know each other, which I think made our custom invitations even better. She was able to get to know our style and work really hard on an incredible invitation. I'll attach my favorite piece, which is our RSVP card. Going custom can get really expensive but for booking early we ended up getting everything we need (STDs, invitations, inserts, thank you cards) for about $700. Totally worth it! And booking early saved our butts here so I highly recommend it.


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  • #mattsmrs18
    Super January 2018
    #mattsmrs18 ·
    • Flag

    @Allie those are really beautiful!

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  • H
    VIP March 2017
    Hammie ·
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    Agreed with PPs. I'm a little more than half way thru our 24 month engagement. We booked our venue really early as well and didn't do a lot for a few months after that. But take the extra time to really do your research. Contact lots of vendors, and definitely start booking soon. I think you'd be surprised how quickly vendors book up! We're kind of in a planning slump ourselves because we've pretty much booked everything. We're just slowing working out all the little details.

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  • SAD
    VIP March 2016
    SAD ·
    • Flag

    H and I had a 2 1/2 year engagement, and it was actually a wonderful decision, but I definitely felt the "long engagement blues" at first. It helps when you stop focusing on the wedding - just enjoy being engaged, enjoy being with your FH, and spend time doing things you love (my work kept me really busy, which was great). Do things slowly - book your venue, photographer, and DJ now, but don't rush other things. If there are any bridal shows in your area, consider going to see what deals you might come across - a longer engagement gives you the luxury of really shopping around and stumbling on great deals. Don't necessarily go dress shopping, but consider looking into trunk shows in your area - if there's a designer you really like, you might be able to luck out at a trunk show. And play around on Pinterest, but don't go overboard - Pinterest weddings can get pretty pricey pretty quickly!

    Time definitely seems frustrating at first, but in the end, it is ultimately your friend!

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  • NewMrsWesely
    Master September 2016
    NewMrsWesely ·
    • Flag

    Oh yes don't wait on the big vendors at all since you have your venue. The time goes by so much quicker then you will realize. You can also work on guest list, ideas of how you want the day to look and feel. So much you can do. I will have almost 2 year engagement. Getting everything booked well in advance helped so much on the planning in the end. Right now I just sit back and relax for almost 3 months instead of shoving it all in at once.

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  • FutureMrsWhitman
    Expert December 2016
    FutureMrsWhitman ·
    • Flag

    We'll be at 26 months by the time we get married. We had a lot of ideas that we gathered, booked some big vendors right away, and did some trial and error with different diy projects. I ended up so far ahead in planning. We'd hit it hard for a few months and then take a month or two off. Once we hit that 12 month mark time began 2 fly!! Now I feel like I have a ton to do in a little time!

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  • #mattsmrs18
    Super January 2018
    #mattsmrs18 ·
    • Flag

    Thank you everyone for the advice/encouragement.

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