How much is too much for a wedding

OP I totally understand! I won't add anything up and come up with a budget...numbers freak me out but I know what I want and how much i can spend...I am having a small wedding 75 people!

Pizer, let's be very clear. NO ONE gets their heads chopped off for having a "cheap" wedding on this forum. It's when they say their budget is $5k, but their guest list is 200 people. We encourage them to be realistic, and chop down the guest list. We'll tell them that it's not going to happen, but we don't shame them because $5k (or lower) is all they can afford.

I hear ya on feeling guilty because there are people and causes that could use that money. But, this is a party to celebrate our marriage and also for our friends and family to have fun and celebrate with us. So, I'll find a way to make a difference separately. I agree with cutting out the things that don't matter to you. we aren't doing a lavish cake or table flowers because to me that's not that important, but we are spending a lot of money on an open premium bar. Spend within your limits and I recommend not sharing your costs too widely as you can see from even this forum its a hot and sensitive topic.

I hear you Gym Rat.

It definitely depends where you live. I live in NJ and was comparing our wedding to a close friend's wedding that was last year in rural, upstate NY. They paid 15k and I figured we could do the same ... but duh, NJ is freakin' expensive. Right now we're at about 42k, we're inviting ~230 but hoping for like 200-215 lol. It's a lot but we can swing it and we definitely cut corners on certain things (flowers, centerpieces, decorations, cutting down guest list) so I don't feel guilty about it. But again ... it truly depends on where you live and what you value for your day!

If you aren't going into debt, and it is an amount you can comfortably afford, then you're fine

It's always scary to make large purchases whether it be a wedding, a house, a new car, etc.

Also, I do not feel guilty about what we're spending, I just don't WANT to spend what we're spending. So OP, I can't relate.

"How much is too much to spend on a wedding?" Cost is relative, and that's a question that's going to get a variety of answers. $60k is outrageous to me, but not out of the ordinary for where I live. But if I had it, I "might" spend that by possibly having a more expensive venue, elaborate centerpieces, fancy table linens, custom menus, invitations and more. In my area it's not that hard to reach $60k with ONLY 125 guests for a Saturday night during peak season.

This is exactly what humblebragging is, whether unintentionally or not. A long paragraph going into detail with numbers at any value, which is essentially no one else's business. All of those details actually have nothing to do with your question. You could have asked the question by simply saying "I'm having a big wedding and my parents are giving us a generous amount and I feel guilty."

@alyssa - I completely agree. I think there is a disproportionate view of cost and prices because some of us rarely or never talk about it. It can give a picture that anyone spending differently or more is "wrong" or trying to humble brag whenever a larger budget or budget item is mentioned.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who shys away from budget talks to avoid the budget shame we might get/feel at times.

If you want and can afford more, there is no wrong budget

I'm on team spend what you're comfortable with.

I honestly haven't kept track of our budget that closely. That being said, we are spending what we are comfortable with and what we can afford without going into debt.

Ours ended up at almost 6 figures, without rings, "some" bridal party gifts, and our honeymoon. I said "some", because we paid for tuxedos, gowns, shoes, jewelry, alterations, girls spa day, over half of the bachelor/bachelorette expenses, and the ladies didn't have to pay for a shower.

Part of it is because we hosted so many people - 225; partly because we hired a 12 piece band. But our per person charged ($175 almost 4 years ago) is in the range of what my social circle has been paying per person, around here (northeast U.S.). I.e. A friend paid $138 per person last year; adding in the service charge and sales tax = $175 p.p.

I saw an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the couple spent $1.2 million on their wedding. That seemed excessive.

^That's a joke. The couple could obviously afford that.

Marriage is a human right. But a wedding is a luxury, whether you're spending $3k or $300k. What we spend on luxuries in our lives, whether it's a $10 bar tab or a $500 handbag, depends on our discretionary income and financial health.

The only reason I'd ever side-eye someone for their budget is if you spend a disproportionate amount on yourself and treat your guests poorly. $50k wedding, $20k dress, cash bar? Not gonna fly. $3k wedding, $99 dress, and guests well hosted with food and beverages? Well done.

I would've happily spent $60k on a wedding had that been an option but I love big over the top things. We're at $28K all in for 90 people but we cut out a lot of things most stationary we just splurged on invites no menus, programs, STDs. We aren't using a videographer but our venue is exactly as I envisioned it, the food/booze will be amazing, and I couldn't be happier with our DJ.

If you have 60k to spend then spend it. People spend even more than that on weddings everyday and there's nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't hurt you or your families financially. 28k on a venue is a lot but I'm sure it's beautiful! If that's your dream venue then spend 28k on it! The only time you should feel bad is if your FH or families are scraping the bottom of their piggy banks to pay for it. If this is money that is no problem though then go for it. If the guilt is gonna get you no matter what then start making these cheaper from here on out i.e. Just go out for dinner and drinks for your bachelorette party instead of doing a huge trip or party and keep your rings on the lower end of spending as well. There are beautiful wedding bands that won't break the bank. Good luck and have fun with these last few months of planning!

My budget started at $25K...now it's looking like it will be closure to $37K

Pay what you can afford and what you want. We spent much less than expected for the down payment on our house and have a lot more left over for our wedding. As long as you have the extra money, don't feel bad about it. These are the kinds of things you save for!

I don't have much to add beyond what is already here but agree that calling this a "humble brag" is problematic and shames bigger budget brides. I personally would love to see it thrown around a whole lot less on these boards. OP, my budget started at around 21K and is most likely going to creep up to 25K before everything is all said and done. That doesn't include honeymoon or my e-ring. I often feel guilty for spending this amount but I always knew I wanted a big wedding (around 190 when it's all said and done) since I have such a large family that has always celebrated things together. My biggest line items are food and booze with photography being the largest "mostly for me" item. I think if your budget is mostly geared towards serving your guests and making sure they have as fabulous of a day as you will than you can have any size budget you want/can afford.

Anything outside of what you can comfortably afford is too much.

If you have the money for it go ahead and do it. we all spend depending on what we can afford based on our income and other stuffs. if I would have the money you have I would totally do it.

enjoy this experience to the max

I was going to say pretty much word for word what LB and Alyssachu have said.

I feel guilty about what we spent when I think about all the stuff we want to do now, such as buy a house, get H a new car, pay off my student loans when they're due (another 2-3 years), etc. I have not totaled the entire cost yet because I'm afraid of that number. We were very fortunate with how our finances were boosted with an inheritance so we were able to upgrade a lot of things or throw money at problems. Since we could afford it and we weren't going to struggle before or after wedding, we channeled our inner "YOLO!" shouting teenagers and just did it.

Don't be shamed. Don't feel guilty. If you can't pay your car insurance or your kids go hungry because you're more concerned with the wedding, then you should feel shame and scale back. But if you want a 500k wedding, go for it.