How many people should i invite?

If your ceremony space can only hold 100, you should absolutely not invite more than that. You should have considered these factors before deciding on venues. You should never count on people RSVPing “No” because chances are if it’s a local wedding that most people will actually come. I’d suggest finding a different ceremony or reception site because there’s absolutely no way to guarantee you’ll meet the 100 minimum for the reception while staying at or under the 100 maximum for the ceremony.

From the wedding books and blogs I've read, it's roughly a 20% refuse rate, more if you have a higher number of OOT guests and less if you have more local guests. The WeddingWire Community will tell you not to invite more than your max but they also think B listing is rude. I took a chance and added a 20% refuse to rate to my max, so my target number was 150, I invited 180 (my guest list is 85% OOT).

What happens if more than 100 RSVP yes? Then what? It's risky!!

Please please PLEASE do not invite more than 100 people. Will you get some no's? Probably. But you can't count on that - you will be shocked and surprised at who will move a mountain to get there. Cut 25 people from your guest list - otherwise (and this I promise you, I was married before) you will sweating between the time you mail them out and get RSVP's back. Don't B List - that is tacky and unseemly. I understand wanting to get your money's worth - but please.....save your pennies someplace else.

Thanks all for the feedback. I didn't realize so many people actually came to weddings. I'm 24 and have never been to a wedding so I have no clue how this stuff works. I don't really think B listing is tacky but that's my opinion. There are people that I want there more than others, and I think we all have that dilemma when planning weddings. What do y'all think about doing an intimate ceremony? Only closest family and friends so maybe 40-50 people and capping my list at 110 for reception? Would that be rude? Again, I don't know the etiquette for weddings.

Just because people rsvp does not mean that they will go to the ceremony even if they are local.

View Quoted Comment

Okay - this is a common question - how to do an intimate wedding and a larger reception: Here is the proper thing to do: Have your wedding with immediate family only, then invite 100 people to a reception. Do not (please please please) invite 50 people to a wedding then another fifty to the reception. How big is your immediate family?

Please don't B list - word will get out that Neighbors Bill and Diane did not get an invite until two weeks before when everyone else got invited in late June.....it will hurt friendships forever.

Our wedding has to capped at fifty - your guest list will be, without a doubt, the hardest part of your wedding planning. Get ready and good luck!

I said our closest family AND friends to the ceremony, and yes our immediately family is quite large, so it would be around 40-50 (my fiances mother has 11 siblings and his father has 5) Again, I don't really think B listing is rude, I think it's practical especially for a couple on a budget with very understanding friends and family. I just got invited to a wedding and the bride asked me to RSVP as soon as I could so that if I couldn't attend, she could invite others. I thought it was a great idea... I can't back out on the ceremony or reception venue- they are already booked.

And some people will still RSVP and not attend the ceremony.

You can't have 40-50 people at your ceremony and 100 at your reception. That's a tiered wedding and is as rude as a b-list. People always find out and it absolutely hurts feelings and affects relationships. The ONLY way to have an intimate wedding is to limit the guest list to parents and siblings. That's it. You should be at no more than 10-20 people. Then, you invite everyone else to the reception. The reception is literally to thank your guests for coming to the ceremony, so you can't tier your guests.

As for b-lists, those are a non-starter for me. You'd be surprised how many people end friendships over that. It's rude. You're basically telling people they're not as important to you as others and while practically, of course we all know you don't view all your loved ones the same, it's really hurtful for that to be evidenced in a remarkably humiliating way. You WILL hurt people by doing that.

Your immediate family is just your parents and siblings (and children).
An intimate ceremony is only okay if it is JUST your immediate family and not picking and choosing anyone else. Then it becomes rude and awkward. Hate to be the friend who thought they were close but realize when they show up to your reception and other friends had been to the ceremony that you’re just not THAT close.

Youre in a bit of a predicament here. The answer to the question really is 100.

For the reception venue, is the 100 a fire-marshal capacity or a seating capacity? If it's seating, you might have a little bit of wiggle room depending on the number of people in the wedding party. For example, daughter is shooting for ~100 guests (well under venue capacity), but there will be 13+ in the wedding party. So, they really need seats for 87+. (They will have more than 100 seats, but if your wedding party will all be standing at the altar you might have a few extra seats than your total guest count.) However, if 100 is fire-marshal, do NOT invite one person more than 100....

View Quoted Comment Immediate family is siblings and parents. You could include grandparents too. How many aunts and uncles FH has is irrelevant.

You shouldn’t have booked a ceremony venue with a 100-person max and a reception venue with a 100-person min. How does that make any sense? Invite 100 and if you’re under for the reception, you either upgrade the food/alcohol or just pay the difference. You cannot invite 125 people to your wedding if only 100 can fit.

View Quoted Comment It is 100 max for seating and that is just an estimation from the owner. There's a chance there could be less room or more but I'm really thinking we could fit 100 people if not a little more. There is standing room at the back of the church as well. This is our ceremony venue to give you a better idea.

View Quoted Comment I didn't say immediate family, I said CLOSE family.

There will also be 14 people in our wedding party so we really only need seating for 86 guests.

View Quoted Comment Okay. We’re saying the only way to do an “intimate ceremony” before a reception is with IMMEDIATE family. Not “close” family. So ¯\_(?)_/¯

View Quoted Comment But what you guys don't understand is that some of my cousins are my best friends, I would absolutely want them at my ceremony but don't feel like all cousins should be. My fiance's best friend is also his cousin. That's the reason I say "close" family and friends.

View Quoted Comment It is true that we don’t know the ins and outs of your family relationship. But you asked specifically “What do y'all think about doing an intimate ceremony? Only closest family and friends so maybe 40-50 people and capping my list at 110 for reception? Would that be rude? Again, I don't know the etiquette for weddings.” And we are telling you that yes, this is rude. You can get away with it if it’s only immediate family. But as soon as you start picking and choosing cousins, it does in fact become rude even if you’re closer to some cousins than others, and bff-level-close to some. Still feelings will get hurt even if you don’t mean to and don’t think it— it’s an easy way to make someone feel slighted.

Inviting the 100 people to both is really the best option. Probably some people won’t be able to
make it at all, this is true, but it gets into some
dicey territory if more than you can fit end up rsvp-ing.

Thanks all for the input but I'm sticking to my "tiered" wedding idea. My relationship with my friends and family are all great and I know they are all going to be understanding. Many of my family and friends have even suggested a tiered wedding and they didn't seem to have an issue. Proper wedding etiquette may be more important to others but at the end of the day this is about us and what we want and I don't really care about anything else. If anyone gets offended they aren't forced to attend. Thanks again for the input!