Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

J
Beginner August 2019

How to ask a moh to no longer be apart of the wedding

Joana, on June 11, 2019 at 8:57 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
Saved
Reply
I have had issues before with my MOH. But I tried to not stress and brush them off, asked her to be positive and for us to concentrate on the future vs. the past. This all started when a good friend decided to no longer be friends with the MOH and I was still very close with our other friend. Her attitude changed she put a wall up and I have been feeling awkward to speak to her about wedding planning. We had an hour conversation over the phone and mended a few things. But in my heart I feel like the best thing to do is keep my bridal party smaller and ask her to kindly step down. I have had about 3 stressful and heated conversations with her and all I think about is how more stressful I will become. I asked one of my good friends to give me advise and if I was doing the right thing my asking her to step down as I will only have my sons god mother, sister in law and good friend of 7 years be apart of my bridal party. But she is still welcomed to come to the bridal shower and the bachelorette and of course the wedding.
One other thing that occurred that added to my stress was that as I spoke to her about the bridal shower she told me that the bride is suppose to pan the bridal shower. I don’t know if I am old school or what but I thought that was something the girls plan with the brides moms help to surprise the bride. Yes I can give ideas but to plan it and coordinate it all. Seems odd to me. As I explained it to her it seems like she was not interested I. Hearing me. Kept telling me well I spoke to 4 friends and they all said that the bride takes care of that. Then proceeded with saying that she planned her own as well. I was super confused. I personally searched it and asked my friend who just got married and she said that no it’s the bridal party’s responsibility to shower the bride. That all I would have to do is get my outfit and scan away. That I can give ideas but not be the one coordinating anything. But again with every other argument she has taken the fun of my planning and I become easily stressed and overwhelmed with everything that has to do with wedding planning. My wedding is in August 24 of this year. I have also tried to mend things but it seems like it never works. It sounds like she also does not want to step down on her own, so I truly feel in my heart in order for me to have 2 stress free months would be if I asked to her kindly step down. I am very nice and believe in many chances but it is costing my happiness and I am not going to let that happen anymore. Am I in the wrong?

12 Comments

Latest activity by MrsJohansson, on June 17, 2019 at 10:36 AM
  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't think you're in the wrong, entirely… I will say, however, that if you do decide to ask your MOH to "step down", prepare to lose her as a friend, permanently. I wouldn't expect her to show up to your pre-wedding events either.

    Where I will correct you is while, yes, a shower and bachelorette party are nice gestures, they're not requirements, and your bridal party isn't responsible for planning them unless they offer to. Your bridal shower also doesn't have to be a surprise, and if you are desiring one, you can always plan your own. I am currently helping my mom plan mine (purchasing decorations, planning games), as she is extremely busy, and I want to help out in whatever ways I can.

    Best of luck in whatever you choose to do!

    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Expert October 2019
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Asking someone to no longer be in your wedding party is a pretty loud signal that you want to cut ties. There's a very good chance that she will no longer want that friendship. Before you make your final decision, weigh out if you want the friendship still or not.

    • Reply
  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You are not in the wrong. You are entitled to feel how you do and I think I would feel similarly. As others have said, you will likely lose the friendship completely if you ask her to step down. In a sense, it seems like your friendship is already strained as it comes off like she thinks you've picked a side by continuing to be friends with the former friend. This is a personal decision only you can make in the end but it really sounds like things are over either way. If it were me, I'd focus on how to tactfully (but quickly) make changes so the show can go on and happiness can be restored.


    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP October 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Almost word for word exactly what I came here to say. This is spot on.

    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner August 2019
    Joana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you. I feel like it is as well because that’s the constant battle that I will not win. To her it may feel like I am choosing sides but I am not. But she always brings that friend up in our conversations and I’ve asked her to stop because it bothers me and adds unnecessary stress when I start speaking to her about the wedding and I’ve distanced myself from her. She then is nice for a bit and the trend starts again. It’s a horrible place to be in, to have to ask someone to step down but it becoming unhealthy for me and my fiancé. Because he is hearing everything I am going through.
    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner August 2019
    Joana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you. I’m not really worried about the bridal shower. Everyone does do it different but I may have been wrong and it’s not how I thought. But it was all in how I received the response. I did however coordinate with my mom about food, location, rentals and all. I only asked her for help with decorations and that was all. But when I asked her about it she was just quickly bothered instead of talking to me about it she just seemed like she didn’t really care. It quickly just became an awkward situation.
    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Ah I do agree with everyone else said in that usually when you ask someone to step down from being your bridesmaid it generally affects the friendship. My friend fired four of six of hers and pretty much since then they don't talk anymore. It makes you reflect deeply on your friendship to see who is truly there for you in a big moment of your life.
    Of course that's situational though. But I'd want you to definitely do what makes you less stressed and what's good for you because we all know how much stress wedding planning is, let alone when there's issues like these.
    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner August 2019
    Joana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you Melle. It definitely has been very hard to happy plan and be excited when I have to deal with the side stress of those I thought truly wanted to be there for me and help plan. I agree with your message. Thank you! It is going to be one very hard conversation to have. But I need to do it.
    • Reply
  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes, it's clear that one or both of you have different expectations and want different things. From what I've read from here, wedding planning seem to really test relationships. I wish you all the best with this.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Any close friend or family of the bride, or of the groom for a welcome to the family groomside shower, may plan a shower. It is not the responsibility of the wedding party, at all. Because the MOH and bridesmaids are chosen from the bride's closest friends or family, they very are the ones to volunteer. Bust MOH or BM not expected or responsible for doing it. The bride supplies a master list of those people invited to the wedding, who are close enough to be asked to give a second gift. But how many or which of the people hostesses actually invite, is up to the hostess, and not the bride's business. She in never even told who was invited. She inly knows , who came. And bride should not do any olannibg for a party to get gifts for herself. Same as anyone who received gifts or an honor ( birthdays, anniversaries, awards), the honoree is seen as greedy and self involved to gather others about her for the purpose if saying how wonderful she is, and giving her presents.
    • Reply
  • J
    Beginner August 2019
    Joana ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Hi everyone! Thank you so much for giving me advice regarding my MOH drama and the bridal shower topic. Regarding the bridal shower, my mom and I organized it and my mom took charge along with one of my close friends. Which was really awesome of them to do.

    MOH- as previously mentioned it was a really tough conversation to have with her and it did ruin the friendship. I wanted to speak with her in person and asked for us to meet but she called me and didn’t allow me to speak with her in person and had to have this really tough conversation over the phone.
    We spoke And she was not understanding about the situation. She made it about herself and as much as I tried to explain to her that this was causing me anxiety she refused to believe me and got really upset and said whatever and hung up. Later on in the day she removed me from all of social media. But I can honestly say that as soon as I had that conversation my fiancé sat next to me and said that I did the right thing and let out my feelings to her and after that conversation and following my heart I am able to relax and plan accordingly.

    • Reply
  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Joana - it must be so awful to have lost a relationship but honestly, good riddance. Good for you for standing up for what you want.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

How Many Wedding Vendors Do You *Actually* Need?
Trends & Tips How Many Wedding Vendors Do You *Actually* Need? These are the wedding pros you’ll want to have on your team to make the day...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics