A
Just Said Yes June 2011

How to ask for money nicely!!

Amber, on August 12, 2010 at 7:29 PM Posted in Honeymoon

My fiance and I already have everything we need for our house. My guests are coming all the way to hawaii and we dont want them to have to bring presents with them. How to we ask for just money without it coming accross as rude?

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29 Comments

  • Analy aka T-waffle
    Master October 2009
    Analy aka T-waffle ·

    You don't. Don't register, they will get the idea.

  • Danielle
    Super July 2010
    Danielle ·

    We just didnt register anywhere and when people asked us what we want, we said "honestly, we have everything we need for our house and would love to be able to afford a honeymoon, so if you would like to get us something, money would be great" Nobody really thought that was rude and we can afford a honeymoon now!!

  • binx
    Master August 2010
    binx ·

    Don't register.

  • K
    Savvy November 2011
    kimmy ·

    Ok my brother is getting married and they sent a little nice card called wishing well and it says

    we hope you will not be offended if we ask you not to buy a gift. you see we have already filled our home, we even have a garden knome! but there is one thing that we would like to do, to tell our landlord to take a hike. We've been saving hard to buy a house but if you could help, that would be great. There is no need to rob the banks, any amount will be greeted with thanks. So help us grow our money tree and spare your self the shopping spree

    obviously if you could take out the landlord part if you have a house already

  • Sharon
    Master June 2010
    Sharon ·

    Telling them is an "assumption" that they are getting you a gift. You can't assume, so as everyone else said, no registry and word of mouth from your family and BP, not you

  • digiscrappy
    Super July 2010
    digiscrappy ·

    Another thing to keep in mind... could turn out like mine did: we registered, spent hours at the stores, and received only a handful of wrapped presents at bridal showers. At the wedding, we exclusively received money.

    But seriously, seriously bad form to ask for cash, whether with a "cute" poem or not. People will take offense.

  • C
    Devoted August 2010
    CamoBride ·

    We told guests we were having a wishing well wedding and posted the following poem on our website:

    More than just kisses so far we've shared

    Our home has been made with love and care

    Most things we need we’ve already got

    Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots

    A wishing well we thought would be great

    (but only if you wish to participate)

    A gift of money is placed in the well

    Then make a wish … but do not tell

    Once we’ve replaced the old with the new

    We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

    And in return for your kindness we’re sure

    that one day soon you'll get what you wished for!

  • Karen Guyt
    Karen Guyt ·

    Kudos, ladies! You're correct in saying NOT to ask for cash (or any gift for that matter!) Warms my heart to see this advice coming from the bride's side of WW not just from the vendors!

  • ERH
    Master October 2010
    ERH ·

    Definitely not cool to ask. When I lived in NY, I was shocked that cash was customary. I actually got into a heated argument with a friend who was getting married. Not only did she expect cash, but she wanted it to pay for my plate. I wanted to be generous, but I was a first-year teacher in grad school, paying NYC rent by myself. I simply couldn't afford what she expected, and it made me feel awful. (sorry to hijack, had to get that out!)

  • lovefortwo36
    Devoted June 2010
    lovefortwo36 ·

    We registered on the honeyfund. A very easy and diplomatic way in asking for money. So much better than recieving items that you don't need.

  • Laura Frazier
    Laura Frazier ·

    I would go with a honeymoon registry. With the service that we offer, our clients get 100% of what gets contributed to the registry. What you do with the cash is up to you.

  • cswezey
    Dedicated October 2010
    cswezey ·

    I like the money tree idea lol but i had a thought

    what about sending them a cute picture of an oak tree with just branches and pictures of like dollar bills on it for leaves and just saw on the bottom "Gifts are nice but trees do grow help us sprout our leafy oak" idk if it rimes but it did in my head lol

  • Deborah
    Expert September 2010
    Deborah ·

    Don't ask for money. There are so many more subtle ways to let guests know you'd rather have cash, and asking straightout is pretty offensive to a lot of guests. (Yes, even if your request rhymes.) Do a honeymoon registry or let your bridal party spread the word.

  • LutaWolf
    Master March 2011
    LutaWolf ·

    Okay I'm about to get bashed but oh well ROFL... Most of my guests are all out of town and when we do get a chance to chat it's about family life, kids, husbands the regular B*tch fest you know and rarely about the wonderful life of wedding planning so this is what I put up on my wedding website.

    Your presence at our wedding

    Is present enough,

    But if we're honored

    with a gift from you,

    May we respectfully request

    a gift of money

    To help the dream of

    A honeymoon come true!

    While we are asking for the non-traditional gift of honeymoon money, we felt we should offer a few other options. We have registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond under _________ and _________. Let us remind you again though, we are honored to have you as apart of our wedding regardless if there is a gift or not.

    Its on our wedding website under the registery section and not on our invites. We are just going to tell ppl to rsvp on our website and then they will browse and see...

  • Now Mrs. B. <3
    Devoted October 2010
    Now Mrs. B. <3 ·

    I think it really depends on your guests. With ours its mostly family and close friends and we know nobody would be offend so we put this on a card in our invitaion

    ...it had directions to the reception at the top and then at the bottom it said The bride and groom are registered at:

    Target

    Kohls

    Monetary gifts are also welcome

    ...but like I said it probably depends on your guests, I knew me guests wouldnt be offended by this and for those who dont feel like going out and shopping I think it was helpful.

  • The Awesome Thief
    Master February 2010
    The Awesome Thief ·

    Honestly, I think your decision should be based on how you think your guests will feel about it. If you think that a lot of them will be offended, then don't register at all and have other people tell everyone that you'd just prefer money. If you don't think they'll be offended then just tell everyone or put it on your wedding website.

  • JJ
    Master December 2009
    JJ ·

    Just register for very few items on your registry or not at all. Spread the word through family (moms are great for this and the gossipy cousin) and friends, wedding party. People will know or they should know, in this economy. And actually don't be surprised if guests can't afford to give you a gift right away or that it is not a lavish gift. Everyone seems to be suffering to stay afloat. It'll be cool to just say monetary gifts would be most preferred for the honeymoon if anyone asks you what you want...only if they ask you.

  • Iguanatan
    VIP June 2010
    Iguanatan ·

    Expecting a gift is wrong. Do not put a poem in with the invite, on a website or otherwise...... As many others have already advised, don't register people who want to gift will work out the rest.

  • Sarah
    Savvy May 2011
    Sarah ·

    My Fiance and I recently signed up for a Wish registry at UponOurStar.com. Instead of asking for cash, we were able to ask for our most meaningful wishes to be granted — we asked for things we need in our dream home (this fixer upper won't fix itself!!) and even a few fun things like fancy restaurants and a couple fun honeymoon excursions! We received rave reviews from friends who say they love the idea of giving meaningful gifts instead of just *stuff* they know we probably don’t need …. and we really love the fact and we really love the fact that we get cash in our bank account without being blatant about it!

    I highly recommend looking into the "other" registry and making a way to make your wishes come true!

  • J
    Just Said Yes September 2013
    J ·

    All of these comments have been so helpful and respectful to others viewpoints, so thank you to everyone for your thoughts on the subject. I was struggling on how to respond if people ask if I'm registered or what we need as a gift. We're not registered because we have what we need, but we are saving for a down payment on a house. After reading everyone's comments, I've decided to respond as such (verbally if asked, not in in the invitation): just come to the reception and have fun. If you'd like to bring a gift, we are saving for a house and money is always appreciated but not necessary.

    Thoughts?

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