How to handle child-free wedding?

The suggestions to hire security are just plain silly, IMO. What are you going to do, cause a scene? Throw out a couple of little children by force? That's just ridiculous, and the opposite of OP's wish to avoid drama. I'm sure she doesn't want that to be what people remember about her wedding.

Again, she should deal with the previously offending cousins and aunts ahead of time. Ask them if they are in need of referrals to childcare options or consider providing it at the wedding. What their kids want to do is their problem.

View Quoted Comment You've never been to an event with security? I'm not talking uniforms, but venue reps in suits and ties? If we're not for guests or hosts working, then who else? If she has a coordinator, then they would be in charge but there are many other duties than the door. A neutral third party in a conflict is preferred over a BM, MOH, or family member. And the OP states these people do what they want over and over again so she should accept her instincts and believe they are unreasonable.

View Quoted Comment

Duplicate post

View Quoted Comment Only when it's been required by the venue. It’s one thing for a venue to want security across the board for liability in case a rowdy or drunk guest starts a fight or starts breaking things, brings a weapon, or to keep an eye on underage drinking and another for a host to cause a stupid public scene by bouncing one or two little cousins by force. I have fortunately never once seen security in action at any wedding I’ve attended and would never use them for the purpose of bouncing a couple of little children, an invited guest who is harmless but did not RSVP etc. as I sometimes see suggested on this forum.

My own recourse as a host would be as suggested above either to call the likely offenders ahead of time and make it clear that children are not invited by offering them baby sitting resources or not to invite people who behave like this now or in the future.

View Quoted Comment Just have to do my best! I put "no children please" on my invitations. And the ones with newborns have already asked me if it's okay and I said of course. Would not separate new baby from mom. And the rest with infants mentioned they will not bring them. Just worried about the kids that people tend to bring without asking. But nothing I can do at this point I won't be kicking people out.

The etiquette for this is to avoid saying who isn't invited on the invitation. So it wouldn't be correct to put "no kids" direction on the invitation.

Put the people who are invited on the envelope, ie Mr. and Mr. John and Jane Doe. On the RSVP card, put "2 seats have been reserved in your honour". Then have the Line ___ of 2 people attending. If they write in extra guests and kids, you'll need to call and clarify that the invitation was meant for the two people invited, and that you can't accommodate extra guests.

If you have a website, you could include a line in there about it. Also, having your close friends and family pass the information via word of mouth can work too.

It's best not to start making exceptions or caving to people asking for their kids to come. You don't need to give reasons or excuses, otherwise they will try to 'solve' the problem. A simple "unfortunately, that won't be possible" is enough said.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Sorry but no....... I have 15 cousins and each have 2-3 kids each. I don't understand what's so hard about getting child care if you're local?

My parents said the same! Like back in our day we never DREAMED of bringing you to someone's wedding, only people my age can't seem to get with the childcare program and their children are just "too special" to leave with anyone.


Do you realize how expensive it is for people to have just the adults at a wedding? Then add another 10-20 kids running around?
If couples have to travel there can be exceptions.
Infants are a acceptable exception.
Something last minute came up and 1-2 kids need to show up and they're someone I'm super close with, fine.
Those are acceptable and compassionate exceptions.
When you've had 1 year notice only live 30 min away and didn't plan someone to watch your 5 year old.. that's not a good exception. Sorry not sorry.
It really depends on the person and I wish parents would understand how out of hand it gets when you allow all children to come to weddings. Most likely 75% of the guests.. have children.

View Quoted Comment I did this with wedding wire. Doesn't solve the issue because people do not see their kids as people that count. It is what it is. I stand by putting "no children please" I dont think there's such thing as "incorrect."


I overheard one of my guests STILL asking what the kids vibe was for the wedding bc she wants to bring her son even after I stayed the above. I reminded her I made an exception for my nephew only bc my dad wants his grandson there. My dad paid for half of the wedding so I'm honoring his wishes.
Not much else I can do now.

View Quoted Comment

Of course it's your choice to do what works best for you. It's just that this is an etiquette board, so I'm pointing out the correct etiquette for anyone that might want to follow it.

I hope you day is amazing!

View Quoted Comment

You said it yourself. People who are inconsiderate enough to ignore who the invitation is addressed to are not likely to pay attention to the "no children please" or "adults reception" language or think it applies to them, either.

Obviously, people are free do do what they like, but in terms of etiquette, this is considered incorrect. Again, it's because invitations are meant to be inclusive, not exclusive. And also because it suggests to all your guests that you think they might be rude or they are incapable of reading an addressed envelope.

Unfortunately there is no way to navigate this without creating hurt feelings because there is no consistency. Because you are telling one group that they are allowed special privileges while you actively tell the rest that they don’t have the same privileges. Inconsistency and some people having special privileges is not fair in other aspects of life and causes various levels of upset. People will be offended when they see kids of any age under 18 in attendance while told to find childcare themselves, and many people do not vibe with the “infants or flower/ring children” loophole as being polite. Contrary to popular opinion, those same people will politely never say a word to the couple, which is where the misconception comes in that because no one mentioned being upset that they are 100% on board. When you say “child free” you have to not only mean it for everyone but also be prepared for declines, and possible rifts because someone is hurt or offended.


It is not true that all children everywhere are wild hellions who don’t know how to behave and that all of them are equally bored senseless after a few minutes. Some children are not taught manners because parents don’t want to put in any effort but not all children are that way. Adult events give them an opportunity to learn how to socialize in the real world that they can not do at home. An equal number of children who are well behaved have more fun than many adults.

I think the confusion comes in because couples can properly make cuts whereby children are considered an entire category, ie no children. However, that doesn't mean the opposite is true, that all children are the same or have to be treated the same way.

People can choose to be offended unreasonably by anything or nothing at all but there is, in fact, no etiquette dispute here. A couple is free to limit attendance by age, for example no children under the age of 10, or by relationship. That's considered consistency by category as well.

View Quoted Comment Agreed! Seen this too..some venues charge for children some do not so i understand why there's limitations.

View Quoted Comment They are! I know my fam lol. It's an Arab thing the Arab etiquette is everyone in the household is included including children. but we started to move away from that so we feel like we have no choice but to include on the invitation so they understand.