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Just Said Yes October 2022

How to kindly replace a maid of honor. Help!!!

Wilson, on May 26, 2021 at 1:02 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10

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I have been engaged to the father of my twins for four years. When he proposed I got excited and asked my then best friend to be my maid of honor. After I had the twins she disappeared. We would text every now and then and then eventually she just wouldn't respond. I see her once in a blue moon when I run into her at the store and we talk a little bit but then we move on and I don't hear from her or see her until I run into her again. I've asked to hang out and get no response or she's busy. After my girls were born my other friend really stepped up and was really there for me when I was going through postpartum depression. She has been a constant in my life for the past four years. I really want to make her my maid of honor. We decided to only have one person up at the alter with each of us so I couldn't make my old maid of honor a bridesmaid she would just be a guest. How should I approach the old maid of honor and let her know that because we've grown so far apart that I want to replace her.

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Melody, on May 27, 2021 at 11:45 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on May 26, 2021 at 1:09 PM
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If you’ve barely hung out with the friend you asked to be maid of honor in the last four years, I don’t even know why you’d invite her as a guest at this point. I would ask the other friend to be your maid of honor and I probably wouldn’t even invite the other friend.
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VIP July 2017
Becky · on May 26, 2021 at 1:22 PM
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She may no longer be expecting to be your maid of honor, since you haven't really spoken in the last four years.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on May 26, 2021 at 1:24 PM
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You don’t. She can step down if the friendship is over. But you don’t replace anyone in the position
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Just Said Yes October 2022
Wilson · on May 26, 2021 at 1:41 PM
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I would still invite her. We have mutual friends that would be invited and it would cause unnecessary drama to what should be a joyous day. Do you think I could just send her the invite and kind of get the point across that way?
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VIP May 2022
Ava · on May 26, 2021 at 2:07 PM
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If the two of you haven’t spoken much in the past four years, I have a feeling she probably does not expect to be your maid of honor any longer. Assuming she has not purchased a bridesmaid dress yet, and you have not yet sent out invitations, I would simply send her an invitation to be a guest at your wedding. If she wants to further address the MOH situation after receiving the invitation, she can approach you and then you can explain your reasoning.
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Expert September 2022
Courtney · on May 26, 2021 at 2:21 PM
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I think when you send a basic invite and there has been no other contact the message would get across pretty easily. Like others have said, if you haven't spoken much in the last 4 years I'd be surprised if she still thought she'd be MOH.
This is the reason everyone recommends not picking your wedding party until about a year out from the wedding, but that's not helpful now.
If she asks about if she's still the MOH just explain that it was 4 years ago that you asked and since you guys haven't spoken much lately you didn't think she'd even still be interested and that you've actually grown really close to someone and due to you and your FH's decision to only have one person each up there you're moving forward with her.
Overall, yea, it's kind of rude to replace her, but she did it to herself by not keeping in contact. I would say this is one situation that the etiquette can budge a little.
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Super February 2022
Grace · on May 26, 2021 at 3:54 PM
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I would send the invite and not bring up the MOH situation. If she has been *that* unresponsive to you for the last 4 years then I would be suprised if she is still expecting to be your MOH.
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Judith · on May 26, 2021 at 4:02 PM
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Just like that. When I asked you I felt we were close friends. But after 4 years with little between us, I will be asking a friend be whom I am currently close friends. Be nice, and she knows the situation, not like it is a surprise.
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Judith · on May 26, 2021 at 4:07 PM
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General etiquette, it is okay to cut out people from invitations, other than closest family, if you have not seen then to socialize in 3 years (+- a little). A supposedly closest friend after this long would not raise any eyebrows. And you should be able to be friends again long term, if done nicely.
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Savvy April 2021
Melody · on May 27, 2021 at 11:45 AM
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If she doesn’t talk to you, I doubt she expects to be your MOH, if she asks just be honest! I think you’re making the right call, you want someone who supports you and your family, not someone who is just an acquaintance at this point in your life!
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