How to handle family members inviting other people to the wedding...

Pretty good. I wouldn't use the word budget, though, or she will offer to pay for him. I'd use the term "venue capacity."

Posts like this make me extra glad my family has done 21 years and up, for decades.

I think saying that would be just fine. just give them the facts.

in truth, they may not even be together come the time of the wedding considering how college romances can be. but I wouldn't just invite him, they asked, you can give a answer.

Honestly I think we would be okay if they did offer to pay for him to come because then I think they might realize how much we are spending for each person to be there and they actually might not want to spend that money themselves for a 'college bf' to attend. I think our big issue is the money part because we have been trying to be so frugal with everything and making our budget work.

I've had similar requests. We've just been very clear and have said, "due to the intimate nature of our wedding and the capacity of the venue, we kindly request no other guests than those noted. We hope you understand."

When we've gotten requests such as that, we just blame it on the venue capacity.

How long have they been together? Generally, etiquette advises that anyone in a relationship should have their significant other invited. But this is hard to judge with a younger person and the seriousness of the relationship. Considering her family will be there, she won't be alone if her bf isn't able to come, but if it's possible I think it would be a nice gesture. I think your response is appropriate.

I'm going to try to take a different perspective on this and say that I have heard that it is proper etiquette for adult guests to be given a plus one, and the girl in question is an adult. If they truly are in a relationship, then by not inviting him, you are basically stating that your relationship is "more real" than hers because he is just a "college boyfriend."

Totally agree with Lindsay. I was just a "college girlfriend" of a few months when FH's cousin was nice enough to invite me to her wedding, and now we're family. So it was awesome I got to go. Even if they end up breaking up, it's better to let your cousin have fun instead of texting his gf and being bored.

We're giving anyone over 18 the option of a plus 1, but I feel like that's a minority opinion among WW users. Admittedly, it always makes me a little uncomfortable when people judge the authenticity of someone else's relationship.

You invited FHs half sister... her daughter is her plus 1 from the sound of it? And daughter wants a plus 1 too?

I did the exact same thing. We invited all married/engaged couples and a lot of plus ones. I had 3 cousins start dating someone within 6 months of the wedding. I just said that we would have to wait until after we get RSVPs back because we can only host a certain amount.

I understand inviting plus ones, but by roughly 6-12 months out from the wedding, most people's guest list is set. It's hard to add even 5-10 people because it increases table rentals, linens, food, chair covers... everything. After getting RSVPs back we ended up inviting 5 plus ones that we didn't originally have (weren't dating when we made guest list and the girl DH's cousin knocked up on a 1 night stand...). We invited 185, then ended up with 155 with the plus ones after 147 RSVP'd back yes.

I"m an opposing viewpoint, as always.

Weddings are expensive; it doesn't matter how much they are, to the people hosting them, they are a fortune. (Reality check? I just heard a quote of 275. PP for one of my venues in north NJ).

I think you invite people you know and love, a few people you have to (though I'm not really on board with that either) and s/o's of people who are married, coupled with other people you at least know. If this girl is going to be bored without her date, then she stays home.

You're not, first of all, providing entertainment for an evening. You're trying to create a sacred (even if it's civil) experience followed by a warm celebration by people you know.

Sierra nailed it. Because it's really kind of rude to even ask that question.

Ditto Lindsay, over 18 is considered an adult and a significant other of an adult should be included.

The 19 year old is an adult, so she should be able to bring her SO. UNLESS you invited her mother with a "and guest" and the aunt chose to bring her daughter. If the girl was invited by name, her SO should be invited.

You should not entertain the idea of allowing anyone to pay to bring a guest or telling them how much you pay per person.

I think since she is an adult she should be allowed to bring her SO. Also, assuming he is also 19 or 20 you wont have to pay for alcohol, just the food. (don't know if your venue charges per head or consumption)

Curious how big your wedding is, I can see not wanting to add an extra if its 30 people.

I assume that the daughter was invited as part of the sister's family, not on her own. That's typical in my family - barely legals get invited as part of "The Smith Family," for example. It's just not expected by many people I know for a 19 yr. old to be invited separately from her parents with a plus one, so that's my perspective coming into this.

I don't agree with the advice that she necessarily gets to bring her boyfriend because she hit the age of 18. The daughter didn't even ask FH if she could bring her boyfriend - she went through her mom. It doesn't sound like she's a grown up even if she is legally an adult. An adult would have picked up the phone and asked herself. A child would have her mom ask.

Weddings are expensive enough without being obligated to invite a plus one for every single 18+ person. Do I think a 30 yr. old should be invited without a plus one - no, of course not. But a teenager? Not really seeing the social obligation there.

In my family the rule was whether or not they have been dating over a year, and if the answer was yes they were invited. (this was for cousins who are in college or younger, if older they brought their date regardless of how long they were invited).

I know its not "proper ettiquette" but if you can't afford to have the cousins bf at your wedding I don't think you should have to invite them. if your main concern is the budget, you shouldn't have to strain yourself because of this person. My FH's cousin got married when we were in college and I was pleasantly surprised to be invited to the wedding. I did not think or expect I would be invited when we were dating at the time, and I would have not been offended at all if I wasn't invited.

I think you can feel free to respond the way you were planning, i think its polite and appropriate. I hate the idea of having to spend money you can't because there is some rule out there telling you who you can and can't invite to your wedding.

I totally agree with MayBride!

MayBride - you hit the nail on the head with how my feelings are about this. I was just torn with all the other advice I was getting from my bridesmaids, friends and my Mother as well. My mom even said the same comment about how she went through her mom and didn't call me or my FH on her own. I did invite FH's sister as her family like 'The Smiths'.

Totally agree with Celia! I'm having exactly 66 guests, including the bridal party and of course, the bride and groom. The reason for the number is that's the capacity of the boat we're having the reception on. Absolutely no more than that. So, because of that, I have a number of people who are important to us, but we don't know their S/O... and we're not inviting them. We will have them sit with other friends they know, so they will know people, but they won't have their S/O there.

Other people have given good advice, just want to comment that if she offers to pay for her boyfriend, don't take her up on it. You'd seriously want someone paying for someone else to come to your wedding? This is YOUR event; host what YOU can pay for. You're not selling tickets to an event.

Princess - I really appreciate your comment. After reading what you wrote and how it comes off I don't like the idea of having her pay for him if she does offer AT ALL. I guess the $$ part of my mind didn't think of that way. Thank you!