How to get over post wedding regrets

Happiest moment of the day

I would stop rhuminating on it- you're just going to drive yourself crazy.

Rarely do things go perfectly. Sorry people weren't more aware that "you the bride" shouldn't have been bothered to help with your party- it is why you have a coordinator- but it's over and done with- you got married and that was the whole point of the event. Be happy with that.

You said yourself- the ceremony was flawless and it was a beautiful day over all. focus on that.

I have things that still bother me about my wedding, and I continue to be angry and frustrated. Honestly, it will get better with time. I try to use positive affirmations. Just remember that you are married to the love of your life, you looked AMAZING (seriously), and it looks like people had a good time. After a while the bad stuff will fade.

I promise you your guests didn't notice 90% of the things that went wrong or at least don't remember them. If it makes you feel better we also cut the cake right after dinner and a few people left, but a few people will always leave early that's not big deal. Sounds like your biggest regret should be hiring a crap DJ lol. Try not to dwell on it, something goes wrong on every wedding day and nobody notices but the bride.

Thanks ladies, this is really helping. I've tried to talk about this with other people but none of them are recent brides so they are kind of out of touch with the emotions I'm feeling. I'm going to implement the positive affirmations and like someone said earlier I think it will help when pictures and video are back and I can really see the day as a whole.

I was upset over a few things, but then I realized that there is nothing I can do about it. There is no going back and changing it, you just have to move on.

You are correct I do think the dj was the biggest issue. My husband and I are very musical people and music really affects my mood. If he had have had the party jumping I wouldn't have had time to dwell in A lot of things and would have probably been in an entire different space that night coming off dancing and having a great time. I got married in my home town where I no longer live,and my aunt who also doesn't live there hired the dj. I recognized his name from events and assumed it would be fine especially with me literally telling him exactly what to play and when.

One of the things that has helped me is talking to family and friends about what they enjoyed about the day. It helps me focus on the good, not the bad.

Your wedding looks beautiful! I totally understand how you're feeling (I think a lot of brides can relate). You dream and plan about this day for a year or more, so when something goes wrong it can affect you more than you'd think. I had one specific thing go wrong (family related, don't want to dwell and get into details but in the grand scheme of things it was nothing super serious, just not according to my exact plan/"vision"). It still bothers me sometimes, honestly, even though the rest of the day was freakin' amazing.

The good news is 1) you're married to your favorite person in the world 2) nobody else will think twice about the things you're so worried about. Even if they noticed (the DJ for example), to them it is not the focus of the day. My advice is to talk about the positive things (your gorgeous dress, your meaningful ceremony, your handsome groom...) not the one or two things you weren't happy with. I found the more I talked about what I perceived to have gone "wrong" with other people, it made them notice it more versus if I had just kept it to myself, they would have thought it was all according to plan. Enjoy your husband and your marriage, and celebrate all the things that went right.

First - you looked Stunning! Second, I agree that sometimes you have to focus on what you have/what went right and try to move past the things that went wrong. Definitely take some time to dwell on it though (like a day or 2 more) and then push them to the back of your mind. You can't change them and focusing too much on the things that didn't go the way you planned will end up taking away from all the joy & love I'm sure you felt that day...before the crappy DJ and crappy DOC

I dwelled on the bad things for probably a good 3 weeks. Until I got my pro pics back- and then realized that it just didn't matter anymore. Nothing I could do about the stuff that went wrong- so I decided to only focus on the things that went RIGHT! Hope you are able to eventually do the same. I know it sucks!

Girl, I can absolutely understand. I've had a few nightmares over things that didn't exactly go as planned, and then realized much like the other ladies here have commented on, that I am sure not one guest noticed the minor details that drove me into a headspin post wedding.

Worrying does nothing but make ya feel icky, so try as much as you can to breathe and focus on the positive - all the love and joy that was surrounding you that night and how absolutely stunning the two of you looked and the lifetime of love and togetherness that you have.

