How to handle child-free wedding?

Unfortunately, I think you have gone beyond the point of being able to handle this with no drama. When you make exceptions to a rule, you create a situation where people will feel hurt/angry when they are excluded from that exception. By allowing some people to bring their infants/children, but not allowing others, you give the impression (whether you intended to or not), that certain people/children rank above others.

View Quoted Comment I get that. But i allowed all infants. No other children. My nephew is an infant. I just didn't want to allow is any children that are over a year pretty much. But people still don't seem to understand this rule and I get people who say their kid wanted to dance..

View Quoted Comment I think at this point, the only thing you can do is put firm wording on your wedding website that absolutely no one who wasn’t listed on the invitation envelope will be allowed entrance to your event. And if you are dead set on enforcing the no children rule, you can hire security to enforce it at the door (ie, no one on the list you provide is allowed entrance).

View Quoted Comment There’s no accounting for how people will react to anything, but OP’s plan is perfectly appropriate. If anyone believes including immediate family children needs to open the floodgates to any and all others then with due respect, that’s their own issue. Likewise, infants can be considered a separate category.


OP, I would not put anything on your invitations other than the specific names of invited guests. But if these people have a history, I’d just deal with them. Either enlist the help of your parents to spread the word, or be proactive in asking if they need help in finding babysitting services in the area. Alternatively, and this may not be feasible but some people set up a separate nearby area with sitter(s) and activities, and send totally separate invitations or just call and ask if they would be interested in this option since other than your own nieces and nephews it will be an adult affair.

View Quoted Comment No one ever said she did anything wrong. She asked how to go about doing this without any drama or hurting feelings; to which I replied that they’re likely isn’t a way to accomplish what she is trying to accomplish without any drama/hurt feelings. Unfortunately, that’s just the nature of the beast when you’re dealing with exclusionary practices; no matter how you justify them 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I don’t see it as an exclusionary practice though. Invitations are meant to offer hospitality. Any reasonable person should understand that including the children of every guest is not usually possible or practical.


And if people are unreasonable, frankly, that’s unfortunate. I would not be pressured.

View Quoted Comment But that was kind of the point. It doesn’t matter how you see it, or how anyone justifies it, it’s just fact of the matter that some parents are going to see it as an exclusionary practice. Period. So any time some children are invited, and others are excluded, there are going to be hurt feelings. So it is up to the host to decide whether they want to deal with that or not 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I honestly have never come across anyone in real life who had an attitude of entitlement on this subject. I guess I don’t believe it’s inevitable that some people will invariably take offense or that unreasonable people should be catered to.

View Quoted Comment Well stick around the forum for 2 minutes… this is a VERY common issue, unfortunately

If you don’t invite kids, be prepared for some people, including people that are important to you, not to come. You can have your day any way you like, but they can also decline, that’s their right. If they are that important to you, saying your kid isn’t says something. I hope all you people on here requesting no kids never have any. You will have loads of regret.

View Quoted Comment

You make the assumption everyone wants kids or at the very least wants to see Your kids. I will never regret becoming an entitled, antiquated, bitter Mom like you. Weddings are for respectful, grown-ups. If you cannot be one, then sit your lonely self home with those who tolerate you.

OP, your wedding is for people who respect you. For party crashers who disregard warnings, hire security. Unlike the above poster's comment, a decline is a decline. It's not your business to find out why and that should not deter you from what you want.

So, you asked for thoughts. I think it's reasonable that you allow infants who may or may not be breastfeeding and depend on their parent for feedings. It is the caregiver's choice to attend, attend the event in part (ceremony only), attend as 1/2 of the couple (if applies), or decline altogether. Now why your cousins/Aunts feel compelled to push their way for a toddler "to dance" is beyond unreasonable and fairly insulting. As Cece said, there will be hurt feelings, but really I think it's because these family members never learned boundaries and everyone else tolerated it. I do not agree with CM on allowing select older kids, even WP, only in that weddings are boring for children of many different ages and fewer kids means an adult-focused party (your intent).

I had no children at my reception, no infants even, and the parents brought nannies (if traveling), came in part, or found childcare for the evening. They were responsible grownups without fussing, but then again many of my friends have social lives that include more than children's birthday parties.

View Quoted Comment I have kids and I absolutely love child free weddings. Kids not being invited doesn't mean kids aren't important. It means child-like behavior doesn't have a place at a formal event and spending $$$ for children to attend isn't the couple's priority.


OP, if it's just one family member that may present an issue, I'd make sure your coordinator knows that any children over 1 are permitted. They'll be able to handle anyone who shows up with older kids.

This issue is always going to be a tough one to handle. I’d say don’t let the word get out that infants are getting an exception and just stick to the mantra of “Only those named on the invitation can be accommodated”


As far as managing feelings, I concur with others that it’s not something that can be avoided, but you can deal with it gracefully. Hiring a day-of coordinator and security are good moves. As for the after-drama part, I don’t want to say for certain since I don’t know you and FS’s families, but I think it will blow over. They’ll eventually get over it. My cousins had child-free weddings and dealt with parents who had children blowing up at either them or my aunt & uncle about it before the wedding, but those guests eventually got over it and their relationships with them are not broken. It’s not fun to deal with (believe me I stressed over that myself with our own child-free wedding) but like everything else “this too shall pass.”

View Quoted Comment

It’s not about allowing “select” older children. OP is talking about close, immediate family. It seems obvious to have to say but not all children have the same relationship to the couple.

It’s no different than saying just because first cousins are invited, that all second cousins must be. It doesn’t work that way and never has.
I have to disagree that all children are bored at weddings or that a handful children inevitably detract from a adult focused wedding. My own children had a great time at family weddings when only a handful of kids were there, including one that was black tie.

View Quoted Comment

No, OP is talking about 1 infant nephew, and any guest with an infant, not immediate family. Just because you allowed nieces and nephews, doesn't mean it's widely acceptable to everyone. You just create an environment where guests think extra thoughts or ask questions similar to "whose child is that". Of course, they won't tell you that to your face.

Just be honest and kind and be true to yourself. I just simple said adults only and dogs

View Quoted Comment A nephew is a child of an immediate family member as far as I’m concerned. Semantics aside, anyone who improperly believes it’s unacceptable to prioritize closely related children over others can, of course, gossip behind the scenes or think less of the couple if they wish. It’s mostly a bad look for those complaining.

I will never understand why "family" thinks they're so entitled around wedding things. I'd just un invite them but I'm a petty B. Can you hire security and only allow infants and those invited to enter? You could also just not feed them as they aren't in your head count.


My wedding is over all child free, except for those named on an invite. "We are only able to accommodate the guest listed on the invitation. We are unable to modify the list please make child care arrangements or be turned away at the door" would something like that work?

View Quoted Comment Who’s bitter? All I said was, if that’s your decision, people can also make the decision to not come. I’ve attended weddings without my kids, I’ve also declined some. Your wedding is the most important day to YOU just like peoples children are the most important thing to them at that point in their lives. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️