@Ashley I totally get where you are coming from regarding the DJ. I spent so much of my personal time, loading music into the portal they provided, and not even half of it was played! I love to dance, and I picked music for myself that would get me going, plus I had my RSVPs with song requests, those were not played either. I talked to the owner of the company about it, and how the night went. He asked me what I wanted to get out of this, and I said I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. There were other things that I was upset with, like the florist and other stupid crap. But I just keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it now. Though I wish I could do my wedding day all over again!

Oh man! I totally feel where you are coming from. Luckily, it only took my honeymoon week to get over it. My honeymoon was so amazing that I forgot about the wedding completely. Did you get to take a honeymoon? That helped me a lot to de-compress.

You looked beautiful and I am sorry you had such a bad time. Maybe you can plan a rockin party for your anniversary with an amazing DJ?

Yes we did take a great honeymoon and I did forget for a while but then it came back up. I think time and my professional photos and video will help me heal. I need to get back to the emotions I felt during the ceremony and I also have to remember I did this in 6 months like a crazy person lol

Ashley, you look stunningly beautiful. There isn't a hint of stress in your wedding photos. I think most brides spend months thinking about their weddings after they're over -- the great, the good, the so-so, and the disaster wedding. I think it's perfectly normal for you, at this stage, to still be thinking about your wedding. As time passes, the world will fill your head with new things. Suddenly, you'll realize you haven't thought about your wedding in a while. I promise, you won't be bothered by any of this in a few years. In fact, you'll probably be laughing about it as you and your friends share wedding horror stories (and honestly, I don't think your wedding was a horror story).

Are you over reacting? Not as far as the DJ is concerned. If you have a contract with him and you paid him the customary fee, you had every right to expect the music you wanted. You also had the right to have him there for the agreed upon time. As far as the coordinator? Maybe. She gifted you her services. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't have expected her to bring anyone from her staff. That would be money out of her pocket because she would have had to pay them. Giving of her own time is one thing -- giving of her employee's time is something else. I'd also give your step-dad a break. It sounds like he, a VIP, ended the wedding day cleaning up (which he obviously wasn't planning to do). That he called you after the wedding to ask where to put your things wasn't unreasonable.

Dont dwell on it, you cant fix it so dwelling on it is not constructive. focus on having a happy life now with your husband and making great memories with him, those are things you CAN do right now. the wedding is in the past now, all those things you are worrying about and having anxiety over have passed and you CANT do anything about it anymore

I had a dream last night that it was "part 2" of our wedding and I was happy about getting to do my hair in a different way (hated the way it came out on the actual day). Ha. Pretty minor thing, but it just goes to show that stuff sticks with you despite trying not to dwell on it.

Anyway, from your post about what went wrong, it seems like a lot did go right! You mentioned being in "bridal bliss" and being distracted by mingling with people. That, to me, suggests you enjoyed at least parts of the day even though certain things went wrong. Remember those happy moments! I'd really try hard to let the other stuff go. There's just nothing you can do about it now.

Also, I think a surprising number of couples have less than ideal wedding nights. I've heard soo many stories about brides bursting into tears at the end of the night because they are exhausted and can't get out of their wedding dress. I think there's a lot of pressure to have a perfect night, but life just doesn't always work out that way.

So, my advice is to focus on the good memories! That and to write that DJ an honest review . . . .

For what is worth, all your pictures are beautiful.

The mind is a very powerful thing. Sometimes it overpowers us with bad memories, but when one is able to somehow switch it into just remembering the good, it can keep us afloat even through the worst. I can't tell you how to do it, because I obsess about the bad as well, but try to ignore the bad and just focus on the good. Your venue looked gorgeous and was beautifully decorated. You married the man of your dreams, while looking like a million bucks. People had fun and enjoyed the reception, and you hosted them graciously. Congratulations on all of this - it's enough to call your wedding a wonderful event to remember for years to come!

Did you have a contract with the vendor? Unfortunately since your friend gifted you the DOC service, it sounds like she wasn't as committed as she normally was, and probably just thought she was helping more than DOCing.

Your makeup is flawless. How many people were at your wedding? I know most of the ones I was at the "party atmosphere" is hard to get when you don't have 200+ people. People on the dancefloor are having fun, but many dancefloors are made for 400 person weddings, so the space looks emptier than it actually is.